Denethor
After losing both sons in a fight
One dead, but the other not quite,
Denethor said of his loss,
I just don't give a toss,
Excuse me, do you have a light?
 
Saruman the White
When Saruman wanted to check
On the news, he said, "hang on a sec,
I've a nifty glass ball
That shows me it all,
Who said Middle-earth's not high tech?"

"It's under a cloth on the table,
I tune in whenever I'm able,
And now and then,
I can get CNN,
But it's satellite rather than cable."

Treebeard the Ent
Treebeard said to the hobbits, "Don't worry!
You're in far too much of a hurry.
It shouldn't be hard
To destroy Isengard,
Then we'll have a few pints and a curry!"
 
Éowyn of Rohan
Éowyn said, "he can't make me a queen
But Faramir's reasonably clean.
So I'll settle for less
and just be a princess
He's not sexy, but terribly keen."
 
Haldir – Marchwarden of Lothlórien
Haldir said, "I'm not really snooty
But you can't piss about when on duty
I don't want to seem cheap
But if I die at Helm's Deep
Will all the girls think I'm a cutie?"
 
Elrond Half-Elven – Lord of Rivendell
Elrond got himself in a lather,
He said, "Even though I'm not your father
I've a nice line in shouting
'Isildur!' and then pouting,
Will you please chuck that Ring in the lava!"

Fredegar Bolger
After causing a prison food riot,
Freddie Bolger made plans on the quiet.
"Hobbits are fat,
You cannot change that
So piss off with your Sharky-plan diet!"
 
Lord Faramir – Son of Denethor
Faramir said, "after losing our Mother
Dad only had time for my brother
But then I got a cool wife,
Was made Prince for life,
It works out one way or another!"
 
Galadriel, Queen of Lothlórien
Galadriel told Celeborn, "don't moan,
I just want to be on my own,
So when we get into bed,
Please stay out of my head,
Leave a message when you hear the tone."
 
Sméagol of the River Folk
Said Gollum, "you have to admit
for my age, I'm still pretty fit
But although it's quite trendy
to be skinny and bendy
at modelling clothes I'm just shit!"
 
Shadowfax – Lord of the Mearas
Shadowfax just shook his head,
"In spite of the fanfic you've read,
I am only a horse,
So I don't talk of course,
There's bugger all else to be said."

When Gandalf goes on a trip,
There's one thing he does seem to skip,
Before shouting 'Shadowfax', he
Could try calling a taxi,
But I'm cheap and it saves him a tip.

Venerable Hero of Helm's Deep
Said the old bloke who shot the first arrow
"I couldn't see, as the slots were too narrow.
But 'cause I shot the orc,
Too early, there's talk
That I should've been left at Dunharrow!

Said the old bloke "it's a foul accusation!
It was just a one-off aberration.
My nerves hadn't flipped,
My fingers just slipped,
Hence my premature ejaculation!