Chapter 13: Forgiveness

The first things Frodo were aware of was when he woke on the second morning since the shard in his leg had been removed was that he was not in as much pain, the bed he was in was soft and he was at peace. The sense that his soul was being torn in two was muted and he knew he had made it safely to Rivendell. The rest of it was a blur of terrifying nightmares, of a battle barely won, and of beloved voices and touches reaching him as though from a great distance, anchoring him. He had vague memories of brief periods of consciousness when he was more aware of those so dear to him, but none so clear and vivd as now as he realized that he was being held. And someone, no, more than one, was singing softly to him. He picked out and savored the three separate voices, as they took turns, and did not open his eyes until he had heard the entire song, then squinted into the bright sunlight. The pale veil that had shrouded everything for the last fortnight was torn away and he saw as he should. He let the brightness soak into him, a balm to the darkness that had almost overtaken him.

He looked at Sam who held him and then his cousins. They all beamed at him and crushed him in a tight embrace. Frodo let out a little yelp as his shoulder was hit and they pulled back as burned, horrified and ashamed they had hurt their dearest friend.

“I’m so sorry!” they said all at once.

Frodo smiled. “Don’t worry. It’s the best pain I’ve ever felt. Now come here and let’s try that again.”

They were more careful this time and Frodo held the three of them the best he could and they held him and the four of them cried in relief and joy. Frodo kissed the heads of each of them. “Thank you,” he said.

“How are you feeling?” Pippin asked when they broke away.

Frodo smiled again. “Like I’ve been buried under three hobbits,” he said and they laughed. “And like I’ve been loved and worried about and prayed for more than any being ever has been,” he continued more seriously.

“Nothing but the best for you, cousin,” Merry said.

Frodo laughed softly. The three hobbits thrilled to hear such a wonderful sound. “I heard you three arguing who would hold my hand while we traveled here.”

The three hobbits blushed. Sam looked a bit horrified. “I hope we didn’t upset you, dear,” he said anxiously.

Frodo smiled at the brothers of his heart, a world of love in his eyes. “It felt wonderful, actually. I am very blessed to be so loved.”

The three beamed.

He looked at them, engaging each of their eyes in turn. “And I heard all you said and sang to me and I felt you hold me. I hope you all know that I love you just as much.”

“We’re just that glad you are getting better, dear,” Sam said.

“But scare us like that again...,” Merry said with a mock-threatening tone.

“I’ll try not to,” Frodo said with a smile.

“See that you don’t,” Pippin said in the same tone as Merry’s.

Gandalf entered then and smiled at the happy reunion.

“Gandalf! Gandalf!” Pippin cried. “He’s awake! Frodo’s awake!”

“So I see,” the wizard said with a large smile. He looked at Frodo who still had his arms around his cousins. Frodo was smiling widely and it did Gandalf a world of good to see it, almost the same smile and joy that had always streamed out of the hobbit from his youth.

“I’m very pleased to see you are getting better,” he said. “Elrond is a very capable healer, but these three have been just as untiring as he has been. They’ve barely left your side the entire time.”

Frodo smiled. “I know. I heard them and felt them.”

“Are you hungry, Frodo?” Pippin asked and Frodo smiled because he knew though his cousin’s concern was real, it was also because he himself was hungry. The tween’s stomach growled at that moment to confirm it. Merry laughed softly and Pippin blushed.

“I can’t help it. I’m still a growing lad, you know,” he said defensively.

“Well, at least your stomach is growing larger,” Merry said and poked at it.

“I know you are starving too, cousin dear,” the tween retorted.

“Well, don’t just sit there arguing,” Frodo teased. “Go get something before we are all starving.”

Pippin smiled. He kissed Frodo’s curls quickly. “I’m so glad you’re all right,” he said, then scrambled off the bed. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll go with him and make sure he doesn’t eat it all on the way back,” Merry said.

“Make sure you don’t either,” Frodo called after him.

“Maybe I should go with them,” Gandalf said with a smile. He squeezed Frodo’s uninjured shoulder briefly and left.

Frodo looked at Sam, still smiling.

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t come with you, me dear,” Sam said. “I wanted to. You don’t know how much, but Strider thought it would be too dangerous. And I couldn’t have borne it if something had happened to you because Arwen had to protect me too.”

Frodo looked at his most beloved friend. “And I couldn’t have borne it if something happened to you, my Sam,” he said. “Don’t be sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It was selfish of me.” He paused for a moment, his smile fading. “I was just so afraid. I didn’t want to be without you.”

“Well, you have me now and I won’t let you go again.”

He smiled again. “Thank you, Sam.”

Gandalf, Pippin and Merry returned with a large breakfast tray that the hobbits all shared in on Frodo’s bed. The five ate, talked and laughed.

After a while, Gandalf said, “May I have some private words with Frodo? He doesn’t know about our other guest yet.”

Frodo looked at his cousins and Sam, the question of who the mysterious guest was clear in his eyes. The answering gleam in Merry and Pippin’s showed they clearly knew about it, but weren’t about to tell. Sam looked uncomfortable, like he was about to tell, but then shut his mouth without speaking.

“All right, off you then!” Frodo said with a wave of his hand in mock-irritation. “Keep your secrets.”

Merry and Pippin laughed. They gave their cousin a quick kiss and hug, then scrambled off the bed. Sam looked like he wished to stay. He looked uncertainly between his master and Gandalf. The wizard smiled and nodded and the young hobbit then with the two others, each of them carrying empty plates, bowls and mugs.

Frodo looked at his friends as they left, then up at Gandalf who stood at the edge of the bed. “I wish we could just all stay here forever,” the hobbit murmured. “Just forget about the Ring and be happy here without the threat of being consumed by the darkness outside.”

“Then the darkness would consume even this place,” Gandalf said. “It is a great temptation to hide when danger come and hope it will pass over and ignore you, but that is a false hope and a terrible mistake.”

Frodo was silent for a moment. “I know, but I just can’t stand the thought of leaving. It’s so peaceful here. I don’t feel the doom that’s outside its gates waiting for me.”

“But it’s still waiting nonetheless, not your doom perhaps, that would only overtake you if you remained here, but the Shadow will not fade merely because we wish it to. If you remained, it would overtake us all. There is no safe place. This is an oasis, a refuge. Refresh yourself here while you can and then go on, so it can remain that way.”

Frodo reached for the chain around his neck, but looked up sharply at Gandalf when he didn’t feel it.

“Don’t worry,” the wizard said. “It’s in safe keeping. It was removed when you were brought here in the hopes it would speed your healing. It’ll be brought back when you are ready.”

Frodo’s hand dropped from his neck. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” he said quietly. “I’ve already made mistakes. I feel so weak against the pull of the Ring, weaker than before.”

The wizard’s features softened in compassion. “But you still resist, Frodo. That is the essential part. None of us can carry the Ring for you, though your friends would for love of you, but we can help you carry part of the burden if you’ll let us.”

Frodo looked at the doors his best friends had left through.

“They would do anything for you,” Gandalf said.

“I know,” Frodo said softly. “That’s why I can’t let them do anything.”

“You can’t prevent them. They fully intend to go Mount Doom with you. As I do. As do Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Boromir.”

Frodo looked up surprised. “Boromir’s alive? Is that the mysterious guest you were talking about? I was hoping you meant Bilbo.” His eyes shadowed with concern. “He is here, isn’t he? I thought I heard him while I was asleep and felt him hold my hand.”

Gandalf smiled. “Yes, he’s here and he’s been nearly as much at your beside as your other three have been. And Boromir came yesterday morning and has been pacing the halls ever since, waiting for you.” He looked into the recovering hobbit’s eyes. “He wants forgiveness.”

“He has it,” Frodo said without hesitation. He looked away for a moment, then continued softly, “I know what the Ring can do to souls.” He looked back up at his friend. “When can I tell him?”

The wizard’s smile increased with his pride in the simple, humble hobbit. “He’s waiting outside.”

Frodo nodded. “Thank you, Gandalf. For everything.”

The wizard bowed. “Thank you, Frodo,” he said, then left and Boromir entered.

A more nervous looking man Frodo didn’t think he had ever seen.

“Hello, Frodo,” the warrior said cautiously. “How are you feeling?”

“Well again,” Frodo responded, “or as well as can be expected.”

Boromir licked dry lips. “I’m very happy to hear that.” He paused. “ I don’t understand how all this has happened again, but I am glad that it did.”

Boromir stepped to Frodo’s bedside and kneeled down and looked into Frodo’s eyes. “I betrayed you and myself and the honor of my people and all Men by attacking you...earlier. I didn’t get a chance to ask for forgiveness then, but I ask for it now. Please, Frodo, forgive me?”

Frodo looked at Boromir’s earnest face and wondered at the marvel of a man, a warrior, on his knees, pleading with him. “I forgive you,” he said.

The joy on Boromir’s face could have outshone the sun, quickly eclipsing the surprise that he had been forgiven so quickly and easily. He let out a held breath, stood and presented his sword to Frodo, hilt first.

“My sword is yours,” he said. “I pledge on my life and restored honor to defend you or die in the attempt.”

Frodo looked at the sword, then at the man who wielded it. “The Ring is treacherous. It will try to lay claim to you again as it is trying to claim me. I forgive you, Boromir, but I do not know if I can trust you. I cannot even trust myself not to fall again. I’m sorry.”

Boromir deflated, placing his sword back in its scabbard, then he rallied himself, kneeling once more. “Then I beg for the chance to prove you can trust me. Perhaps better than the others I can understand what burden you carry since it seduced me too. I came to test myself against it and I do not plan to fail this time. Where is it?”

Frodo’s eyes narrowed slightly, frightened by the new light in Boromir’s eyes. “I don’t know. It’s being kept for me until I am ready to leave.”

“Do you know when that will be?” Boromir asked eagerly. “The borders of this land are already under surveillance. I had to fight already just to get here. Please, Frodo, believe me, when I tell you that I intend to serve you, not the Ring.”

Frodo remained hesitant. “I don’t wish to serve the Ring either, but I have felt its compulsion come over me many times and it’s only because of my friends, that it has not overwhelmed me. It is because I understand its pull that I cannot let you near it. I must complete my mission.”

“And I must complete mine,” Boromir said, the eagerness fading to desperation. “It was and is to protect you.”

“It was also to claim the Ring for Gondor. I cannot allow that.”

Boromir lowered his head for a moment. “Yes, but it is that no longer.” He raised his eyes again, touching the hobbit’s arm. Frodo recoiled slightly from that. “Please, Frodo,” the man begged. “If I am to live again, it will be as an empty shell if I cannot remove the stain of betrayal and shame.”

“I know your intentions are honorable, Boromir, but the Ring is not. It will try to bend all to its will, even those who resist it.” Seeing the man’s increasing desperation, Frodo felt compassion for the man, compassion he wasn’t sure he could afford to feel or give, but it was as much a part of him as his skin. He would not be the person he was without it. “Let me talk with the others. I don’t know if I can properly make this decision on my own.”

Boromir allowed himself some cautious hope. He stood and bowed. “I will abide by whatever you decide. I am glad you are feeling better.”

“Thank you,” Frodo said and then the warrior left to let the hobbit thoughtfully consider their conversation.

The door opened slightly a couple minutes later and Pippin stuck his head in. “He’s coming, isn’t he?”

Frodo looked at his cousin. “He wants to, but I’m not sure. He tried to get the Ring before. What do you think?”

Pippin opened the door wider and he, Merry and Sam came back in. “We need him,” Pippin said. “He fought very valiantly and will do so again.”

“I don’t think he wants the Ring anymore,” Merry said.

“The Ring may want him still, though,” Frodo said, “as it wants me. I only escaped him last time by putting it on. I am loathe to do that again. Sauron will find me. I will fail.”

“No, you won’t,” Sam said. “None of us will let you.”

“Right,” Merry agreed emphatically. “You will get to Mordor, Frodo. We will make sure of that.”

“Absolutely,” Pippin chimed in. “Even if we have to be captured by orcs again to draw them away from you, though I’ve already stated a preference to avoid that, if at all possible.”

Frodo smiled. “And you, Sam, what do you think?”

Sam thought for a moment. “I’ve watched him a little since he came. He’s changed or at least he hopes he’s changed. And we do need more warriors with us. I’ll watch him. He won’t get the Ring.”

Frodo looked at his friends and smiled wider. “Well, I guess if the three most esteemed hobbits in all the Shire agree, then it’s decided.”

The door opened and Pippin turned toward and puffed out his chest. “Did you hear that, Gandalf? We are highly esteemed.”

Gandalf pulled his pipe out of his mouth. “Oh? Are you indeed. By whom?”

“By me,” Frodo said with a warm look at his friends.

“Hmmm,” Gandalf said. “At least you are by someone, Peregrin Took.”

Frodo laughed, music to his friends’ ears and a balm against the worry that had plagued them.

Later in the day, Aragorn, Arwen, Elrond, Legolas and Gimli made their own visits.

“Welcome back, Frodo Baggins,” Elrond said and though his voice and the situation was grave, there was some warmth to his voice.

“Thank you for saving me...again,” Frodo said.

Elrond bowed his head in reply and then withdrew.

“It’s good to see you again, laddie,” Gimli said with a large smile. “Though I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“It is good to see you, Gimli, under any circumstances,” Frodo said with a smile. “And you, Legolas.”

Legolas smiled warmly and bowed his golden head. “I cannot give a better greeting than Gimli already did.”

Arwen and Aragorn came forward then. “It is good to see you awake, mellon nin,” he said.

Frodo regarded them both. “Thank you for saving me, my king,” he said. “And my queen.”

“Thank you for saving us,” Arwen said.

Bilbo came in when all the others had gone. He looked almost shamefaced, as though he knew he had done something to not warrant a warm greeting.

“Uncle!” Frodo cried. “I am so glad to see you!” He reached to embrace the elderly hobbit tightly.

“I am very glad to see you, Frodo,” Bilbo said as he held his nephew just as firmly. He closed his eyes against tears. “I am so sorry that you have to go through all this again, my boy. I’m so sorry that I ever found the Ring.”

He would have let go, not considering himself worthy of all the love he felt from the son of his heart, but Frodo tightened his embrace. “Don’t be, Uncle. Gandalf told me last time that all is meant to be as it happens. You were meant to find the Ring. You were meant to give it to me so it could be destroyed.”

Bilbo looked up at his nephew with tired eyes. “Still, I wish such a burden never had to come to you, especially not a second time. How can you bear it?”

Frodo looked at his uncle compassionately. Though Bilbo could see pain and doubts, he saw love more than anything. “Because I must. I have to believe this second time was somehow meant to be also. Do not blame yourself, Uncle. I am taking on this burden because I would wish no else to have to bear it. I would do so again and again if I had to.”

Bilbo looked at the younger hobbit and some of the sorrow left his eyes. “You have changed so much, Frodo, and I have grieved at it, but you are also becoming a better hobbit than I ever was. There is so much I admire and love in you.”

Frodo smiled. “And I in you, Uncle. Have peace.”