13: Playing in the Tenth Dimension

Námo stood up to face the other four Ayanumuz, seeming somewhat chagrined. He did not look at any of them directly. It took a moment for him to even realize that he and they were incarnate and he was no longer on the moonlet where he had fallen asleep, but on a planet that orbited a white star. That did not surprise him, for he often found himself waking somewhere other than where he had fallen asleep. He did not know why that was, he simply accepted it. Yet, always before he had awakened unclothed. He frowned slightly, trying to remember when he had clothed himself, but finally decided that he must have done so unconsciously while sleeping... or maybe Atar....

"Are you well, Námo?" Manwë finally asked, a look of concern on his face.

Námo, still not looking up, merely shrugged.

"I’m sorry it took so long to find you," Manwë said.

"How did you find me?" Námo whispered, his eyes continuing to stare at the ground. The planet orbited its primary far enough out that it could actually sustain life, though at this stage of its existence that was little more than moss and grasses. Námo noticed that he had been sleeping on a low mound of yellow grass that was only beginning to lose the outline of his hröa as it sprang back to its original position.

"A little nermi told us," Irmo said with a chuckle.

That made Námo look up in surprise. "What..."

"Never mind, brother," Irmo said, smiling, "we’ll tell you later. Let’s go home." He made to take Námo’s hand but his brother shied from him without thinking.

"Námo?" Manwë asked with a slight frown, also reaching for the younger Ayanuz. "It’s all right, son. All is well."

But Námo wasn’t listening. Some inchoate terror gripped him at that moment and he simply unclothed himself and, with a single thought, fled.

"Námo! You come back here this instant!" Vairë fairly screamed, frustration lacing her aura so that her normal green-blue frequency was now shifting definitely towards the yellow spectrum.

Oromë sighed, giving Manwë a wry grin. "Here we go again."

If Manwë felt frustrated he did not reveal it to the others. His own deep blue aura remained steady as he made a decision. "Irmo, go back to the others and show them the way here, but do not let any of the Máyar know of this."

"But I want to go after Námo!" Irmo protested.

Manwë shook his head. "We will go after him. I need you to bring the others here."

"But Námo is my brother! I should be the one to go after him." His own aura, usually a beautiful tranquil indigo, now was flickering unsteadily towards the red-orange frequency, indicating anger, frustration, and even dismay at the turn of events.

Manwë sighed. "Irmo, do not dispute me in this. Oromë can more easily find him than even you can, though you are closer to him in thought than any of us, and I need Vairë as a... a lure."

They all gave Manwë looks of disbelief, Vairë especially, and the Eldest smiled somewhat grimly. "Not in the way you are thinking, children. I will explain later. For now, I need you to bring the others here. Remember," he admonished the younger Ayanuz, "none of the Máyar are to know of this as yet."

Irmo still looked rebellious but in the end he sighed and nodded reluctantly. "Yes, Eldest," he muttered before unclothing himself and thinking his way past the chink in the space-time fabric that had allowed them to enter the tenth dimension. It had been so obvious when they were shown the way that they all wondered that they hadn’t found it earlier.

"I think Atar was waiting until one of us absolutely needed to come here before allowing us to find it," Manwë had said as they had traversed the dimensional fields in search of Námo. The others had had no choice but to agree with that assessment.

Once Irmo was gone, Manwë breathed a sigh of relief. "One less worry," he muttered, giving the other two a wry grin. Oromë grinned back, but Vairë merely raised an eyebrow.

"Now can we go after that... that.... and what do you mean by ‘a lure’?"

Manwë smiled at Vairë’s frustration. "I’ll explain later and you can experiment with new words to call him on the way."

Vairë merely huffed at that but made no other retort, though her expression was plain enough to read.

Manwë turned to the other Ayanuz. "Oromë, can you track him?"

The younger Ayanuz nodded. "Oh yes. It’s easier here than in our own dimension. There are no other lifeforms but us."

"Well, then, let’s go."

With that, the three Ayanumuz unclothed themselves and went after their errant brother, Oromë leading the way.

****

Námo thought himself as far away as he could, though he did not have a conscious goal in mind. He simply found himself on the edge of the event horizon of one of the massive black holes in the center of some galaxy whose light would not reach the Children’s galaxy until well after the Children themselves arrived and Námo knew instinctively that at least another generation of stars would come and go before that event occurred.

Something about the sight of the black hole triggered an emotion rather than an actual memory, but that emotion was turbulent and he found himself quailing.

"Atar!" he called out. He tried to think himself elsewhere but something kept him rooted where he was. That made the terror he was feeling become even more intense and he found himself nearly screaming.

Then a sense of calm stole across his fëa and he felt himself being gently rocked. His screams became mere whimpers until they subsided altogether. Atar did not speak, yet Námo felt his wordless love covering him, soothing him and comforting him until he was completely quiescent. Only then did the actual memory come to the fore and, as he had been forced to do countless times before, he watched the memory play itself out from every angle. Atar would not release him, he knew, until he had seen what needed to be seen and had accepted it. It was a familiar routine, for this was not the first time he had been made to endure such.

Finally he came to himself again as Acairis’ words of warning echoed in his mind and the memory receded. He gave a mental sigh and felt Atar releasing him from his hold.

*Better?* Atar asked gently.

Námo nodded but did not speak, his attention drawn towards the black hole. He gauged the distance to the edge of the event horizon and idly wondered....

*Do not even think it, Child,* came Atar’s amused response. *Incorporeal thou mayest be, but even thou wouldst not survive, or rather, thou wouldst not like what thou wouldst become if thou didst venture past the event horizon.*

"Acairis...."

*My daughter is already regretting her choice, but not enough to turn from it,* Atar said and there was an infinite sadness in his tone that made Námo want to cry in sympathy. *Yet, she hath not gone so far down that road that she could not see thine own peril and wish to avert it if she could.*

"Is there no hope for her?" Námo asked, not sure why he even cared after what she had done to him.

He felt Atar smile at him gently. *Hope is what sustains Eä, my son. Hope is what has saved thee, though thou didst know it not.*

Námo thought about that for a time, not sure what Atar meant but willing to accept his words. Then he frowned and his emotions became more confused again. "Th-they want me to go back," he said simply.

*What dost thou wish to do, best beloved?* Atar asked, and there was neither approval nor disapproval in his tone.

Námo gave a mental shrug. "Don’t know," was all he could say.

*Thou knowest thou canst not stay here forever, dost thou not?* Atar asked, gently rocking his Child in an attempt to calm him.

"Why not?" Námo asked, perplexed. "I like it here."

Atar laughed lightly and Námo felt a wave of pure love spread over him, leaving him feeling somewhat dazed.

*But I need thee elsewhere, Child,* Atar said. *Thy destiny lies with the Children and they are not here in this dimension. Eventually, thou must go back. Thou hast important work to do for me.*

"I do?" Námo asked, surprised, as if he had never considered that he had anything important to contribute to Atar’s plans for Eä. He vaguely remembered his tasks before... before his capture, but that life seemed dim and unreal to him, as if it had belonged to someone else.

*Yes, Child, thou dost.*

Atar let him think about it for a time before continuing. *And when Manwë and the others show up, I do not want thee running away again. Do we understand one another, best beloved?* His tone, while still loving, was more stern.

Námo, recognizing the tone, cringed slightly in embarrassment. "Yes, Atar."

He felt Atar smiling at him and he began to feel better again. *That’s better. Ah, and here are thy family now.*

With that Námo felt Atar’s presence fading somewhat even as Manwë, Oromë and Vairë emerged around him. The three of them did not approach too closely, keeping a respectful and, to Námo’s amusement, watchful distance.

"Don’t worry," he said with a brief apologetic smile before anyone else could speak, "I won’t run off again. Atar says I can’t."

"I’m glad to hear that," Manwë said with a smile of his own. "Are you ready to come back with us?"

Námo shook his head and his expression held a hint of mischief in it. "No.... I'd rather play here. Catch me if you can!"

With that, he disappeared, his laughter echoing through the halls of Eä. Manwë sighed, shaking his head. Vairë gave a wordless cry of disbelief.

Oromë looked at Manwë in amusement. "Shall I go after him?"

"Why is he acting this way?" Vairë asked before Manwë could give an answer. "It’s almost as if... as if..."

"As if he were new come into existence?" Manwë suggested and nodded. "Yes, he reminds me of you when you first came into being," he added with a fond smile.

Vairë gave him a look of disbelief. "I was never that... that..."

Manwë actually laughed at that and, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Vairë’s, exclaimed, "Oh, Atar, what is that? Look Atar, look what I found! Oh, let’s play I-hide-and-thou-seekest-me, Atar!"

Oromë laughed at that as Vairë continued to fume. Manwë gave her a sympathetic smile. "It looks as if he’s regressed somewhat from where he was before."

"But why?" she asked, feeling confused.

Manwë shrugged. "As to that, I suspect that it’s his way of coping with what has happened to him. He’s regressed to an earlier stage of his existence when he was innocent of all knowledge of evil."

"Well, he can’t stay that way forever, surely," Vairë exclaimed.

The Eldest shook his head. "No, nor do I think Atar will allow him to. For now, though, he has a need to act as he does until he can come to terms with what has happened."

Oromë started to say something but Námo emerged in the midst of them. "Why aren’t you playing?" he asked, looking aggrieved. Then, before anyone could answer him, he turned on Vairë and sent a trickle of energy her way, not enough to hurt, merely to surprise.

"Hey!" she yelled. "Stop that!"

"Make me!" Námo yelled back, then for good measure gave her another jolt, only harder, before thinking himself away again with a laugh.

"Námo!" Vairë nearly screamed. "When I catch up with you, you’ll wish you’d never been created!" Without another glance at either Manwë or Oromë she thought herself away, following Námo’s trail.

The other two Ayanumuz stared at each other for a moment before they started laughing. Even as they were laughing, Irmo appeared followed by the other Ayanumuz, who stared about them in awe.

"What’s happened?" Irmo demanded. "Where’s Námo?"

"Being chased by Vairë," Oromë answered with a chuckle. "Námo is in the mood to play."

Varda gave her spouse a measured look. "Play? Now?"

Manwë shrugged. "He’s... regressed to an earlier state of innocence." Then he gave her a private smile. "Remember how they all were when they first came into being?"

Varda giggled. "Oh, dear... you don’t mean....?"

Manwë laughed again. The others looked at the two who were the eldest in Atar’s Thought with some bemusement, not understanding the joke. Manwë finally calmed down enough to speak to them, smiling warmly.

"In the meantime, I think it behooves us to take the time to learn all we can about this dimension." Then, giving Varda another secret smile, he continued, "And anyone who wants to join Námo and Vairë in play may do so."

Before anyone could respond to that, Námo suddenly appeared in their midst, grabbed Irmo in a hug and shouted, "You can’t catch me!" before disappearing again.

Then they all heard Vairë’s mental scream of frustration. *Námo, stop pushing me into star cores!*

Irmo and Oromë exchanged smiles. Then, Oromë spoke. "I’ll go rescue Vairë while you go after your brother."

Irmo nodded, then called out. "Ready or not, Námo, here I come."

As Irmo faded with a thought, they all ‘heard’ Námo make a rude noise followed by laughter. Varda rolled her eyes and the other Ayanumuz started laughing, glad that the one whom they feared had been lost to them had finally been found.