These again are all requests that have been made – you know who you are!

HRH Éomer of Rohan
King Éomer was famous in fable
For being ready, willing and able
To take on all forces
With his men and their horses
And have them back, before tea, in the stable.
 
Lord Erestor, Chief Councillor to Elrond
Erestor, a Chief of Elf folk,
After seeing how little he spoke,
Said "In 'Lord of the Rings',
I just say four things!
It must be some kind of a joke!"
 
Haldir and Bros
Haldir said "as I'm your big brother
"You'd better be nice to each other!"
Rúmil said, "well all right,"
Orophin said, "I might.
"But remember, you're not our Mother!"
 
Pippin's Troll
When Pippin defeated the troll
He apparently forgot how to roll
You'd think he could figure
When your foe's that much bigger
That it's going to leave a large hole!

Although the battle was won
Being squashed isn't very much fun!
Didn't anyone say
To get out of the way
When your enemy weighs half a ton?

Shelob
Said Shelob, "That hobbit's a pain
Sticking his sword in my wossaname!
But I'll have the last laugh
When I sit in his bath,
Then we'll see who gets washed down the drain!"
 
Grima Wormtongue
Said Grima Wormtongue "I'm blessed
With a name that suits how I'm dressed
With my hair all a muss
And eyes running with pus
Yes, I'm a baddie, haven't you guessed!
 
Tom Bombadil
Said Tom Bombadil "You may smirk,
But the songs that I sing really work
I can bring all the trees
Down to their knees
Even though I sound like a berk!

Witch-King of Angmar
The Witch-King of Angmar said, "Why?
When it's obvious I am a guy
And really quite surly
Does my name sound so girly
Could I please just give 'Wizard' a try?"

It's not like I'm called the Witch-Queen
Which makes sense, though it is a bit mean
And a little bit slashy
So without being flashy
Howabout The Wizard Creme de la Cream!

Arwen Evenstar
Arwen said, "They must have mistook
What I do and how I should look
And if you think I'm too groovy
(I mean in the movie)
You'll be someone who has read the book!"
 
Barliman Butterbur, Landlord of the Prancing Pony
Said Barliman Butterbur,
"I think I would really prefer
Folk in my pub
To just stick to their grub
And not disappear in a blurrrr!"
 
Beregond
Beregond said, "I've a lot on my plate
And while showing Pippin round would be great,
Because he's so small,
He can't see much at all,
Do you mind if I just delegate?"
 
Déagol
Déagol said, "I come from that time
When you chose friends with whom you could rhyme
And as I'm called Déagol,
I got stuck with Sméagol
Which is all well and good, but I've since realised is really not a very good basis for choosing your friends, particularly when you have to decide what to do with lost property that you may have found!"
 
Barrow Wight
There once was a old barrowwight
Who liked to give hobbits a fright
But changing their clothes
While they have a quick doze
Is pretty much BarrowWight Lite!
 
Figwit – The Elf at The Council of Elrond
Figwit said "I didn't use cunning
I just seemed to hit the ground running
Fans gave me this name
Which shot me to fame
Because apparently, I'm really that stunning!

Perhaps I should just have stayed sat
I had no lines and no chat
But though the name was quite terse
It could have been worse
"Frodo Use Care Kid... Who Is That?"

(I suppose I had better explain
Or that lack of scansion will sound quite inane
Figwit's an acronym that's pat
For "Frodo Is Great... Who Is That?"
Geddit? Good! 'Cause I'm going insane!)

 
The Orc With a Skull on His Head (Yes, this really was a request!)
I'm an orc with a skull on my head
But it belonged to someone who's dead
So it's not desecration
It's just decoration
And I could put a hat there instead?