Chapter 18

When Haldir woke again, his sleeping wife held him close with his head resting on her breast. He could sense the children within and felt them respond to the brush of his fae though it would be many months before they were born. That feeling delighted him with every one of his children for they knew him and their naneth, though they knew nothing else, and they always were glad to sense his presence.

Slowly he realized that part of his weariness of late was because of the strength of life they drew from him and would continue to draw from him for years yet. These were children numbers five and six, and each additional child seemed to require more from him than the previous one did. Another part of his weariness stemmed from the toll the children were taking on his wife and her drawing on him for support as well. He never allowed one of his warriors to even go on patrol under such conditions let alone enter into combat. Why did he think he could handle it?

He never was one to accept his limits, but now he appeared to have little choice in the matter. What was more, his brethren, their married children, and his married children were all in a similar situation to his. None of them were at their strongest just now because of how much their young or unborn children drew sustenance from them. Haldir shifted and positioned his wife in his arms with her head now resting on his shoulder. Gently he kissed her lips and then her forehead, drawing her closer still. Even though they had lost her grandparents, he was so fortunate to still have her and the rest of the family intact. He would do all he could to protect them and the other survivors and lead them to safety. Knowing he had Ulmo’s protection brought him a great deal of comfort.

For a few moments he reached out with his fae, sensing the warriors in the trees surrounding the camp, the solace offered by the trees and animals, and the strong but subtle power of Ulmo in the stream nearby.  Closing his eyes, he sought out his children and his brothers with his thoughts. Briefly, he assured himself that they were safe and resting with their spouses (though young Gilien was asleep with her lover which rankled him a little bit). Soon they would need to break camp and make their way to the river Sirion, but for a few more hours, they could afford to take their much needed rest in peace – a blessing for which he was most grateful.

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“Ulmo?" Orophin asked dubiously. "You are serious?”

“Well, reach over and put your hand in the stream and tell me what you feel,” Haldir challenged. “His power and presence are very strong in these waters.”

All six of the ellyn leaned over the water, with five peering disbelievingly as they each stuck a hand in the flowing water. Suddenly, their reflections disappeared, replaced by the imperious image of a single ellon dressed in greens and blues, his beautiful face framed with flowing greenish silver hair adorned with warrior’s braids.

Rúmil drew back in alarm, letting out a string of expletives in three languages. The image seemed to take offence and a fish leapt from the water, smacking Rúmil across the mouth with its tail before hitting the water again and quickly swimming away.

“Little Brother, perhaps you should watch your tongue in the presence of the Lord of Waters…” Haldir snorted.

Rúmil wiped his mouth in bewildered disgust and looked back down to see the water rippling violently around the image of the Lord of Waters who appeared to be laughing uproariously.

“As I said,” Haldir continued, grinning broadly. “Ulmo will protect us if we but follow the Sirion north to Doriath. He said he would guide us further across the forest to Menegroth proper from there.”

The image of Ulmo’s laughing form faded, replaced by the reflections of each of the six again. Haldir arose gracefully, dusting off his clothes. “Now that you believe me, shall we be off?”

Flashing a smile at the dumbfounded dismay of his comrades from Lothlórien who were busy gesturing frantically to the water and mouthing silent words, he turned and strode away, shouting orders for the breaking of camp as he went.

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“We are moving too slowly for my liking,” Haldir griped two turns of the stars after leaving the cover of the forest.

“At this rate, it will be another two turns of the stars before we reach the river Sirion,” Galadin agreed as he shifted one of his grandchildren in his arms. Haldir long ago gave up on trying to keep track which “great” any particular grandchild was for this ellon.

“Even with the adults carrying the children, our pace has not increased much,” Haldir observed, his voice full of concern.

“Now do you see why we cautioned you on the mapping expedition to not gather so much firewood with the persuasive ellith of Celos Galen?” Galadin peered sideways at Haldir as he spoke.

Haldir laughed, “And this admonition coming from an ellon with six children and six generations of grandchildren after him.”

Galadin grinned back unabashedly. “Captain, I clearly know well that of which I speak.” He laughed, then observed, “Little Lalaith is behaving well for you. I know her naneth appreciates you carrying her so she can attend to your son. How is young Handir faring?”

Haldir shifted the sleeping baby in his left arm, tucking her blanket more securely before replying. “He would be better off if we could remain in one place for a few turns of the stars and allow him to rest more deeply. My wife can do no more for him because of the pregnancy. My daughters are taking turns tending to him, lending him strength, and putting him into healing sleep so his journeying is easier. I worry for him, but I have not foreseen his death.”

Galadin clapped him on the shoulder with his free hand. “Captain, remember that I and the other warriors who do not have pregnant wives or young children are here for you. We are doing all we can to ease the burden on the rest of you and see to the safety of the group. If there is anything at all that you need, you have but to command us and we will make it so if we are able.”

Smiling gratefully, Haldir replied, “I cannot begin to express to you what it has meant having such capable warriors on hand to help us and look after the group. I realize that so many of the people are expressing their gratitude to me alone, but I make certain to tell them that it is all of you who deserve their thanks. I am so proud of you and the way you have handled yourselves through all of this. You have lost as much as anyone else, if not more so because it was your job to-” Haldir shook his head sadly, his smile fading as he corrected himself “our job to defend the settlements and we were unable to do more than see to it that some survived and escaped to try rebuilding again someplace safer. It is a sorrowful thing to lose one’s home or kin, but it is quite another to be responsible for seeing that those losses never happened and to know that one failed at what one had hoped to achieve.”

Galadin stopped, gripping Haldir’s shoulder to bring him to a halt as he turned to face his captain. “Son, I have moved with the settlement five times before you ever even came to Celos Galen. You and the training you provided us with enabled us and two other settlements to survive and thrive well beyond anything we ever achieved before. I do not believe that you comprehend what that has meant to us. You taught us to make a stand and defend our homes and to keep even the distant land around our settlements free of danger until the enemy grew too great. You need to accept that sometimes things are beyond our control. When that happens, we pick up and we go on to try again elsewhere. Not since Cuiviénen have our numbers been so great as they were before the attacks on our settlements.  There were more than five hundred of us, Haldir. Five hundred among three settlements!”

Galadin paused, closing his eyes for a few moments, and shaking his head with a tightlipped grimace.  Two tears slipped down his face, but as he sniffed and started to wipe his face on his sleeve, his grandchild got to the tears first.

“Daeradar, did you get bumped? Are you all right? I can make it better!” then the little boy kissed each of Galadin’s cheeks. “See? All better!”

Galadin smiled in spite of himself as did Haldir. “Thank you, my love,” Galadin replied. “It is all better.” Then the warrior looked at Haldir.

“We the survivors of three settlements still total more in numbers than we did when we first found you, Captain.  This is because of you and your brethren. We all would have perished if it had not been for you and your teachings. I am proud of the way we defended our homes and our folk. And, my Captain, I will not allow you to belittle our accomplishment by dwelling in grief on what might have been or what you think should have been. We all should have died and the fact that we did not is enough for me. And, my son, my dear friend, my brother-in-arms, it needs to be enough for you, too.”

Galadin placed his grandson on the ground for a moment, then proceeded to give Haldir the three kisses of the warrior, repeating the words Haldir spoke over him so long ago, “Maethor onnen, gwador onen”. Then he embraced him as a son, careful not to wake the baby.

Haldir stood rooted to the spot, stunned and utterly speechless, staring at Galadin who grinned as he picked up his grandson, tickled the little tummy, stole a kiss, and then started on again.

Looking back over his shoulder, he called, “Come Haldir, our wives will worry that we have fallen so far behind and we shall never hear the end of it. Not only are they persuasive, but they also are most ill-tempered.”

Still staring in shock, Haldir slowly resumed his walk as well.

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fae - spirit

Maethor onnen, gwador onen: (Sindarin) ‘A warrior is born, a (sworn) brother is given’.