14 Confession

Diamond stood outside the door to Sam's study, hand resting on the door knob she was afraid to turn. Sam had looked so serious and his voice sounded sad when he gave her the message that Peregrin wished to speak with her in the study. She took her hand from the door knob. A sudden chill shook her as she stood in the tunnel that before had seemed warm and comforting but now seemed shrouded with gloom and foreboding. She knocked on the door and didn't touch the door knob until she heard Peregrin bid her enter.

He stood with his back to the door, his right arm resting on the mantle piece and his head bowed. "Please sit down, Diamond." He said without turning to look at her.

She sat on the edge of the easy chair closest to the fireplace, feet flat on the floor, knees tight together and her hands twisting nervously in her lap. Long minutes passed and Pippin neither moved nor spoke, she could sense he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. Diamond's thoughts raced with her heartbeats. 'He's changed his mind.' The wild thoughts were saying. 'He feels he has made a mistake. He doesn't want me.' With a sharp little gasp she tried to hold off the tears rising in her eyes. Still Pippin didn't speak.

"Sam . . . Sam said you wished to speak to me." Diamond managed to whisper.

"I'm not sure how to begin." Pippin said softly without raising his head. He was biting the inside of his right cheek till it hurt.

Diamond's heart clenched in her chest and her tears started their slide down her cheeks. She looked down at her hands in her lap and more to herself than to Peregrin she whispered; "Does it matter how you begin, when the ending of it is that you have changed your mind regarding me?" Pippin could barely hear her words but they cut through him. He turned and fell to his knees beside her. He grabbed her hands from her lap and kissed them.

"No. Never that." He said and laid his forehead on her hands, which he held as tightly as someone drowning would cling to the hands of their rescuer. "It's you who might not want me. There were other lasses . . ." His voice cracked and failed him for a few seconds. "Two other lasses that I courted seriously. I thought I loved them, that they loved me. Though not as badly as it could have been, things went . . . I went . . . I went too far in showing my affections." He raised his desperate eyes to her. A pain shot through Diamond's chest as it seemed to her that he was suffering as much as he had while recounting his cruel treatment by the orcs.

"I thought . . . no, it doesn't matter what I thought. I was a fool. A fool in my thoughts and a fool in my actions, and now I know real love, and my foolishness might cause me to lose you." His forehead fell to rest again on her hands while his whole body trembled with the fear that was tearing at him.

Diamond rested his head on her lap. She slowly worked one hand free from his grasp and began to stroke his hair and gently rub his head.

She bent down and whispered, "I know." in Pippin's ear. A shiver passed through him but he did not lift his head or ease his grip on her hand that he still clutched in both of his. "Iris and Pansy. I've known since the times you were with them." Diamond's fears for herself had flown and her only concern now was to bring comfort to her betrothed. "Their mothers were so smug about their daughters having caught your fancy that they happily overlooked any indiscretions, and they knew there were indiscretions."

Pippin let go of Diamond's hand and buried his face in his hands. She tenderly moved his hands away, held his head between her hands and drew him closer as she bent toward him until their lips met. She tried to put all the love she felt for him into her kiss. She continued to hold his head when she finally ended the kiss, not wanting him to look away.

"I had dreamed of you. In my dreams I accepted all those dances you offered, and in my mind we danced the nights away. I knew in my heart I would never be someone you would consider for a wife, that I would never be with you. But, oh how I wished I was Iris or Pansy."

Pippin looked away. "Please look at me, dearest Peregrin." She said and he slowly brought his eyes back to hers. "It would be nice to have been your one and only, but . . ." she kissed his forehead, "I will be the one who will see your dear face beside me every morning. I will be fixing your meals, sharing your dreams and caring for you when you are ill." She kissed the tip of his nose. "I . . . I, who never thought you would ever want a poor seamstress with her siblings to raise, I will be the one who will bear and nurture your . . . our, children." She kissed his chin. "I would rather have those things, Peregrin. They had you a few moments, I will have you for a lifetime." She kissed his lips and he took her in his arms and pulled her down to sit on his lap.

After awhile, Pippin moved his lips away from Diamond's to rest his cheek against hers. With his left hand he held her head firmly against his shoulder while he hugged her body to his with his right arm. He held her tightly, almost fiercely while rocking her gently. He clung to her. He had been forgiven.

"Do you mind if we wait, if we keep our show of affection to hugs and kisses, until we're married?" He said softly. "I want things to be different, better, with you and I."

Diamond kissed Pippin's neck. "Waiting will be fine with me."

"How long does it take to plan a wedding?"

"I don't really know." She sighed. "I've made wedding dresses for many a bride and I know that alone can take two to three weeks. I've never planned a whole wedding though. Why?"

He kissed her head and then relaxed his hold on her so they could look at each other. "I asked if we could wait." Pippin smiled and reached up to play with the curls around Diamond's face. "But I am Pippin Took and I'm not known for being patient, unlike a certain King of Gondor I know who waited forty years to claim his bride." He smiled and looked into her eyes. "I would like to get married on First Yule."

Diamond's eyes went wide and she pulled back a bit. "First Yule! First Yule? On the very day? Peregrin, that is only eight weeks away!"

"I know!" He chuckled and kept playing with her curls. "Can it be done?"

"I've not even come of age yet, Peregrin." She sat up and leaned a little further away from him.

"Your birthday is only a few months away, Diamond, and I love Yule and it would be so beautiful and you could wear the gown I bought for you and I would be in my livery and . . . and . . ." The 'Pippin' part of him was to the fore and he sounded childlike in his eagerness. He had long ago perfected a beseeching look that was impossible to resist.

Again, it was something in those clear green eyes that confused the thoughts of anyone who gazed too deeply into their depths. "Is there truly a need to wait any longer than that?"

"No." Diamond's words came slowly as she remained entranced by Peregrin's eyes. "There really is nothing that we should not be able to do in eight weeks time. First Yule does sound lovely."

"Then the first full day of our lives together would be the first day of the new year. It just seems right to me." His voice was soft and deep and his eyes sparkled.

Diamond leaned against him again, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Yes, First Yule will be wonderful, Peregrin. Can we be married here in Hobbiton?"

It was Pippin's turn to be surprised. "Not in Long Cleeve or at Great Smials?"

"I would like Rosie to stand with me and Sam would do the ceremony. With their family, it would be easier if the wedding were here."

Pippin hugged Diamond tighter. "I was wanting it here as well and was afraid you would object." He laughed lightly and kissed her head.

"And you will be wanting Merry to stand with you." She said with a smile. "I know how close you two are. I only hope we will live close enough so that you can see each other often. I know it will pain you both if you can't be together whenever you want or need to be."

Pippin planted several kisses up and down her neck, making her squirm and giggle. "You truly are my precious gem." He said and then went after the other side of her neck. Then he stopped and looked at her. "I was afraid you wouldn't understand about Merry, about how close we are, or that you might be jealous. But you already know, you understand! You are wonderful!" He nuzzled her neck some more, tickling her and releasing her musical giggles again. Then he murmured, "Thank You." in her ear. He laid her head back onto his shoulder and drew a deep breath. His playfulness with her had begun to arouse him and, as he fully intended to hold to his word and wait, Pippin knew he had better settle down. Once again he began to rock her gently, simply enjoying the feeling of holding her close.

After awhile he kissed her forehead then tipped her head to look into her eyes. "My gem. My precious Diamond." Pippin whispered. "You had best get up and go to bed." He kissed her again and then started helping her up. When they were both on their feet he offered her his arm and he walked her to her room.

"We've a busy eight weeks ahead of us!" He said happily as he held her close once they reached her door. "Thank you for agreeing to wed on First Yule."

"I must be mad!" Diamond laughed and gave Pippin a squeeze. "But it will be beautiful, my love." She tiptoed to give him a good night kiss, went into her room and shut the door.

Pippin touched the wooden door gently with his finger tips and rested his head against it. He sighed as tears came to his eyes. "Of course you're mad, Diamond. You're a North-took and you are marrying this Fool of a Took. What could be madder!" He chuckled and then, "Bother it!" he said to himself, "I cry way too easily for a grown hobbit!" But he smiled as he cried. He walked the few paces away from her door to that of his own room, looked once more towards her room, then went inside and quietly closed the door.