Brother, where art thou?

Author’s note:

Many thanks to Erulisse and to Selene Aduial for beta reading this story for me. 

Chapter 11:

Wandering in the dark

Elrond walked down a dark path, only dimly lit by starlight. The sparse light limited his vision to just a few steps ahead, so he walked forward; ever anxious about what was ahead.

“Elladan, Elrohir,” he called, hoping that he would find any sign of where his sons could be, but only silence greeted him. An unnatural silence such as he had never experienced before. But his sons had to be here somewhere, trapped between the dimensions and unable to find their way back.

No! he thought. He would find them and guide them back, regardless of what he might have to sacrifice. He was beyond desperate now. He had hoped that bringing them together and healing their physical and spiritual wounds would be enough, but he was mistaken. The damage done was too great.

He did not really know where he was right now. His attempt to call his sons back from whatever place they had fled to had brought him to this unnatural place. He guessed that he was on a battlefield of wills now. No-one could help him or guide him. He had to succeed here or his sons were lost to him.

He urged himself to hurry, because this should not take too long, otherwise he would not have the strength to guide his sons back. The young ones were fading and soon their connection with the real word would snap and they would be lost forever.

After a time of fruitless wandering in the dark, Elrond realized, annoyed, that he was beginning to feel the effect of it all. He was starting to get tired. His feet grew heavier with every step and his vision was now narrowed to the dark path. He knew that his strength would be used up soon and then he would lose his only chance to help the twins, but he had not yet found the ones he sought.

He gasped when he suddenly banged against an unseen yet solid wall. He extended his hands, to run them over the invisible barrier. His mind could not grasp the real meaning of this wall standing in his path. He did also not know how far this obstacle extended. Could he somehow go around it?

Suddenly the path beyond the wall was lit somewhat and he could see two shadowy figures heading away from him and disappearing into the darkness.

Hoping that these were his sons; he pounded on the barrier to get their attention. Not knowing if any sound could penetrate this barrier he cried on the top of his lungs. “Elladan, Elrohir. Come back, I’m here now. I can help you and guide you back, my sons.”

As he had feared, the barrier blocked the sound of his voice completely. His throat sore, his voice hoarse and his fists aching from the pounding against the wall, he sank to his knees, desperate tears running down his face; so near and yet so far. He knew that he did not have the strength to overcome the barrier. His own weakness had stopped him from helping his sons, and now they were lost to him.

…………………………………………………………….

Glorfindel jumped up when Elrond shouted the names of his sons. He caught the unconscious form of his friend just in time. Elrond was completely limp in his arms. Having dreaded this for some time, he momentarily sank to his knees holding his friend close. He had been shut out from the mental battle that was going on and because of that he was at a loss of what had happened. Had the healer been successful in reaching his sons or had he failed?

Standing up and lifting the lithe body from the floor, he laid the Elf-Lord next to his sons on the bed, momentarily not knowing what else to do. Looking at the young ones, he could not detect any change. What was he supposed to do?

Absorbed in his racing thoughts he jerked up when the door banged open. Having been alerted by the shouts, Erestor stood in the doorframe and looked, confused, at the scene before him. “What happened?” he whispered.

Glorfindel shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “This, my friend, I do not know.”

Looking at the three motionless Half-elves on the bed, he felt as helpless as Glorfindel. Erestor crossed the room and laid a comforting hand on Glorfindel´s shoulder. “Don´t despair yet,” he tried to reassure his friend. “Perhaps we should grant them more time.”

Glorfindel nodded sceptically. “I hope you are right, but I hate to sit here idly and do nothing, not being able to help. Maybe they slip beyond our reach and we do not even notice it. It is frustrating.”

“All lies in the hands of the Valar now”, Erestor murmured.

Glorfindel looked up. “I hope you are right, but sometimes I fear they do not care.”

………………………………………………………..

Elrohir sank down to his knees. He was weary, he was lonely, and he was cold. He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and let go…let go of his sadness, let go of his loneliness, let go of his grief.

He had lost his brother, the other half of his soul, his reason to live. He had always dreaded the day when Elladan would be dead and he was left behind. So many times he had tried to reach his brother to sent comfort and strength but every time he had failed. And now…now he did not have the strength to go on. He could not and he would not.  

Without Elladan his soul was not complete. He knew that others would consider him weak, that he had given up too early but he did not care anymore. Elladan would have lived on without him, but he could not.

After searching and not finding his brother and after the fading of their bond, his life held no meaning anymore. He wanted to be rid of this constant sadness, this constant aching. Elladan had vanished from his life and with him all joy had left his existence. He knew the sorrow he would cause his father if he gave into the beckoning feeling of fading, but he couldn’t help it.

Without his brother, nothing made sense anymore. A few days ago, hope had flared again, when he thought he had glimpsed a life sign of his brother. But as quickly as it had come, it had vanished. He had so desperately tried to renew the contact but, like in a bad dream, he could never quite grasp the loose ends. In the end he was not sure if his feeling had been real or only imaginary, wishful thinking.

This had undone him and now he walked along the dark path alone, away from his family, his loved ones, and his life. With every passing minute, his bond to the living world grew thinner.

Suddenly he heard a voice calling out to him. He couldn’t see, who was there in the dark, nor could he make out the words. Longingly he looked forward, toward the end of the path, bathed in white light, beckoning him and promising to ease all his sorrows. But there was also the voice, soft and distant, but somehow familiar.

The path from which the voice came lay behind him bathed in utter darkness. He had no desire to turn back, not now that he had come so far. He pressed his hands over his ears to shut the voice out, knowing full well, that this was futile, because the voice was in his head.

He began to run, but the light seemed to not come any closer, regardless of how fast he moved. This has to end now, he thought, exhausted, and turned around in anger to face whoever wanted to hinder him in reaching his destination.

When he saw a figure emerge from the darkness, heading straight toward him, he moved into a defensive stance. “Stop,” he called, “Don’t come any closer. Leave me alone. I don’t want you here.”

His angry words seemed to have some effect on the stranger, because he stopped abruptly, staring at him in disbelief.

Yet after a few moments, the figure moved again and resumed its’ course toward him. Elrohir was shocked when the stranger came near enough to see his face. Elrohir looked into his own face.

“No, no,” he shouted, “this cannot be. I’m going mad.”

He turned and tried to run away, but the stranger was faster and grabbed him. They both tumbled to the ground in a tangled heap. Elrohir struggled violently to get rid of the body lying atop of him. He kicked and pushed, bit and scratched, but was unable to escape.

Suddenly the other pinned his arms to his side and brought his mouth to his ear. “Please, Elrohir, don’t fight me. I’m Elladan. I’m your brother. I’m here. I’m really here. I will help you. Please, calm down.”

Elrohir didn’t stop his struggling. He didn’t want to hear what his mind´s imagination told him. He didn’t want to succumb to another illusion. Without conscious effort however the rational part of his brain took control over his mind for a short amount of time, and demanded that he listen.

He ceased struggling and blinked. “Elladan?” he whispered hopefully, yet hesitantly. “Is it really you?”

Elladan embraced his brother and held him tight. “Yes, little brother, it’s me. Come, let us go back. Someone has called to me. Now I know the way back.”

Elrohir was shaken. Could this really be? Could his brother really be here with him? Looking intently at his mirror image a great sadness washed again over him. If his brother was here with him, then this could mean only one thing: Elladan was also fading or already dead.

But what had Elladan said about turning back? Could it be that they had a chance to return? When Elladan stood and extended his hand hope flared again within Elrohir and hesitantly he grabbed the outstretched hand, fearful that he would grab thin air and his brother would vanish again. When he felt the warm and solid flesh however he held on and let his brother hoist him to his feet.

Too tired to think, Elrohir followed Elladan’s lead, as he always had done, and together they ran back the way they had come. Forgotten was the light and forgotten was the beckoning call. Suddenly he was very eager to reach the end of the path still lying in darkness.

After endless running in the dark, Elrohir began to doubt again. Where were they heading? He could see nothing ahead, but Elladan´s constant tugging at his arm left him no chance to slow his running.

Both of the twins were occupied with their desire not to stumble in the dark, but they did just that as they tripped over a figure lying on the ground. The twins barely managed not to fall. Elladan released his brother´s hand and knelt down to turn the fallen body over, so he could see his face. Both gasped in unison when they looked into their father’s face. Not comprehending why their father was here with them in this unnatural place Elladan gently caressed his father´s cheek.

“Ada?” He whispered, afraid that the Elf-Lord would not respond to him.

Elrohir knelt too, shaking his head in disbelief. “I don’t understand. Why is he here?”

For endless minutes nothing happened and the panic in both brothers rose. With a shaking hand Elladan tried again to rouse their father. This time the Elf-Lord moaned and his eyelids began to flicker open.

“Elladan, Elrohir?” He whispered, not trusting his voice.

“Yes, Ada, we are here. Come let us return home”, the twins answered simultaneously with a heartfelt sigh. Both of them embraced their father. The trio sat there for a few moments, simply savouring the sensation of being together again.

All of his tension and tiredness fled, when the Elf-Lord felt his children pressed against him. He had achieved the impossible. Now he could look forward again.

……………………………………………………………

Glorfindel had nearly lost all hope. Hours had passed and nothing had happened. The three Half-Elves showed almost no signs of life. Their breathing was shallow and their heartbeats were almost non-existent.

He looked out through the window as a great feeling of despair and loneliness washed over him. He felt catapulted back to the dark and cold mountain path centuries ago when he had also failed to protect the ones he was supposed to care for. He felt he had failed in his duty to protect the descendants of the line of Eärendil – again.

Gripping the window sill he did not want to turn around. He did not want to witness their last moments. Once again the greed and malice of men had cost an immortal life. It was so senseless and simply not necessary.

If the unimaginable happened and Elrond and his sons would perish from this world, then this would be a hard blow for Imladris, one from which it might never recover. And it would be like a mortal wound for him. For a second time he would have to watch helplessly as a great Elven Home was destroyed.

He didn’t know how long he had stood there, not caring who witnessed his tears and despair. He had blocked out the outer world so completely that at first he didn’t hear someone calling him. Yet at the third attempt, he whirled around, clearly not believing what his ears had been trying to tell him.

He nearly tripped over the chair standing in his way, when he rushed toward the bed and gripped Elrond’s hand. He stared into his friend´s grey eyes and tried to calm his franticly beating heart.

The Elf-Lord smiled, albeit weak, when he saw the many emotions crossing the golden haired elf’s face. “I´m fine, Glorfindel. Don´t worry. All will be well now,” he whispered. Sensing the inner turmoil shocking his friend’s frame, Elrond squeezed Glorfindel´s hand reassuringly.

Glorfindel jerked up and looked at the twins. They still lay facing each other, but with their eyes open and smiling. He staggered back toward the now welcome chair in his path and sunk heavily into the cushions. He took a deep breath and looked back at Elrond.

“You three have a bad sense of humour.”

Elrond´s smile froze on his face, when he realized how shaken the warrior was. And suddenly he knew why. Glorfindel had thought them already dead.

Elrond rose carefully and crossed the distance between them. He knelt before the chair and looked deeply into his friend’s impossibly blue, haunted eyes.

“I’m sorry, my friend. I’m so sorry. We did not mean to upset you so”.

Glorfindel looked up and Elrond was again taken aback at the deep emotions he still could see in the ancient elf’s eyes.

“It’s not important anymore. The only thing that matters now is that you three are well.”

Elrond only nodded when he registered how tired and exhausted Glorfindel looked.

“You should rest, my friend. Come,” he advised when Glorfindel rose to his feet. Together they turned back toward the bed and looked at the two young elves which had fallen asleep again.

Elrond sighed. “This time, it was close,” he confessed.

Glorfindel nodded. “Much too close for my liking,” he answered.

………………………………………………………………

When Elladan awoke, he smiled. At his back he felt the calming presence of his father´s sleeping form and across from him he looked at his equally content mirror image.

Elrohir, also awake, had tears in his eyes when he extended his hand and lovingly caressed his brother’s cheek.

“Thank you”, he whispered.

“For what?” Elladan queried.

“For bringing me back. For being here and not giving up on me,” Elrohir answered.

Elladan smiled. “You are the other half of my soul, how could I give up on you?”

Regardless of the smile Elrohir was bestowing on his brother, Elladan felt that there was still something unspoken between them. He knew that now was not the time but he would not forget it.

Their foreheads touching they closed their eyes and were asleep again at once.

To be continued……………………………