Chapter 2: Letting Go

“I suppose you had fun again with that little disappearing act of yours.”

Bilbo looked up, startled for a moment. He smiled, but it quickly faded. “No, actually, I didn’t, if you must know,” he rather peevishly told his guest. He sighed and his next words were more pained than anything else. “It means I’ll be leaving Frodo again and saying goodbye is just not something I can do well, not with him. Maybe I’ll take him with me this time. I should have last time. He’s just the same anymore. If I had taken him, none of what hurt him would have happened.”

“And Sauron may have gained all the power he needed to bring a second darkness to the world,” Gandalf said. “No, Bilbo, you did right to leave him. And you must leave him again. And the Ring.”

The wizard’s voice was almost gentle, but under that velvet was a layer of steel that brooked no argument. Bilbo knew better than to argue with that tone, but decided to be contrary anyway. He twisted the Ring around his finger. It was his again. He had missed it. Why shouldn’t he keep it? “No,” he said. “I think I’ll keep it this time. When I saw Frodo in Rivendell after he came back, he didn’t even look or act like himself. In some ways he was even more beautiful, clearer, if that makes any sense, but in other ways much darker. The Ring did something to him. It’ll be safer with me.”

The velvet began to slip away. “The only safe place for it is to be melted in the fires that created it.”

Bilbo looked up, alarmed. “Melted?! Such a pretty thing?”

Gandalf took a step closer to Bilbo and lowered his head slightly. “It’s a dangerous weapon, Bilbo. There’s nothing pretty about it.”

Bilbo’s eyes narrowed. “Weapon?! What really happened to Frodo? He’s never told me, besides begging me in tears for forgiveness and I told him he had it, but what for, Gandalf, what for? I heard him cry out almost every night from nightmares while we were in Rivendell both times. And his eyes, oh, his beautiful eyes...” He looked back at the Ring in his palm. “And now you want me to give this to him again.” He put the Ring back into his pocket. “I won’t do it,” he said firmly, the Baggins stubbornness coming fully to the fore. “I won’t put him in any more danger. Besides, what danger can such a small thing cause? It’s been safe in my pocket for decades. Why is it such a danger now?”

“It has always been a danger to you or anyone who has it. I realized that almost too late.” Gandalf paused until Bilbo looked up at him again and the wizard was sure he had his friend’s full attention. “And there are others that realize its significance as well. The Ring is not yours, Bilbo. It never has been. Its rightful owner is looking for it, even as we speak. It’s not safe here. None of us are while it still exists. It must be destroyed.”

“But why does it have to be Frodo to do it again? You’ve seen him, Gandalf. He’s been...been...” His voice trailed off. “He’s not my boy anymore,” he ended softly.

Gandalf looked at his dear friend with love and compassion and understanding. He placed his hands on Bilbo’s shoulders and waited until the old hobbit raised his tear-streaked face to him.  “No, he’s not,” Gandalf said quietly with a smile. The steel in his voice was covered by velvet once more. “He is becoming more and more the child of his Creator. He has yet to understand what that all means, but he heard the Call at the Council and he answered it. The Ring did change him, as it does all its bearers, but you are right that he is also ‘clearer’. He was almost conquered by the darkness, but his light won out. That is what you see even brighter now because the darkness is also deeper and sometimes you need the black to see the light best. Frodo himself doesn’t understand all the changes wrought in him; he is still moving through that process. What he will become after all is said and done, I imagine will be lovelier than any mortal ever has been, but it will be a painful transition and not easily accomplished.”

The old hobbit grunted. “You are being even more obtuse than usual, my inscrutable friend. I don’t understand a word in ten that you just said. I’ve read all the ancient tales that speaks of the One and the Powers, but I can’t say I understand it all.”

Gandalf laughed softly, not unkindly. “My poor hobbit, I am sorry. The ways of Iluvatar are indeed sometimes hard for mortals to search out. Let it be said that even with all our love for Frodo, there is Someone who loves him even deeper and is even more proud of him. I would share your wish to protect from all he had to face and I share your grief that he will have to face it again, but this is his task, Bilbo. He was given it by a Power higher than any of us. I do not understand why this has happened again, why it has been allowed to happen. But he has accepted it as he did last time, confused and afraid, but going on because he knows he must. You need to play your part too. You must give him the Ring.”

Bilbo still hesitated. “I...”

Bilbo looked nervously at the envelope Gandalf held out for him as he continued to hold onto the Ring in his pocket. Gandalf sensed a struggle go on within him, then be decided. He dropped the Ring into the envelope and watched as Gandalf sealed it. “Oh, Gandalf, you take the fun out of everything,” the hobbit said gruffly, trying to hide all the emotions that roiled in him from that simple act.

The wizard would have laughed if he didn’t recognize each of those emotions. “My dear Bilbo, I am assuring you can still have fun. So is he.”

“Oh, sticklebacks, Gandalf, I should be the one assuring that it’s he who will be having the fun, not this confounded other way around.”

Gandalf looked compassionately at the old hobbit and put his hands on his shoulders. He waited until Bilbo looked up at him. “That is not your part to play, Bilbo. Your part is to let him play his.”

Bilbo tried and failed to find comfort in that. He began to pace nervously. “I don’t like this, Gandalf, I don’t like it one bit.” He stopped and looked at his oldest friend with fresh tears bright in his eyes. “It hurt him very badly, didn’t it? And it’s going to hurt him again.”

“Yes, Bilbo.”

The old hobbit pierced the wizard with a hard stare and pointed a finger at him. “You better be going with him every step of the way.” He began to pace again. “I should be going myself. Why should he have to? I’d never forgive myself if something happened to him. It’s bad enough knowing or imagining all he went through the first time.” He stopped again to look at his friend. “That’s all I did last time, Gandalf. Do you know that? My imagination conjured up all sorts of terrible things.” He began to pace again. “And the worst part of it is I know what he truly suffered is far beyond my worst fears.” He stopped. “Is he going to be attacked again? What if he dies this time? Will he turn into one of those nasty wraiths? Wh...”

Gandalf placed his hands on Bilbo’s shoulders and smiled. “I will be with him, Bilbo,” the wizard promised. “And he will have many others watching over him as well. Sam will be there. You need not worry.”

Bilbo sighed deeply. “Sam. He’s always been there. Like I should have been.”

“Bilbo, you did what you were meant to do. Frodo couldn’t have accomplished what he was meant to do if you had stayed. Everything happens for a purpose that was designed long before. Now you must continue to play your part. You are expected at Rivendell, are you not?”

Bilbo licked his lips nervously. “Yes, yes, I suppose I am.” He looked hard at his friend. “You will watch over him?”

Gandalf smiled. “I will watch over him,” he confirmed.

“That’s it then. I just wish...well, I suppose I’m too old for another adventure.”

“You are living the adventure of your own life, Bilbo. There is no greater one than that.”

“I suppose not.” He looked up at his friend again. “Will he succeed? Will he come back again?” Tears threatened again. “I have to know, Gandalf.”

Gandalf’s smile didn’t fade. “You must believe, dear friend, that the One who has given him this task will see that he will not fail to accomplish it. Frodo has more guardians than anyone can see.”

“Yes, yes, I suppose he does. I know I’ve read about them, but I don’t completely understand. I can hope, though, I can at least do that,” Bilbo said somewhat absently, not looking at Gandalf, then back up to him. “Can I say goodbye to him this time? I couldn’t bear to last time, but I don’t think I could bear not to this time.”

The wizard’s smile deepened. “Why don’t you say ‘I’ll see you in Rivendell’ instead?”

Bilbo smiled faintly. “Yes, I think I like that better.” When he looked up at Gandalf this time, the wizard thought he looked vulnerable and a little frightened. “Can I say the same to you?”

Gandalf opened his arms and Bilbo buried himself in him and the folds of the wizard’s cloak that smelled faintly of pipeweed. “I will see in Rivendell, Bilbo,” Gandalf said softly.

“Don’t be late,” Bilbo said sternly, to cover up his rising fears, then broke away.

Frodo entered then and Bilbo turned to embrace his nephew tightly. Frodo held his uncle just as firmly. They both murmured comforts to each other, sure that the other needed it more than they did. It was long before they broke apart and then only after they had looked at each other for a long time and wiped at each other’s tears.

“Goodbye, Frodo. I hate putting you in danger, but I trust Gandalf will take better care of you than I could. I’ll...I’ll see you in Rivendell.”

Frodo smiled lovingly. “Goodbye, Uncle. I hope to see you there.”

Bilbo broke away. “You will. Of course you will. You were never one not to devour a book cover to cover and I know you didn’t have time to finish all those in Elrond’s library.”

Frodo laughed and Bilbo thrilled to hear it and Gandalf smiled. “Barely made a dent in one shelf. I could spend the rest of my life there and not even finish.”

The old hobbit latched onto those words as though they were a lifeline. “Maybe you could when you come back. I won’t be returning to the Shire you know. I’ll be staying with the Elves. I would love to have your company.”

Frodo smiled. “And I would love to have yours, dearest Bilbo. And Sam would be so happy among all the Elves.”

“Yes, yes. Well, let’s plan on doing that, then, shall we? And then you can write and read all you like and we can live happily to the end of our days there, away from...away from everything.”

Frodo sobered some, but he maintained a faint smile for love of his uncle. “I will do my best to assure that.”

Bilbo looked up at his nephew whose eyes reflected so much more pain and sorrow than they ever had before Bilbo gave him the Ring, but there was also love there and a strong determination. Those hadn’t changed. “I love you, Frodo, love you so much that I would do anything for you, to protect you, to take you away from all this, but I know I can’t. I know you have to do this and I want you to know how proud I am of you, how proud I have always been of you.”

Frodo beamed amid fresh tears. “Thank you, Uncle. I love you, too, very much.”

Bilbo looked at him one more time, then nodded. “I’ll see you in Rivendell, Frodo,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. He had to leave, yes, right now. If he didn’t, he’d drag Frodo with him, away from the Ring, away from everything.

Frodo smiled and embraced his uncle once more. He kissed his head softly. “I’ll see you there.”

Bilbo wanted to hold onto him forever, but he forced himself to break away. He looked around again one last time at his old home and old friends, then he picked up his book and quills and made to set out. “Well, the road awaits and adventure along it,” he said, hoping he sounded braver and grander than he felt. Then he added, more softly, almost to himself, “I like that. I’ll have to put that in the book somewhere.”

He headed out, turned once to wave at Frodo and Gandalf who stood at the door and waved back, then he turned out of sight, swallowed by the night.

“Will he be all right by himself?” Frodo asked when his eyes could no longer see anymore of his uncle and he and Gandalf turned back inside.

“He should be fine,” the wizard said. “I’ve alerted the elves and they are sending an escort that will meet him at the edge of the Shire. Bilbo is much more worried about you than he is about himself.”

Frodo sank down into a chair. “And I’m worried about him. And Sam. And Merry and Pippin and...”

Gandalf touched Frodo’s shoulder. “Sleep now,” he said. “We’ll set out at dawn and Bilbo will be waiting for you at Rivendell.”

Frodo nodded, got up wearily and laid down in his bed for the last time in a long time. He found sleep come surprisingly easy. The nightmares that had only too slowly begun to fade did not bother him at all that night. He had a sinking feeling though that it was because he was about to live them again soon enough.