Hobbit_Ficathon challenge: Write a story that includes Bilbo!

"Hide and Seek With Otho"

There was nothing else to be done. Bilbo could certainly tell that at a glance. Climbing trees at his advanced age was probably not advisable, but there was no other means of escape. The advantage of this would be that no one would ever think to look for him in the trees. Well, no one save perhaps Gandalf, but the Wizard had not been around for a while and so Bilbo suspected that he would go unnoticed in the branches of the old beech tree. With his mind made up and time running out for a proper escape, Bilbo reached up and took hold of the lowest branch.

“I know I saw him come this way!” a voice that could have frightened a troll screeched from the ground below. Bilbo peered down through the tree’s branches and spotted Lobelia Sackville-Baggins striding into view, her face set in a sour frown and her hands clenched into fists. “That old rascal is not going to get away from me today!”

Bilbo sat very still on his high perch and allowed himself a small smile but he dared not breath hard or blink because the old bat had very sharp hearing. He watched her stop under the very tree in which he had taken refuge and place her hands on her hips. Her beady eyes darted about in search of some sign of her prey. “When I find him I plan to let him know exactly how I feel about all of this!” she shouted.

A breathless long-suffering hobbit now came into Bilbo’s field of vision to stand along side of Lobelia. He leaned his hand against Bilbo’s beech tree and looked over at Lobelia. “I think you’ve lost him,” he panted.

She glared at him. “Otho, if I want your opinion than I’ll ask for it!” she squawked. “And I don’t want it now!”

Bilbo tried not to flinch as he watched Otho cringe under Lobelia’s gaze. It was dreadfully hard to feel sorry for Otho, but at times like this, Bilbo managed a small morsel of pity for the hobbit that was ever at Lobelia’s beck and call. No one, not even his rather nasty relation Otho, deserved to be wed to an old shrew like Lobelia.

“Yes, my pet,” Otho simpered. “Naturally, you do know what is best.”

“And don’t you forget that!” she said sounding neither mollified nor forgiving. She turned her head slightly as if listening for sounds of him and Bilbo dared not even swallow. “I know you’re here somewhere Bilbo Baggins and when I find you, we will settle this entire matter straight away!” she shouted in the direction from which she had just recently come.

“Show yourself!” Otho shouted as he spun in a circle looking for any sign of Bilbo that might be visible.

Bilbo watched as Lobelia swatted Otho on the arm with a fist. “I’ll handle this! You just keep a sharp eye out for the old goat!”

“Yes, my pet,” Otho said rubbing his now aching shoulder and squinting in the direction of the trees just beyond this place. Lobelia took a couple of steps toward the opposite direction from the one that Otho was looking in and stopped to listen, tilting her head again.

“What are you doing?” a small voice asked and Bilbo looked through the leaves to see Peregrin Took standing next to Otho and looking up at the squinting hobbit.

This might prove to be disastrous. Little Pippin was not known for keeping still. If the small lad caught sight of Bilbo then he’d be very likely to call out to him. Bilbo would be discovered and he would also be trapped. Lobelia would most likely stand guard underneath the tree and rant and rave at poor Bilbo until the sunset.

“Nothing,” Otho hissed.

Lobelia ignored Pippin and began walking away from the tree and peering at the woods beyond. Pippin ignored her also and looked up at Otho again. “Are you looking for someone?” the child asked.

“No, I just like standin’ here and squintin at nothin’’,” Otho snarled.

Pippin did not seem to notice the older hobbit’s unfriendly tone and he winked at Otho and said pleasantly. “She’s looking in the wrong place.” He pointed at Lobelia and Bilbo gripped the branch tightly and gave a tiny groan. He froze as he saw Lobelia stop in her tracks and turn her head to listen again. “She’s way off,” Pippin said to Otho.

“Where’s your mum?” Otho said nastily.

Pippin looked around wide-eyed and then asked with a grin, “Is she playing too?”

“Playing what?” Otho hissed.

“Hide and seek,” Pippin said cheerily. “If she is then you’ll be able to find her pretty fast. I always find her right off. She never hides very well and she is kinda noisy.”

“Get on back to where you come from and leave me alone,” Otho hissed with a glare at Pippin.

Bilbo watched in horror as Pippin looked right up into the tree and grinned. “Don’t be upset if you can’t find Bilbo,” Pippin said. “He’s a good hider. He’s much better than my mum is. You just have to think extra careful like if you want to find him. Want me to help you?”

“No, I don’t want you to help me,” Otho said in a nasty tone. “Now, go on home where you belong and leave me be.” Otho moved a few steps from the tree.

Pippin winked up at Bilbo and then leaned against the tree trunk. “You’re getting colder,” Pippin warned Otho.

“What? I ain’t cold,” Otho said, annoyed. “It’s hot as fire out here today.”

Pippin covered his mouth with his hands and giggled. Bilbo could feel his stomach twisting into a knot. Otho was just mere inches away from the one hobbit in the Shire that might give away his position. Oh, Pippin wouldn’t mean any harm but that would hardly be a comfort to Bilbo during Lobelia’s ranting.

“No, I don’t mean that it’s cold outside,” Pippin explained. “I mean you’re getting colder. You are moving away from some awfully good hiding spots. Haven’t you ever played hide and seek before?”

“I thought I asked you to go away and leave me alone,” Otho said.

“You did,” Pippin said.

“Then why don’t you do that?” Otho asked.

“Because I want to help you win,” Pippin said. “You’ll never find Bilbo on your own.”

“I’m not on my own,” Otho hissed bending down and glaring at the child. “Lobelia is just off over there in the woods looking for Bilbo.”

“I know,” Pippin snickered. “But she’s doing it all wrong and wouldn’t it be more fun if you found him first?” Pippin hopped from one foot to the other and hummed.

“You gotta go to the privy or something?” Otho asked in annoyance.

“Nope,” Pippin said still hopping.

“Then why don’t you stand still?” Otho asked as he straightened back up and moved further away from Bilbo’s tree.

“Oh, I hardly ever stand still,” Pippin said and he hurried to catch up with Otho. “My papa says that I have too much energy for my own good. I don’t know what he means by it when he says it but he says it all the time so it must be important.”

“You find him yet?” Lobelia shouted from way off in the distance. Bilbo couldn’t see her but his skin crawled at the sound of her voice.

“Not yet, dear one!” Otho shouted.

“You’re doing better than she is though,” Pippin said smiling at Otho. “You want me to go and get her before she gets too far off. She really is going the wrong way.”

“If you’re even the tiniest bit bright you won’t go anywhere near her,” Otho said in disgust as he continued to walk away from the tree. If it weren’t for Pippin, Bilbo might soon be able to climb down and sneak back home. He certainly didn’t dare risk that just now.

“Everyone says she’s an old shoe,” Pippin agreed.

Otho stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the lad. “What?”

“They say that she’s an old shoe and they don’t mean it in a nice way either,” Pippin said frowning. “I don’t know why they say that about her because she doesn’t look like a shoe. Hobbits don't wear shoes. The big folk wear shoes and so it would be funny for a hobbit to look like an old shoe, wouldn't it? I saw one once. The nice hobbit that runs the junk shop had it. He said that there were supposed to be two of them but he only had the one. I wanted to buy it but Merry said that it was smelly and that I couldn’t have it.”

Otho scratched his head and looked at Pippin. Bilbo smiled. He knew that poor old Otho had no idea what the lad was rattling on about. An old shoe indeed! Bilbo was sure that Pippin had meant ‘old shrew’. The lad talked more than he listened so it was hardly any wonder that he got things so confused.

“Listen,” Otho said tightly. “I don’t have time for games. I gotta find Bilbo Baggins or Lobelia is not going to be at all happy with me. Now you get on outta here and leave me to it!”

“Well, all right, but you’ll never find him over here,” Pippin said. “You are getting further and further away from his hiding place.”

“How would you know?” Otho asked.

“Oh, I can see him,” Pippin smiled cheerfully and he started to skip around Otho humming all the while and looking very smug.

Otho caught Pippin by his thin shoulders and pulled him to a stop. “You can’t see him neither. I been lookin’ all over for him and if I can’t see him then you can’t see him,” he said sternly. “So you can’t see him!”

“Can so!” Pippin said.

“No you can’t,” Otho insisted.

“Can so!”

“You can’t!”

“Can!”

“Can’t!”

“I can so see him,” Pippin said sticking out his pointed little chin and folding his arms over his chest. “You could too if you looked in the right place.”

“Is that so?” Otho said with a sneer on his face.

Bilbo’s heart seemed to be moving up into his throat now. Pippin was on the verge of giving away his position and there was nothing at all that he could do to stop the lad from running off at the mouth.

“It is!” Pippin crowed.

“Then if you can see him why don’t you show me where he is and we’ll both have a gander at him,” Otho said.

Pippin frowned and shook his head. “Can’t.”

“Why not?” Otho asked. He was almost as surprised as Bilbo was by this answer.

“That would be cheating and Merry says that if I cheat then no one will let me play with them,” Pippin explained and Bilbo felt a wave of relief wash over him. He silently thanked Merry Brandybuck for his instructions to Pippin.

“Then why in tar nation are you bothering me!” Otho shouted. “Why are you being such a pest if you never meant to tell me where he was?”

“I was going to give you hints and let you guess it yourself,” Pippin said. “That way you’d feel good about finding him and it wouldn’t be cheating. If I just tell you then that won’t be any fun for you.”

“I’m not doing this to have fun!” Otho shouted. “I’m doing this to find Bilbo Baggins! I’m doing this so Lobelia won’t spend the rest of the evening and half of tomorrow yelling at me! I’m doing this because I have to do it, not because it’s fun!”

Pippin looked at him for a moment and then he said, “Did you know that when you shout your face gets really red and your eyes pop out?”

Bilbo had to struggle not to laugh as Otho fisted his hands and glared at Pippin. “Has anyone every told you that you are a pain in the arse?”

Pippin giggled and covered his mouth. “You aren’t supposed to say that word.” He grinned. “I won’t tell anyone that you said it, but you have to be careful.”

“Otho! What are you doing with that child?” Lobelia demanded as she stalked out of the woods.

Otho straightened and looked in her direction with what might have been terror in his eyes. “Nothing, dear one!” he called.

“She looks mad and her hair is all messy,” Pippin said.

Lobelia approached them with her hair sticking out of its usual tight bun, her face flushed, and a tear in her dress near the hem. Her feet were covered in mud and her hands looked filthy.

“Dearest, what happened?” Otho asked. “Are you all right?” He hurried toward her.

“Do I look all right to you?” Lobelia screeched. “Am I normally covered with mud?”

“Of course not dearest,” Otho said looking pained.

Bilbo noticed that Pippin was watching the two older hobbits with interest. The lad seemed to have forgotten all about Bilbo for the minute.

Lobelia stalked on by Otho and toward the path into Hobbiton. “Am I all right? Of all the simple-minded questions to ask!” she ranted as Otho ran after her.

“Bye!” Pippin shouted and he waved at Otho who turned and gave him a rather puzzled wave in return and then hurried to catch up with Lobelia who was still ranting.

As the Sackville-Bagginses disappeared from view, Pippin ran over to the base of the beech tree and grinned up at Bilbo. “I was good and I didn’t tell him anything!”

“No, you didn’t,” Bilbo said still not knowing how he had managed to avoid disaster this time. He began to climb down slowly as Pippin stood beneath the tree hopping up and down and spinning in a circle.

“I guess you won!” Pippin crowed.

As Bilbo climbed down the last few branches he smiled at Pippin.

“Where are you supposed to be?” Bilbo asked and he reached over and ran a hand through Pippin curls.

“I’m just supposed to be waiting for Merry is all,” Pippin said.

“Where are you supposed to be waiting?” Bilbo asked.

“On the stoop in front of Bag End,” Pippin said.

“I see,” Bilbo said taking the child’s hand. “Don’t you suppose that Merry will be worried about you by now?”

“No,” Pippin said with a bright smile. “He didn’t want me waiting on him to start with. I was just doing it. He told me to go play and not to bother him. He said he was going to play with some of the older lads. I was only waiting for him because I knew he’d change his mind.”

“Well, then we should hurry back in case Merry has changed his mind and is looking for you,” Bilbo said.

“Wait ‘till he hears that I played hide and seek with you and Otho and that old shoe, Lobelia,” Pippin said happily. “He thinks he was playing with older lads but mine were way older than his! Lobelia must be at least a hundred or so, isn’t she?”

Bilbo chuckled.

The End

G.W. 10/28/2005