Chapter 8 - Truths are spoken

At dawn the next morning

Arwen sat up in bed and looked around the cozily appointed bedroom that Frodo had given them for their use during this stay and noticed Aragorn standing in his sleeping attire, or at least the bottoms of them, he very rarely wore the tops. He looked out of the round window perfectly still. She noticed the determined set of his shoulders, it was the stance he often held when pondering a task that he deemed difficult or troubling. She negotiated her way out of bed and walked over to where he stood to put an arm around him. She looked up at him as he drew her to him, "My love, what has you so pensive this morning?"

At first Aragorn did not answer, he simply held her tighter and then said, "You should not be up this early. You need your sleep."

Arwen said teasingly, "Come back to bed and then I will sleep! The babe grows restless and would be talk to be his father before he settles back into slumber."

Aragorn turned to her and said, "Are you and the babe quite well?" His eyes held an urgency that Arwen did not quite understand and a small flutter of panic flared quickly and then stilled itself
.
She said, "We are well."

A small sigh of relief was sounded and it seemed like Aragorn was pondering some very weighty issues in his mind from the furrowed brow and pensive look on his face. He seemed to make some sort of internal decision and the panic within Arwen flared again. He looked at her, his face full of emotion. Arwen stood looking into his stormy eyes awaiting she knew not what.

"I know that we have never talked of this before, but what passed between you and your father the night before we parted in Rohan. I don't mean to pry," he said apologetically, "but I must know. I would know everything that has caused you pain. If I do not, then how else am I supposed to ease it for you." Arwen stood looking at him with a curious expression, one caught between confusion and compassion as she watched her beloved. Aragorn stumbled awkwardly though his explanation, "I would not have the silence grow between us again, it would pain me greatly and I cannot stand idly by as you slip from me daily." Aragorn stood and watched Arwen's expression change from one of confusion to one of understanding.

"Is that what this is about?' Arwen asked carefully. Aragorn nodded. She reached up to stroke Aragorn's pepper and salt dark hair gently. A pained expression crossed her face, "My heart, I love you more than I can ever say and love you even the more for trying to help me through this burden. But it is mine to face…alone. I must find my own way through."

"I must be allowed to do something for you, Guren! Please do not shut me out! I cannot bear it! Let me help you!"

"There is nothing you can do." With that Arwen shuttered her thoughts within her own breast, "Come back to bed, my love." Aragorn looked her, saw the fragility of her spirit and indomitable force of her will, then allowed her to lead him back their bed where he gently held her, spoon like, stroking her hair and whispering Elven melodies into her ear to provide what comfort he could. Eventually she found sleep, but Aragorn was not so lucky. He had planned to leave today for Rivendell to speak with Elrond as Galadriel had suggested, but he felt that he could not take such a step without first consulting Arwen. That had been the point behind his asking about their last meeting. It was to be a way of leading into an explanation of why he was going to go to Rivendell. But somehow the conversation never took that turn. His heart was heavy as he felt cast adrift. She was everything to him and he was losing her. The mere thought was ripping his soul into shreds.

***

As dawn gave way to mid-morning, all was quiet at Bag End. Given the activities of the last few days it was not all surprising. The decision last night as the last revelers left the Party Field was that the clear away could indeed wait until at least afternoon. The most of the guests and permanent inhabitants of Bag End kept to their rooms and only the occasional shuffle from behind bedroom doors could be heard.

One however did stir from behind closed doors and ventured out into the dappled morning sunshine. Galadriel needed to get away and seek the morning to revel in the peace and quiet of the woods. She had found a low-slung tree branch that was crying out to be sat upon and there she whiled away the better part of an hour, humming softly songs that she had learned as a young elf about the singing of the earth and the quiet that existed before Time began. It was in this state that she was caught unawares by approaching footfalls.

Arwen, like her grandmother, was seeking solace in the trees of this strange but fair land. She needed to get away from Aragorn and his questioning gaze. She could not make him understand that it was not anything that he could help her with. She walked along soaking up the life force of the wood, when she suddenly stopped short seeing her grandmother sitting in the crook of a tree.

"Einnaneth! I'm sorry if I have disturbed you!"

Galadriel quickly said, "You are not disturbing me at all, Melldanya! In fact I am glad that you have happened by. It has indeed been a long time since we have spent any time together. Come and sit down." She motioned to a little green patch near the low tree branch where she had been sitting.

As Arwen settled down as best she could, Galadriel murmured, "It is so beautiful here, so young and alive!" her face turned to the warmth of the sun. She then looked at her granddaughter, who was looking pensive, and her heart went out to her. "You look sad, you are not happy with Aragorn?"

Arwen looked a bit shocked at the abruptness of the statement, but then thought Galadriel was nothing if not direct. "Yes, I mean No! I am happy with him!"

"Forgive my saying so, but you look anything but happy at this moment. What ails you, my child?" Galadriel knew all too well, but she needed Arwen to realise it for herself.

"I am happy!" Arwen insisted, attempting to hold the Lady's gaze, "I love Aragorn and I do not regret my choice," she stated in a low fervent voice suddenly full of conviction. "But I do have regrets." She admitted in a rather small voice.

"Have you told Aragorn of these regrets?"

"No! I cannot! It would burden him too much to know and I cannot do that to him." Arwen said in a rush tearing her gaze away from her grandmother. "Besides it is my problem and I must find a way through it, myself. I made this choice and I must find a way to accept it," she said with a stubbornness that reminded Galadriel a great deal of her father.

Galadriel sighed, "Arwen, look at me. There are a few things that I must tell you." When she saw that her granddaughter was caught up her own thoughts, Galadriel's voice became stern and she commanded that Arwen faced her. Unwillingly the young woman looked up into the ageless blue of Galadriel's eyes.

Galadriel disliked using such influence upon her beloved granddaughter, but at times it was necessary. "I understand why you say you must work through this choice yourself, it is admirable but completely misguided and will do harm if you continue in this way. This path that you are choosing is plunging a knife through Aragorn's heart and soul. He loves you and every time you turn away from him, you drive it in just that much further." She paused to allow these words to settled in, "Let him into all of your heart, Arwen, allow him to feel your pain with you and offer what help he may. He needs this."

Arwen looked at her grandmother wide-eyed, she had been so busy wrapped up in her own pain and regrets that she had never stopped to think to of what this might be doing to Aragorn, at length she cried, "Oh, the Valar be merciful! What have I done?" She thought of this morning and what he had been obviously trying to do for her and tears came to her eyes. She remembered the pain she saw in his eyes when she told him there was nothing he could do and she remembered his next action, to hold her in his arms and sing her to sleep. Arwen choked back a sob and raising her child-laden body as quickly as she could, she exclaimed, "I must go to him, I must find him, now." She saw her past behaviour for the vanity it was, borne out of pride and arrogance. She bid her grandmother goodbye and went as quickly she could manage back to Bag End.

***

She entered the kitchen, which was still very quiet, save Poppy the maid who was stirring a newly made broth to be had for Teatime that day. "Excuse me, Poppy, but have you seen my husband?"

"Aye! My lady. He took off early this morning said he was going for a quick ride, but I noticed that his saddle bags were full." Fear slashed through Arwen. Surely the little maid was mistaken; he was indeed only out for a morning ride to clear his head.

"My lady?" said a voice from behind her. She turned to see Faramir, looking at her with an expression of regret in his gentle blue eyes. He turned his attention briefly to the bustling maid, "Poppy, would you mind giving us a moment or two. Thank you." The maid bobbed a small curtsey hobbit style and made her way to the door. He looked back to Arwen noticed that she was very still, staring intently at him. Faramir said as gently as he could, "He asked me to tell you that he's left but he will return and that he loves you very much. And he left you this as an assurance of his promise." He held out a silver-wrought ring of ancient artistry set with a green stone. She knew it as the Ring of Barahir and the ring that she given back to him on their wedding day to wear as the restored King of Gondor and Arnor. She knew that he would never be separated from this ring for very long and would return faithfully. She reached out a trembling hand to receive the ring, gazed upon it briefly and then hold it tight in her fist.

Faramir saw all the colour drain from Arwen's all ready pale face and was immediately at her side to help her into the nearest chair, "Where did he go, Faramir? Did he tell you?" a small yet dignified voice.

Faramir looked away, "No, my lady. He did not." There was an unnatural and uncharacteristic tenor in his voice that caused Arwen to doubt his words.

"Faramir, look at me." The Steward reluctantly turned his head back toward his queen, his eyes full of compassion and pain. "Faramir, he did tell you, didn't he?" The Steward remained silent; unwillingly to break his lord's confidence, but regretful that he was causing his lady pain. "But he asked you not to tell me." A look of chagrin crossed Faramir's face that she had guessed this much.

Arwen's mind whirled where could he have gone? She could never ask Faramir to break his confidence with Aragorn and she was not sure that he would, even for her. As she thought, the early morning conversation with Aragorn drifted into her head. With a flash she looked at her silent Steward and knew the only place his king could have gone. "Imladris, he has gone to see my father," she whispered. Faramir cast his gaze downward so to that she would not see the truth of her guessing in his eyes. Arwen put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Ease your heart, my dear friend, you have broken no confidence."

Faramir did not say anything, but a certain tension left his body. In truth, he was glad she had guessed correctly, for even as Aragorn had spoken the word, he had not thought it right to keep such information from Arwen. But having been so bidden he could not reveal it or even willingly confirm Arwen's correct assumption. He was the king's to command and that oath was life to Faramir. He glanced back at Arwen. She was sitting stock still as if unsure of what this new information meant.

In truth she was unsure. She had come seeking her husband to apologise for her arrogance and her lack of trust in him, her heart breaking over the harm that she had wrought upon him with her own selfish actions. Now he had left without consulting her, but then she realized that he must have been trying to do just that early this morning when he had asked about what had gone on between her and Elrond on the day before their wedding. She thought back on that scene four years ago.

***

Four years earlier in Rohan…

Arwen had been told that Elrond was up in the ramparts and she had purposefully sought him. She needed to speak with him before her wedding on the morrow. She felt it most important that she make him understand why she was doing what she was doing.

"Daughter, why do you seek me?" Elrond spoke without turning around and even before she was halfway from the door that lead onto the ramparts. Arwen winced as she heard his voice, so full of pain and loss.

"Forgive me for disturbing you, ada. I just had to see you." To make you understand why I'm doing what I am doing.

Elrond turned, eyes flashing an anger conjured to obscure the intense pain that had settled in his eyes, "There now you have seen me! You can go away happy now!" he stormed.

"! Will not you please listen!" Arwen said in an anguished low voice.

"To what! To the fact that you will marry Aragorn, whether I will it or no, and die in utter sadness after his life is spent. How can I listen to that! How can I be asked to accept that!" Elrond's legendary icy control of his emotions broke at that point and he poured out the pain of his heart. "My beloved daughter, the Evenstar of her people, choosing willing to extinguish that bright, shimmering light that is hers alone and deny the destiny of her people! Is that what you want me to listen to. Is that what you want me to accept!!"

Arwen at the end of this onslaught, crumbled onto the stone bench that ran along the length of the rampart and sobbed, "Gerich veleth nin, ada**!!"

Elrond looked upon his sobbing daughter sitting upon the bench, his heart ached but yet he could not go to her and ease her suffering, I have given and given for the sake of Middle Earth only to have the thing I most treasured taken from me, Elrond thought bitterly. He walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder, and said a voice strained with anguish and resignation, "I'm sorry that my displeasure falls so heavy upon your heart, but alas I cannot change, In this final thing I am immovable. Namarie! Melldanya!" With this he kissed the top of her head and quietly stole away, leaving his daughter to her tears.

***

"My Lady!" She heard Faramir's worried voice break into her thoughts, "My Lady! Are you quite well?" Arwen shook from her reverie to see the Steward of Gondor looking at her with utmost concern written on that kind, intelligent face. "You were just staring and I could not rouse you!"

She turned eyes filled with such infinite sadness upon Faramir that it broke his heart to behold them. She raised a hand to caress the young Steward's cheek, "He's goes upon a fool's errand, Faramir. He will find no welcome in Imladris! Only heartache," she said in a small faraway voice. She closed her eyes as if to blink away both memory and thought. She seemed rouse herself slightly saying, "I'm sorry that I caused you concern, Faramir. It was not my intention," concluded the Queen of Gondor with much dignity, "I find that I am tired and need to rest."

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