7: Melyanna

Varda wasn’t satisfied that Ilmarë, Sáyandilmë and the other Máyar did not find anything amiss in the star nursery, but all the evidence seemed to point to no other conclusion.

"Perhaps Námo and I interrupted Melkor before he had a chance to do anything," Oromë suggested doubtfully.

Manwë shook his head. "As to that, there’s no way to tell at this time. We must be more vigilant. My brother is stepping up his campaign with feints and diversions. That means he may be readying a full-scale assault."

They looked grimly at each other. "So what shall we do?" Vána asked. She was the youngest among them and looked to the others for support and comfort. Yavanna took her younger sister in the Thought of Ilúvatar into her embrace.

"What we can," she answered, "and trust to Atar for the rest."

Manwë nodded. "Your sister is correct, meldanya. To that end we should double the guard on the star nurseries and keep a more consistent watch on the Children’s galaxy. Nothing must happen to delay their coming."

So it was decided, little realizing that their measures were already too little and too late.

****

For some time nothing untoward occurred. Watches were maintained and the Ayanumuz went about the business of structuring Eä. Some of the wastelands were still embroiled in Chaos and Námo was often called upon to settle the areas in question. It seemed to be a particular gift of his. While he rejoiced in the anarchical freedom which Chaos evoked in him, even better was the pleasure he felt when he invoked the more particular freedom of Right Order, with its boundaries and limitations. Chaos for the sake of chaos did not attract him. It was drawing Order from Chaos that gave him special delight. Chaos had its place in the greater scheme of things, but it could not dominate. Chaos was the servant of Order, not its master and Námo was the Lord of Order-Out-of-Chaos to which Order would eventually devolve, for Eä was not the Timeless Halls. Eventually all would come to an end and then there would be a New Beginning.

Irmo often accompanied Námo to these wastelands. His gifts were different from his older brother’s, but they were close in mind and spirit and often helped one another.

"Estë and I are worried about Melyanna," Irmo said at one point as they moved from one trouble spot to the next.

Námo was attempting to restructure the physics of one of the more distant galaxies from their home galaxy. Space here seemed particularly recalcitrant to remaining stable and Time was flowing backwards, which really annoyed the Ayanuz to no end.

"Why is that?" he asked with only part of his attention on Irmo. "Here, grab that star that’s drifting twenty degrees from galactic north. I don’t know why it won’t stay put."

Irmo complied to Námo’s order and together they brought the errant star back to where it belonged. "She’s become somewhat withdrawn lately," Irmo said once they had gotten the star where Námo wanted it. "Neither Estë nor I can get her to tell us why."

While they weren’t officially espoused yet, there was an ‘understanding’ between Irmo and Estë which the other Ayanumuz and Máyar respected. Lately, in fact, Irmo’s people and Estë’s had begun cooperating with one another, sharing tasks.

Irmo and Estë were charged with monitoring the general health and well-being of the Ayanumuz and Máyar. Some of them tended to be so focused on their work that they were sometimes in danger of becoming overly fatigued. It was often the case that one or the other would have to advise their fellow Ayanumuz or the Máyar to take some time to rest. Such advice wasn’t always appreciated or accepted.

They all remembered the monumental row that had occurred between Irmo and Manwë when the former ordered the latter to leave off working and Manwë had point-blank refused. Both Ayanumuz were stubborn, though it looked as if Manwë might actually win the argument, for Irmo was beginning to feel intimidated telling off the Eldest. Then, Atar intervened gently by telling Manwë directly to heed Irmo’s advice. Manwë, of course, capitulated immediately, even apologizing to Irmo for his rudeness, before taking Varda and disappearing for a time.

It was to Irmo’s credit that he never smirked over his ‘win’; it was to Manwë’s credit that when some time later Estë tentatively suggested that perhaps Varda could do with some rest Manwë promptly and without argument spirited his spouse away, though Varda loudly protested that she did not need a holiday, just some more time to figure out what she was doing wrong. She had been trying and failing to get several stars to ignite. They ended up becoming what Aulë, in a fit of rare snideness, called brown dwarfs. Varda was both upset and embarrassed and threatened to do things to Aulë’s aura that would turn him into a brown dwarf.

At that point Estë had stepped in with her suggestion to Manwë and the Eldest had taken Varda and gone. When they returned some time later, they were both in a better frame of mind. Varda even apologized to Aulë for her threats. Aulë gave her his own apology and suggested they call the failed stars something else, but Varda demurred.

"‘Brown dwarf’ is as good a name as any for these miserable excuses for stars," she had said, flinging one of the offending objects from her sight with a single disdainful thought.

After that no one argued when either Irmo or Estë told them to stop working and go play.

"Withdrawn how and for how long?" Námo asked while taking an inventory to make sure Space was acting as it should. He had a feeling that one of the higher spatial dimensions had destabilized in this part of Eä and made a mental note to have Ulmo or Aulë check it out. Extradimensional physics was their specialty and Námo was happy to leave them to it. He had enough difficulty dealing with the four dimensions in which the visible part of Eä resided.

"She’s stopped dancing since the lighting of the second beacon," Irmo replied.

"She’s stopped... wait," Námo pointed to an area of dark matter. "Let’s shift that clear of this area. We’ll move it closer to the galactic core. I think it’s interfering with the physics here."

The two brothers in the Thought of Ilúvatar concentrated their wills towards moving the dark matter towards the center of the galaxy. It was not strenuous work but it did take some concentration. Finally, Námo was satisfied that they had done all they could. Even now the chaotic features were leveling out and Space in this part of Eä was once again becoming stable while Time now flowed in the right direction, towards final entropy rather than back toward primeval Chaos.

"She’s stopped dancing?" Námo asked Irmo in disbelief as they left that part of Eä for still another area that was exhibiting chaotic features.

Irmo nodded, his expression troubled. "And Ingil tells me that Aulendil has been seeking her company lately, though he does not think she particularly enjoys it."

"Why does he think that?" Námo asked with a frown.

"Ingil noticed once when Aulendil was attempting to speak to Melyanna, that her aura darkened and she seemed to be afraid. When Ingil approached them to find out what was going on Melyanna’s aura brightened as if in relief and Aulendil seemed... angry."

Námo stared across the vast span of space, idly watching the galaxies rotate and drift apart, thinking. He had his suspicions about Aulendil, but nothing concrete. Melyanna was one of the more beautiful of the Máyar who manifested themselves in feminine mode. She was a lover of song and dance and was often seen encouraging lifeforms on various planets to thrive simply by singing and dancing her way through the stars. For her not to dance was... unthinkable.

"Yet, she will not tell you why she has stopped dancing."

Irmo shrugged. "We can’t force her to tell us, we can only allow her the space she needs to open herself up to us. Estë is worried that Melyanna might be thinking of... joining Melkor."

Námo shuddered and tried not to think what the implications of Melyanna rebelling against Atar might be. Whenever he saw her, he always had a feeling that she would some day do something important, but he could never quite see what it was, only that it somehow involved one of the Firstborn.

"What would you like me to do?" Námo finally asked as they came to an area near the boundary of Eä. Beyond was Cúma where none ventured, for it was Outside, whereas within Eä Ilúvatar’s Will prevailed. Námo found he did not like to venture too close to the boundaries, though he noticed that since his last visit to this area the boundary had moved, showing that Eä was expanding. He would have to remember to tell Manwë. There was some debate among them as to whether Eä would grow over Time or remain much as they had found it when they first entered it. Now he had proof that Eä was indeed expanding. That thought pleased him. He had not liked the idea of there being no change to the universe. He realized suddenly that he thrived on change and hated stagnation. He delighted in the ever changing face of the place that was now his home until Atar decreed otherwise and was glad.

Irmo looked relieved. For some reason he thought Námo would be better in the role of Comforter than he, though he wasn’t sure why. Námo seemed so unsure of himself sometimes that it was difficult to think that he was the older brother. He remembered a conversation he had had with Atar once....

Irmo was sitting on the edge of the water-meads of the Timeless Halls, deep in thought, when he felt Atar’s Presence enfolding him.

"Tell me what troubles thee, child," Ilúvatar said, rocking him gently.

Irmo looked at Ilúvatar in confusion. "But thou knowest everything, Atar. Why dost thou ask?"

Ilúvatar laughed. "But child, dost thou know everything?"

Irmo stared at his Atar blankly, not sure what was meant. Ilúvatar relented and with a smile quietly explain. "When thou dost open thyself to me and tell me what is in thy heart, I rejoice, because it means that thou needest me and, best beloved, I need to be needed."

"Thou?" Irmo asked.

"Of course, child. Why dost thou think I created thee?" He gave his child a hug and kissed him gently. Irmo sighed in contentment and allowed himself to sink more fully into his Atar’s embrace. "Now, tell me what troubles thee, my son."

"It’s my brother, Námo," Irmo said hesitantly, for now he wondered if his fears were foundless and if Atar would scold him for his lack of faith. "I... I’m worried for him."

"Why?"

"He... he’s my elder brother, but sometimes I feel as if I’m the elder," Irmo explained. "He seems so unsure of himself and... and I don’t know why."

"And that troubles thee," Ilúvatar said and Irmo nodded, feeling immensely grateful that he wasn’t being scolded for his words. Instead, Ilúvatar gave him another hug before replying. "Thy brother has a destiny to fulfill that will be very hard on him at times, and the knowledge of it is sometimes a burden that leaves him feeling weak."

"Couldst thou not have made him stronger?"

Ilúvatar shook his head. "Had I made him stronger, he would have broken under the weight of it. I have made him just weak enough so he will bend and not break. But I have given him thee to help him in his weakness, just as I have given thee him to help thee in thine."

"I... I don’t understand, Atar," Irmo confessed, feeling suddenly foolish.

"I gave the both of ye to each other so that each may help the other in your times of need. Together ye are stronger than ye are separately. Thy brother seems weak and unsure because thou thinkest he is, but if thou dost look past his weakness to the strength that lies behind it, thou shalt find that he is stronger than either of ye know. He needs thine encouragement and support to find that strength."

Irmo thought about that for a time before he asked another question. "Why couldst thou not just tell him?"

Now Ilúvatar laughed and it was merry and Irmo felt himself grow merry and less troubled for the sound of it. "Child, he would not believe me. It is something he must discover for himself with thy help, if thou'rt willing."

"Of course I’m willing, Atar," Irmo exclaimed.

Ilúvatar smiled gently at his beloved child. "That is well, my best beloved, for I need thee to be there for him when I cannot."

Irmo nodded shyly, pleased that his Atar needed him. "I thank thee, Atar," he said simply.

"No, child. I thank thee," Ilúvatar replied, embracing Irmo with his love....

"Would you speak to her?" he asked his brother. "Estë thinks that she might open up to you. You seem to have a gift for getting people to open up even when they are most unwilling."

Námo snorted. "I think you’re exaggerating, but thank you for the compliment anyway."

Irmo grinned. "You’re welcome. Should I send her to you or..."

Námo shook his head. "I will find her. Now, let’s finish up here and then go find Estë and Vairë and take them swimming in the corona of one of those variable stars Varda created recently."

Irmo agreed enthusiastically, for corona swimming was a favorite sport of the Ayanumuz as they played among the stellar flares. Soon they were finished with their task and with a quick thought, returned to their own galaxy in search of fun.

****

Námo could not find Melyanna when he sought her for she had disappeared. None of Irmo’s other Máyar knew where she had gone. On a hunch, Námo sought out Aulendil. He found Aulë’s chief Máya busily cataloguing some of the heavy elements his master tended to collect from star cores. These particular samples, Aulendil explained to Námo when the Ayanuz asked, had been garnered from the latest supernova and Námo realized the Máya meant the very one Melkor had set off for the sole purpose of luring Námo to him. Námo forced himself not to shudder as he looked upon the collection.

"I do not know where Melyanna has fled, my lord," Aulendil told Námo when the Ayanuz questioned him. The Máya did not quite face Námo as he spoke.

"Fled, you say?" Námo asked mildly. "From what was she fleeing?"

Aulendil’s aura shifted slightly and Námo could sense the Máya invoking aquapahtië. Námo pretended not to notice, merely waiting for the Máya to answer his question. After a brief time Aulendil opened himself again and his words, while innocent seeming, felt somehow ‘wrong’ to Námo.

"A mere turn of phrase, my lord. I only meant that she has fled from her duties, leaving others to take up the slack."

"Then you have no idea where she may have gone."

"None, lord," Aulendil said, "but I am sure she will return anon. And now, if you will excuse me, lord, my master is waiting for me."

Námo indicated his assent for Aulendil to depart and with a bow that seemed just too studied to Námo’s mind, the Máya departed, taking his macabre collection with him.

For a time Námo stood there deep in thought. The stars shifted another ten degrees as they slowly revolved around the galactic core before he stirred. Coming to a decision, he opened himself fully, never realizing that his aura flared to incandescence, its spectrum deepening to a shade of purple that would one day be called "royal" by the Children.

*Atar,* he called out from the depths of his fëa, *help me find her, for I fear she is lost and can no longer find her way back.*

*Lost only to herself, my son, never to me,* came the quiet reply and then a part of Námo that he didn’t know existed made itself manifest. For a time he could not move or think, for he was too stunned... and afraid.

*Atar...*

*Hush, child,* came the reply, *fear not! I have been waiting for thee to come to this. It is one of thy gifts, to call the lost to thee. It is a gift thou wilt need when thou dost shepherd my mortal Children into my Presence. Many will resist, for they will be afraid. It will be thy task to call to them, comfort them and assure them of my love.*

*B-but why would they be afraid?* It was the only part of what Ilúvatar had said that had made any sense.

*Because they will be weaker in fëa than my Elder Children, but in their weakness I will show forth my strength and thou wilt aid me in the task.*

Námo felt both honored and humble and wondered if he was really capable of using this new gift properly. To have the power to compel the fëar of Atar’s mortal Children to come to him when the time was meet was a responsibility fraught with danger.

*If I had not believed thou wert capable, best beloved, I would never have given thee this gift,* came the gentle reprimand.

*Forgive me, Atar, I never meant to doubt thee.*

*I know that, child. Now, go seek for the one who is lost and bring her back to her family.*

Námo smiled at that and opening himself up more fully to this new gift, he sent his thoughts through the Cosmos in search of a single soul.

****

He found her idly floating along the upper currents of a gas giant orbiting a giant red-orange star far from their own galaxy. It wasn’t so much that he was surprised to find her doing such a thing — floating on air currents of gas giants was a favorite pastime for both Máyar and Ayanumuz — it was where he found her doing it.

"I remember when Varda made this particular star," he said conversationally as he approached her. "It was one of her first efforts and she was so proud of herself, she glowed for quite some time afterwards."

Melyanna gathered herself together, looking both startled and chagrined. "H-how did you find me, lord? I... I did not think anyone remembered this place anymore."

"Atar remembers," Námo replied as gently as he knew how and was startled when the Máya gave an inarticulate cry and sought his embrace, weeping. She clung to him and he gently rocked her, hoping to calm her.

"Why have you stopped dancing, meldanya?" he asked her.

"Aulendil," she whispered. "He says that dancing and singing are all very well, but it’s not work. He says I should be... more attentive to my duties and... and to my lord. He says..."

"Akashan... akashan," Námo interrupted in disgust. "Is Aulendil Atar in disguise and his words law?"

Melyanna stepped out of Námo’s embrace, exhibiting confusion. "Aulendil is older than I in Atar’s Thought and... and Lord Aulë’s chief Máya."

Námo suddenly understood. Among the thirteen Ayanumuz all were considered equals, peers to each other, though they accepted Manwë as Ilúvatar’s vice-gerent in Eä, with the final say in all matters. Yet, it seemed that among the more numerous Máyar a class system had developed where those who were older were deemed to have authority over the younger. Melyanna belonged to both Estë and Vána, one of the very few Máyar who had given their allegiance to more than one of the Ayanumuz. She was also his brother’s chief Máya, though she shared that position with Niellúnë. As far as any of the Ayanumuz were concerned, Melyanna held as much authority as any of the other chief Máyar. Apparently, though, the Máyar themselves felt differently. Authority, it would seem, was based on who had come first in their Atar’s Thought.

Námo grimaced to himself. Melyanna obviously believed that Aulendil, being her elder, had the authority to chastise her and she had taken his reprimands to heart. It was no wonder that she had been so miserable lately. He smiled at her, taking her into his embrace once again, though she was somewhat resistant, and gently caressed her, hoping to soothe her troubled fëa.

"Do you enjoy dancing and singing among the stars, child?"

"You know I do, lord," she whispered.

"Do you think Atar rejoices in seeing you use your gifts of music and dance for the love you have for Eä?"

She looked forlorn at the question. "I... I don’t know."

"Why don’t you ask him?"

Melyanna’s aura darkened somewhat in dismay. "Aulendil says we shouldn’t bother Atar with trivial matters... and anyway, everyone knows Atar only speaks to Lord Manwë now."

Námo forced himself not to laugh even as he was fuming over Aulendil’s presumption. The poor child was obviously sincere and he did not wish to cause her any more emotional pain than she was already suffering.

*Dost thou wish to say anything, Atar?* Námo sent his thoughts beyond Eä and heard Ilúvatar chuckle in amusement.

*It would be best if the words came from thee, my son.*

*But what should I say to her?*

*What thou knowest to be true.*

Námo considered this and nodded to himself. "Listen to me, Melyanna," he said gently. "Atar is always ready to listen to any of his children, from the greatest to the least, and he will answer you if you keep yourself open to his words."

He felt her begin to relax and continued. "Atar gave you the gifts of singing and dancing for a reason, to bring beauty to Eä. I have listened to your singing and I hear the echo of the Song in it. I have watched you dance and have seen the stars themselves brighten with your passing. Do not think that you shirk your duty to your lord and lady or to any of the Ayanumuz with your singing and dancing. They are your work, Melyanna. They always have been."

She was weeping now and Námo rocked her gently, waiting for her to become calm. Finally, she stilled and her aura brightened somewhat towards the soft blue-green that was its normal color.

"You must think I’m... silly," she said shyly.

Námo grinned. "Silly doesn’t begin to cover it, my dear."

She gave him a surprised look and then, sensing the humor lurking behind his words, started giggling and soon they were both laughing. When they were calmer Námo gave her a penetrating look.

"Estë thinks you are considering joining Melkor."

The shock that ran through her fëa was obvious and she began stammering a denial. Námo stopped her with a silent gesture.

"I’m glad to know her fears are foundless. Perhaps you should tell her so."

Melyanna nodded.

"Good," Námo said, then gave her a wicked grin. "And now... I’ll race you back home."

With a startled laugh she did just that. Who actually won the race, though, was hotly debated between them for many ages to come.

****

Meldanya: My dear.

Cúma: The Void, into which Melkor would eventually be thrust at the conclusion of the War of Wrath.

Aquapahtië: Privacy. Literally, "full-closedness", used of a mind that closes itself against telepathic communications.

Akashan: (Valarin) "He says", referring to Eru. The elves adopted and adapted this word as axan, translated as "law, rule, commandment, as primarily proceeding from Eru". Námo is making a play on words.

A note on brown dwarfs: Brown dwarfs are objects which are too large to be called planets and too small to be stars. They have masses that range between twice the mass of Jupiter and the lower mass limit for nuclear reactions (0.08 times the mass of our sun). Brown dwarfs are thought to form in the same way that stars do — from a collapsing cloud of gas and dust. However, as the cloud collapses, it does not form an object which is dense enough at its core to trigger nuclear fusion. The conversion of hydrogen into helium by nuclear fusion is what fuels a star and causes it to shine. It is now thought that there might be as many brown dwarfs as there are stars.