Chapter 7.  How to Dose a Man?

'How bad could it be?' Bilbo asked, thinking it a reasonable question.

Mardi said, 'I could just let the fever run its course, though it's higher than I like, and if it goes any higher it could have serious consequences for him, send him into convulsions, or worse!' He shook his head and repeated, ‘How do I dose him and do good, without perhaps killing him?’

Bilbo assumed his most reassuring smile. ‘That’s an excellent question, Mardi!’ he said. ‘I can see that your Mistress has trained you well… you don’t just plunge ahead with “what has always worked in the past” but stop and consider. You’ll go far…’

‘That’s all very well,’ Mardi said, bringing the far-traveller back to the matter at hand. ‘But I’d like to be done with stopping and considering – there can be too much of a good thing! – no matter how much good it has done (and I cannot see that “wait and see” is the best cure, though it’s likely better than dosing a Man to death…), his fever is too high for his comfort, or mine, for that matter.’

Little Pippin made a small sound of distress, and scooted a little closer, blankets and all. Eglantine, from where she stood stirring the onions for an onion poultice, cleared her throat at this. Quite naturally the lad looked to his mother. She inclined her head with a meaningful glance. Sighing, he scooted back again to his original spot, to take up his vigil once more, as close as might be, but no closer than his mother would allow.

‘What do you intend?’ Bilbo said.

‘I have Woodruff’s fever remedy in my bag,’ Mardi said. ‘It’ll help his body to work with the fever, to expel the ill humours in his blood.’

‘Tincture of angelica?’ Bilbo said. ‘Rosemary? Yarrow?’

‘Among other things,’ Mardi said, ‘and elderberry and honey to add strength and make it go down more easily.’

Bilbo nodded approval. ‘Yes, that’s what Elrond used…’

‘Elrond? Who’s that, now? I know an Elbert, Grubb, that is, who lives over by the Willlowmere…’

‘The Lord Elrond, Master of the Last Homely House,’ Bilbo said.

Mardi screwed up his face to ponder a moment, then shook his head. ‘Never heard of the place,’ he said. ‘Not a bad name, for an inn, Homely House! … that speaks of comfort! Quite clever, in fact. Though if it were in the Tookland or even the East Farthing I’m sure I’d’ve heard of it. Is it in the South Farthing? My mistress might have…’

Bilbo chuckled.  ‘A little further off than the South Farthing,’ he said.

Mardi made a face. ‘Ah,’ he said. ‘One of your Outlandish acquaintances, I suppose…’

‘You’d suppose aright,’ Bilbo said. ‘In any event, when they brought a fevered Man to the Last Homely House, I was on the spot, as it were, and Master Elrond was kind enough to answer my questions…’

‘He must be a kind sort, if he answered you in a civil manner and you were pestering him whilst he was in the middle of trying to help the poor fellow,’ Mardi said pointedly.

‘He’s the soul of kindness,’ Bilbo said. ‘Kind as summer, you might say.’

‘That would be kindness personified,’ Mardi – who was something of a reader of old books – said, ‘but be that as it may…’ He looked beyond Bilbo to Eglantine, who’d folded the onions into a cloth and had brought the onion poultice over to them. ‘Thank you, Missus,’ he said, taking the poultice from her and applying it to Robin’s chest. Eglantine was ready with the hot water bottle to follow, freshly filled with steaming water and stinging, though not burning, hot, and finally the towel to cover all. ‘We’ll let this work, and see if his breathing improves…’

‘Be that as it may?’ Bilbo asked.

‘What did this “Elrond” person – is he a Goodfellow, by chance? They seem to favour unusual names – what did he say about Men, and dosages?’

Bilbo thought perhaps bringing Elves into the discussion might be counter-productive at this point, so he merely said, ‘Well, he said he’d made some study on the matter, after comparing dosages when dealing with a fever in myself, and as he’d dealt with Men before, and, based on his conclusions…’

‘Yes?’ Mardi said.

‘I’m getting to it,’ Bilbo said. ‘Any how, from what I recollect of his thoughts on the matter, I’d suggest you give the Man half the dose you’d give a hobbit, wait a bit to see the result, and then if you think more is needed, give him half again as much as you gave him in the first place.’

‘Three-quarters, you say?’

Bilbo held up a staying hand, ‘Half, I said,’ he said. ‘Half, to start, and as much as three-quarters, for though that would be less than a proper dose for you or for me, it’s quite a lot for a Man, and any more could be dangerous to him.’

‘I’d like to know how he worked that out…’ Mardi said as if to himself. ‘I wonder how many Men he put in danger, before he understood how the dosages worked…’

‘Elrond has the wisdom of age and experience,’ Bilbo said, ‘and while I doubt he would have put folk in danger while learning his craft, it was so long ago…’

‘An elderly chap, is he?’ Mardi said, checking the temperature of the onion poultice.

‘You might say so,’ Bilbo replied, hiding a grin.

‘Very well,’ Mardi said. ‘If I can rouse the fellow, I’ll give him half a dose of Woodruff’s remedy…’

‘…with a goodly amount of water,’ Bilbo said. ‘I seem to remember they made the two of us drink plenty of water, to keep the fever remedy from doing harm instead of good!’

‘The two of you were fevered at the same time?’ Mardi said. ‘Did you catch the fever from him, or was it the other way around?’

‘I just happened to be in bed with a fever,’ Bilbo said, ‘and Elrond was watching over me, when his sons brought this other fellow in – they’d found him wandering in the Wilderlands, out of his head with fever, and as he was a friend of theirs…’

‘Having Men for friends,’ Mardi muttered. ‘It’s just asking for trouble, if you ask me.’ And he shook his head, looking darkly at his patient, who was – truth be told – proving a great deal of trouble for the healer at this particular moment, what with the worrisome problem of dosages and such.