Chapter 7. The Old Gaffer's Friend, Revisited

"The Old Gaffer's Friend" -- Shire term for pneumonia, which carried off the elderly relatively quickly and painlessly

Merry was waiting in the corridor. 'Got him all tucked up, nice and cosy?' he asked, but his smile faded at the sight of Diamond's face. 'What is it?' he asked.

'O Merry, I'm so glad you're here,' she sobbed, and he put his arms around her, looking to the healer, whose face was grim.

'He's fighting me,' she said, 'which is in itself not unusual. What worries me is his not fighting.'

'I don't understand,' Merry said.

'The Thain has always been a difficult patient at the best of times,' Woodruff said. 'He refuses to give in to illness or injury, and I practically have to tie him in bed to keep him there.'

'So I'll go in and sit on him then,' Merry said, but the healer was shaking her head, and Diamond gave a little sob against his chest.

'That's just it,' Woodruff answered. 'He's not fighting this time. He's not railing about this project and that undertaking and why in the world am I keeping him in bed for a sneeze or a scratch?' She sighed. 'I think if I were to let him be this time, he'd turn his face to the wall.' Merry felt a chill as the healer used the old hobbit expression for one who'd had enough.

He looked down at Diamond. 'Let me speak to him,' he said.

'Right,' the healer said, straightening. 'We'll go off to the kitchen, Mistress, and you'll help me make this tea palatable enough for him to choke it down.'

'And if he doesn't choke it down?' Diamond asked.

Woodruff smiled. 'I still have a few tricks up my sleeve, Mistress,' she said, and took Diamond's arm to lead her away.

Merry entered the room, staring down at his cousin for a long moment before he spoke. 'You know, this will not do. It won't do at all.'

Pippin opened his eyes. 'Did Diamond send for you? I'm that bad off?' he asked. 'When did you get here, Merry?'

Merry sat himself in the chair by the bed. 'Don't you remember, Pippin? I was there when they dug you out... Tookland was suffering a sudden dearth of engineers, so they sent to Buckland for some.'

'Ah,' Pippin said, closing his eyes again.

Merry chuckled. 'The Pony Post finally paid for itself,' he said.

'Oh?'

'Yes, we were here by teatime,' Merry answered.

'So was it you ate up all the seedcake?' Pippin asked.

'No, I think it was Doderic,' Merry said. 'I was too busy eating all the jam tart.' He could hear the rattle of his cousin's breathing. 'You know, you've got Diamond quite upset.'

The Thain didn't answer. 'Pippin, look at me!' Merry said urgently. When there was no response he pinched his cousin sharply.

'Whatever did you do that for?' Pippin said, opening his eyes.

'Trying to wake you up,' Merry said, barely holding on to his temper, which proceeded to slip from his grasp. 'You're lying here feeling sorry for yourself, it's not bad enough you got yourself buried, scaring your wife half to death, but now you have her even more upset with your selfishness.'

'I--' Pippin began.

'Exactly!' Merry snapped. 'I -- I -- I -- that's all you're thinking about. Not a thought to those who love you and are worried about you, like your wife, I saw her outside just now, she's worried sick!' He took hold of himself again and spoke more softly. 'Pippin, you've got to fight. We don't want to lose you.'

The Thain's eyes opened wide. 'You're not going to lose me,' he said. 'I'm just tired, is all. If I start to cough my head is going to split wide open and my brains will fall right out.'

'That might be an improvement,' Merry said evenly. 'Now I want you to do exactly what Healer Woodruff says, and I want you to smile at your wife and say "Yes, dear" to everything she says.'

'Yes, dear,' Pippin muttered.

'You're delirious,' Merry said.

'No,' Pippin answered, opening one eye. 'Just practicing.'

***

When Merry saw the agonies his cousin went through to try to cough the dust from his lungs, he was almost sorry he'd talked him into it. Almost. He knew there was really no other choice. He held Pippin firmly through the coughing fits, easing him back on the pillows at the end of the last one, smoothing his hair back and saying, 'At least your brains haven't fallen out yet.'

'Just give it time,' Pippin gasped. 'I've shook them loose, anyway.'

***

They were having a whispered consultation in the corridor. 'I don't believe he realizes how very ill he is,' Merry said.

'So what else is new?' Diamond demanded in frustration.'

'No,' Merry shook his head. 'This is different, somehow. Before we've always had to fight to keep him in his bed, telling stories to distract him. This time I think he needs the stories to keep him from slipping away from us.'

He tried to smile at Diamond. 'I've done this before,' he said. 'I'm sending Berilac back to Buckland, but I'll stay until your husband is out of danger.' He spoke more confidently than he felt, but Diamond nodded and he saw some measure of the fear leave her eyes.

'Now, Mistress,' the healer said, taking her by the arm. 'I want you to put your feet up and rest. You can be holding the Thain's hand whilst you do so, but those feet are to be up on a stool and I will take no arguments from you, I've enough to contend with from the Thain.'

Merry gazed at Diamond in shock. She nodded up at him. 'Yes,' she said. 'It's not generally known, yet, I just told Pippin yesterday, as a matter of fact.'

'Congratulations,' he said, smiling gently. 'Woodruff's right. You worry about yourself and the little one, and leave the worrying about Pippin to me. I've had lots of practice.'

***

'I was afraid of this,' the healer said, lifting her head from the Thain's chest. 'We're in for the full fight.'

'What, the Old Gaffer's Friend has come back for a visit?' Pippin asked weakly. 'I thought he only came in the winter.'

'Ah, no,' Woodruff said softly, wringing out a cloth to place it on his forehead. 'It seems he's made an exception in your case.'

'We can get through this,' Merry said encouragingly. 'You've done this before.'

Pippin nodded, closing his eyes. 'O aye,' he said, 'Practice makes perfect.'