Chapter 11: Springtime

Another spring has come, me Frodo dear, and a more beautiful one I don’t think I’ve seen. I worried some about the plants and flowers and trees after such a harsh winter as we had but those I planted with Lady Galadriel’s gift proved hardy and I wondered why I even worried. Another spring but the first one without you. Still the sky is bright and the air is warming. I’m actually writing this with my back against your favorite tree, another place I’ve avoided going because it wasn’t my place, but more because I knew it would break my heart to think of never seeing you leaning up against it again, head in a book as always, but when I came, leaping up to greet me with a huge, lovely smile. It was hard to walk through the fields before when I knew, if I wasn’t careful, I’d pass your tree and you wouldn’t there. I couldn’t bear that thought for a long time and I went out of my way to avoid passing it. But today I came. It was time. Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin came too and we had a picnic here and remembered you and cried for you, but we were able to smile to and even laugh a little. And if we were very silent, we could hear you laughing too. How that helped our hearts!

I remember how when after Mr. Bilbo left, you were so lonely sometimes. We’d go walking sometimes and you would hold my hand firmly, needing that touch I think. You were more quiet then, but then Mr. Pippin would come and drag you out of your loneliness like no other hobbit could. He’d grab your hand and tug you along and soon you’d be smiling and laughing. He’d run you ragged and you loved every minute of it. He was always a master of distracting you from whatever might be bothering you at the time by all his boundless energy and cheer. Even after the Quest, he could still do that. I wish someone could steer him away from his pain now. Mr. Merry has tried, bless him, but he’s lost in the same pain we are. We don’t blame you, dearest. Don’t ever think we do. We just miss you and love you so much that we still haven’t completely figured out how to go on with such a big part of our hearts and souls missing, but today, we have made another realization that you are not truly gone for us.

We all looked at your tree and saw you there, either eager to come play or to read. If I look with the eyes of my heart, I can still see you there. I remember all the times that you would have me sit down next to you and you would read to me, reciting poetry or one of the songs and stories from Mr. Bilbo’s books or something you made up. You had such a beautiful voice.

I thought of how excited you were when you first came to Bag End and Mr. Bilbo gave you a book that he said you could call your very own - a book you hadn’t read before that had all sorts of stories of grand adventures and battles. I remember you rushing over to my home and nearly pulling my arm off, you were so anxious to get started, but you remembered your manners in time to ask if I could come out. My mum laughed and said I could. Then we ran to your tree and you told me what you had gotten and you started immediately to read to me all that was in the book, talking so rapidly I was getting almost as breathless as you just from listening. How your face shone that day! We finished the whole book that day and then you started over again, speaking more slowly so we could both savor it more. I closed my eyes and just listened to you and imagined being in the story myself. I remembered the times I would read to you and you would close your eyes and smile and I know you were imagining being in the story yourself. What adventures we dreamed of!

On the way back from the Havens, Mr. Merry had said you weren’t truly gone if we remembered all the places you had been and the memories we had of you there. And he was right, me dear. You haven’t left. You are still here. We just need to know where to look for you and we don’t have to look far. You are everywhere. We saw you here today and we are going to keep coming back. We know you will always be here, waiting for us.

How I love you, my dearest.