"…and everyone was pleased, except those who had to mow the grass."
J. R. R. Tolkien, Return of the King, The Grey Havens.

The Great Hobbiton Race of 1435

by Llinos

beta Marigold

Chapter 1 - The Magnificent Machine

"One, two, three – Ta-dah!" With a theatrical flourish Pippin pulled the oiled sheeting back and grinned at the gasps of awe and wonder that emanated from the crowd of hobbits waiting expectantly around the waggon.

"Well that's a marvel to see and no mistake!" Sam took his hat off to scratch his head. "It's a big one all right."

"Isn't it splendid Sam!" Merry rubbed an imaginary speck from the gleaming brass with his handkerchief. "Took six months just to haul it from Dale."

"Well it's very nice, I'm sure," Sam said, although his tone sounded a long way from certain. "What are you going to do with it?"

"Yes, what's it for Uncle Merry?" Frodo-lad was no more baffled than Samwise, but both he and his father could be deceptively straight-faced when confronted with the latest innovation for Shire modernisation by the entrepreneurial cousins. "Is it a horseless carriage?"

There was a general stir amongst the onlookers at this query. Followed by a chorus of excited and doubting questions.

"Does it go on its own?" Young Merry Gamgee asked.

"If it goes by itself," Gaffer Burrows mumbled, "whaddya need a team of horses and a waggon to fetch it?"

"Why's it got a big chimney for?" Little Hamfast wanted to know.

"Does it make something?" Ralf Bolger peered underneath to see if he could find any clues there.

"Bread and cakes?" suggested Pansy Bracegirdle.

"No, silly!" It's for fetching water," Dandimus Proudfoot decided. "Look at the big tank on it!"

"It must make something!" Ralf persisted. "Chips – does it make chips?"

"Fireworks!" Shouted a cluster of small lads. "Make fireworks! Fireworks!"

"It's some sort of engine!" muttered old Farmer Cotton. "No good'll come of it, you mark my words!"

"No, no and no!" Pippin shouted above the hubbub. "You're all wrong. Look at the inscription on the side."

The youngsters crowded forward. They could all read quite fluently since Sam as Mayor had established the village school, but Merry Gamgee was the quickest and read out for the benefit of his more illiterate elders:

"The Great Steam Vapour Spindle Activated Vegetation Dissection and Lubrication Apparatus – by Appointment to Thain Peregrin I, and under Chartered Licence from Meriadoc Brandybuck, Master of Buckland, dedicated to the Hobbits of Bywater and Hobbiton in the Year 1435."

"That's all well and good," Farmer Cotton frowned, "but what does it do?"

"It dissects and lubricates," Pippin explained as if this were perfectly obvious, "vegetation!"

A ripple of confusion ran through the crowd and Merry 'Ahummed' loudly for attention. "It's an automated gardening and farming machine." He scanned the expectant faces for some sign of understanding. "That is, you put the water in the boiler here," he indicated the large tank on the underside, "and here," he pointed to the even larger reservoir on the back.

"See," Dandimus announced smugly. "It is for fetching water!"

"Fetching it to where?" Ralf Bolger asked. "Is it a water delivery cart for those who don't have pumps?"

Merry ignored the interruptions. "Then you put coal in the firebox." He patted the furnace in the centre of the machine. "And that boils the water, then the steam pumps the pistons along the cylinders, which turn the turbines, which drives the engine and makes the wheels go round. The gear attached to the axle is then engaged, causing the spiral-cylindrical blades to spin on a horizontal axis."

Pippin took over, reading from a large black copperplate inscribed manual, "The Spindle Activated Vegetation Dissection and Lubrication Engine is a new combination and application of machinery for the purpose of cropping or shearing and irrigating the vegetable surfaces of lawns, grass-plots and meadows."

"You mean," Sam worked his way through this mystifying set of instructions, "It cuts grass? All that, just to cut grass?"

"Yes!" Pippin slammed the manual shut with a bang that made everyone jump. "Shall we show you?"

There was a stunned silence. Merry and Pippin glanced at each other, trying to work out if everyone was impressed or totally baffled. The older hobbits looked bewildered and just shook their heads, the younger ones beamed in anticipation of a demonstration and Sam… Sam sighed, grinned and waited for the worst.

TBC