Sorry this one took so long!

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Chapter 17 - Not Lost

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"I'm very glad you decided to come over," Rosie said to Estella as the two hobbits entered Bag End.  It was early afternoon, the day after Merry's drunken scuffle with Hugo Goodbody, and Rosie had just returned from telling her friend about the previous night's events.  "You and Merry really need to talk this out.  I know how happy you were with Merry in your life, and I don't want to see you lose that just because of one argument."

"Neither do I," Estella replied softly.

It had been only a day since she had stormed out on Merry, but already she missed him.  She missed him terribly.  It was different from all the days they had spent apart before; this time Estella felt as though a piece of her heart had been taken from her.  Yes, his words had hurt, but what hurt more was this absence in her soul, this emptiness that had appeared so suddenly and so painfully.

Being with Merry had changed Estella somehow, but it was not a change that upset her, nor did it unnerve her.  It simply surprised her.  In the time she had spent with Merry, Estella had become less cynical, more trusting.  She found herself focusing more on the good in people rather than the bad, and for once in her life, her infamous temper was becoming much easier to control.  She had not lost her independence; she had not lost anything, save perhaps her once-constant pessimism.  But she had gained something - she had gained the happiness that had once been so hard to find.  It was as though Merry helped to bring out the better part of her.

No, she thought.  He is the better part of me.

Rosie spoke again, interrupting Estella's thoughts.  "He's in that bedroom," she said, indicating a door a few steps down the main hallway.  With that, Rosie turned and walked towards the kitchen while Estella made her way to the bedroom her friend had pointed to.

Estella sucked in a deep breath and knocked on the door.  Her only response was a downright miserable groan from inside.  She knocked again and this time was greeted with a muffled, "All right, come in..."

Slowly, she opened the door and peered in.  "Merry?" she said softly to the figure lying on the bed.  "Are you all right?"

At the sound of her voice, Merry immediately sat up, but his head apparently protested this sudden movement.  He lay back down with a groan, rubbing his temples.  Estella felt a stab of pain upon seeing his condition.

"I'm sorry," she muttered.  "You need to rest now, I'll come back later."

"No," said Merry quickly.  "No, don't go."  He motioned for Estella to come and sit down on the bed.  She did so, and Merry spent a moment simply staring at her.  Finally, he spoke:  "How long has it been since I told you I loved you?"

Estella smiled faintly.  "Almost a week, I believe."

Merry sat up slowly and took her hands, pressing them between his.  "I love you, Estella.  I love you so much.  And I cannot bear to think that I might have ruined what we had together."  He stared deep into her eyes, his gaze firmly but gently piercing her heart and soul, making her want nothing more than to stay there with him until the end of time.  "I'm so sorry for what I said before.  Please, Estella, tell me that I haven't lost you."

Tears threatening to escape her eyes, Estella replied, "No, Merry.  You haven't lost me.  I'm simply glad that I haven't lost you."  She regarded his haggard appearance for a moment and sighed.  "Oh Merry, you're a mess," she said softly.  But her eyes said what her voice had not:  And I love you all the more for it.

She glanced around and found a basin of water and a cloth, which she suspected had been used to help Merry out of his inebriated state the night before.  She dipped the cloth in the cool water, sat down on the bed again, and gently dabbed at Merry's face, lingering on the thin scar at his lip.

"Rosie told me what happened last night," said Estella, her voice almost a whisper.  "I wish you hadn't gotten into that fight, getting hurt on my account..."

Merry reached up and took Estella's hand again, and pausing her work with the cloth she met his gaze.  "I consider it a small price to pay," he said softly, echoing the words he had spoken to her all those months ago.  Suddenly, he leaned forward and kissed her passionately, almost hungrily.  He placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.  It had seemed like an eternity since he had felt her warm lips against his...

Estella let the cloth drop to the floor as she wrapped her arms tightly around Merry's neck.  She savoured the taste of his lips, the feel of his hands, as the memory of his words rang clear in her mind.  Already, the emptiness in her heart was being filled.

She broke away long enough to murmur, "Oh, Merry..."  He began trailing gentle kisses along her jawbone.  "If I can't stand one day away from you, how am I ever going to survive ten months?"

Merry pulled away and gazed intently into her eyes.  After a moment, a strange look flashed across his face; it looked like he had finally made up his mind about something.  "Yes, those ten months will be difficult," he said.  "But I know something I can do that will make them more bearable, for me, at least."  He then slowly slid off the bed and knelt in front of Estella, clutching her hands tightly.  Estella's eyes widened.

"Merry..."

"I wanted to ask you this last night, but things didn't go exactly as planned."  His voice was soft and even, but it carried a sense of deep passion in the words he spoke.  "Estella, I know you've been hurt before, and I know I hurt you yesterday.  But believe me when I say I will never hurt you again.  When I return from Gondor, I want to make it my duty to ensure that you know nothing but happiness.  I want you to be the first thing I see when I awake in the morning, and the last thing I see before I close my eyes at night.  I hope with all my heart that you will wait for me, because when I get back, I never want to let go of you again.  When I get back, I want you to marry me."

Estella did not know whether to smile or cry; in the end, she decided to do both, and she fell forward into Merry's arms, holding him tightly.

"I love you, Merry, I love you so much..."

"Is that a yes?" Merry inquired hopefully.

Estella pulled away so that she could look into Merry's eyes.  Smiling, she placed her hands on either side of his face and rested her forehead against his.

"It is," she whispered.

Merry smiled a smile the light of which could have rivaled that of the sun.  He stood,  pulling Estella to her feet; he then picked her up and twirled her about, as he had the night of their first kiss beneath the mallorn tree.  Estella laughed with him, feeling as though, with hearts so light, they could both float away with the breeze.

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