“Well, I must confess my knowledge of the situation is not due entirely to my being a wizard. I met Bilbo before I found you two and he told me everything. The poor hobbit is quite distraught and desperate to find Frodo. He asked me to help him. I myself was quite relieved to meet the two of you here.”

The conversation ended with Finbar’s deciding to leave Gandalf and Frodo there to see to their own business. Gandalf thought it was a good idea, too. But the fact that Finbar did not say when he would depart surprised the wizard nevertheless.

Chapter 17 – Everyone Loves You

Silence followed Finbar’s departure. Awkwardness crept in between Frodo and Gandalf as they stood together. Frodo no longer shed tears but his eyes did not flicker with joy or vigor or life the way they did when Finbar was still with him. Gandalf’s heart skipped a bit when he noticed that for he thought Frodo had once again found spirit in his life, something that had long gone since the lad lost his parents.

But now the spirit had dimmed, was dying, fading as Finbar’s figure faded from sight.

Still, Gandalf did not despair. In fact, in his heart he was singing. He could not help imagining the picture of Frodo standing there, flabbergasted, as Gandalf told the miserable young hobbit everything. The wizard could almost see Frodo stuttering as blissful feelings washed all through him. That would surely be the sweetest moment both for Frodo and Gandalf.

“Where are you going now, Gandalf?” Frodo’s small voice turned Gandalf’s away from his thoughts. “Are you going to Bree?” Asked Frodo again, forcing the wizard to look around to meet his eyes. “Can I come with you? I have nowhere to go.”

Gandalf looked deeply into Frodo’s eyes. He could utterly taste the boy’s loneliness and sorrow. This almost made him pour out everything there and then but he thought better of it. He should not hasten or the hobbit would be too shocked and decide to run away again.

“Finbar promised to take me anywhere I want to go to stay, though I’ve thought of asking him to bring me back to his place. But now that he’s gone, I don’t know what I should do.” Frodo took a deep breath. “I really have nowhere to go, Gandalf. You should know that…” His voice trailed off.

Frodo felt weary and prayed that Gandalf would not corner him about his dishonesty anymore. The hobbit felt sure the big folk – the wizard and Finbar – had spoken and all had been revealed about him. Lightheadedness attacked him and he suddenly felt the urge to sit down. Frodo plopped down on the ground and wrapped his arms around his folded legs, embracing himself. Everything was such a mess. Frodo had known that ever since he stepped out of Brandy Hall. His meeting with Finbar was just a fleeting sweet happiness, never meant to be a long-lived one. Mountains of problems were still standing in his way.

And to think that he was alone in facing all of them…

Frodo ducked his head in between his knees and his voice was muffled when he spoke again. Gandalf was barely able to catch the words.

“I won’t blame you if you don’t want to take me after all my misbehavior. Now that I think further, the best way for me might be any way that will lead me to my parents.”

Gandalf gasped. He wished that he had heard it wrong. But he had not. Frodo went on.

“I know no one will miss me.”

Gandalf reached out and grasped Frodo under the arms, bringing him on his feet. The wizard knelt down to the hobbit’s eye level and Frodo’s face was flushed with the sudden appearance of the wizard’s eyes gazing into his. Frodo gazed back at him with incomprehension.

“Everyone is missing you!” Exclaimed Gandalf. His two hands on Frodo’s shoulders pressed hard and Frodo almost winced. “Don’t you understand? You push everyone away by running away like this. You have no idea how confused they are. They’ve been everywhere out looking for you, knowing nothing of how far from them you are now. Now don’t you ever dare thinking of ending your life and breaking everyone’s heart!”

Tears cascaded down Frodo’s face.

“Who are you talking about?” Gandalf could hear how Frodo struggled to sound strong. “Who is this everyone that is missing me and confused and looking for me? Let me tell you this, Gandalf, no one cared for me even when I was there under their noses. And someone who I thought did care turned his back on me. It hurts to know that, Gandalf, and at the same time it makes me embarrassed. As if – as if I beg them to pity and love me!”

Frodo’s voice broke at his last words. He was sobbing now, yet the stubborn hobbit was still fighting it. He tore his arms away from Gandalf’s grasp and wiped away the tears from his face.

“This is so degrading,” Frodo mumbled then and started to turn away. But Gandalf was faster. His prediction was correct – Frodo would try to escape – and this was even faster than he thought. Gandalf circled his fingers around one of Frodo’s arms.

“I am talking about Bilbo,” he said after succeeding in making Frodo look at him again. “There are many others that I am certain share the same feelings, but what I know for sure is that your uncle Bilbo cares very much for you. He is the one who will be heart broken if you ever do what you intend to do. Even now knowing you have been missing has torn his heart into pieces.”

Bilbo.

Frodo’s lips twisted into a cynical smile. Bilbo was the first person he was avoiding and the one avoiding him. Bilbo was the first person hurting his heart. The others never rejected him directly. Only Bilbo did.

“And I thought wizards never lie,” muttered Frodo. He turned his glance to a different direction. But Gandalf caught his words. He straightened up and thundered.

“No, we never lie, Frodo Baggins! Only mortals do – and I hope none have lied to you.” For a moment Frodo thought Gandalf had grown much taller and bigger and darker. The hobbit could only stand there, mesmerized by the sight and his own fear. His knees suddenly gave beneath him and his arms flailed toward Gandalf as if searching for support. Gandalf grabbed Frodo and took the hobbit into his arms. Frodo trembled there and words of apology streamed out of his mouth.

“Forgive me, Gandalf. Please. I – I just can’t believe it. Bilbo misses me. But why? He told me himself… That’s why I…”

“Ran away?” Prompted Gandalf gently. He felt Frodo tense in his embrace but he did not recoil. Gandalf smoothed a hand over Frodo’s back, and slowly Frodo relaxed. “But, are you sure it was indeed your uncle himself who said that he did not want you to be with him? To stay with him at Bag End? Did he come to you, looking you in the eye and telling you that?”

Frodo pulled away.

“I read his letter…” His voice and gaze wavered. Frodo advanced with caution. “Gandalf, are you telling me what I read from the letter was not true?” A pair of wary, grayish eyes met his slowly brightened ones. “Are you telling me it was not he who sent the second letter? That Uncle Bilbo never rejected me to…”

Gandalf smiled ever so slightly. All of a sudden Frodo felt like screaming and jumping around. His heart was about to burst.

“He never sent me that second letter!”

Gandalf shook his head.

“He still expects me to come to Bag End!”

Gandalf grabbed Frodo’s slim wrists.

“Steady, Frodo.”

Frodo was all bright eyed now, grinning from ear to ear. Though tears still trickling down in tiny drops, happy tears, they were.

“But he isn’t expecting me right now, is he?” Frodo creased his brow, remembering suddenly the time promised to him when Bilbo would come to pick him up. “It will be a week from now, I reckon.”

There were just so many things Gandalf needed to tell the over-excited hobbit but he was just not given the chance. The wizard knew he should prepare Frodo for the surprising part but he could not do anything when the hobbit was in this kind of state.

“But then, if Uncle Bilbo never sent the letter, who did?” Frodo stared blankly at Gandalf before he started searching his pockets. Apparently he could not find the thing he was looking for. “Ah, I must have lost it in Finbar’s lodge,” he mumbled afterwards.

Gandalf ignored Frodo’s last remark. He knew what it was all about. It was not important now, whether or not Frodo found Merry’s letter. As he had many times that day, he gently urged Frodo to sit down. This time he joined Frodo, sitting beside the young hobbit.

“Frodo dear, one thing you need to remember before I tell you this. This all happened because, whether you believed it or not, everyone loves you. Everyone wants to be with you. So you have to remember that you must always be grateful.”

The wizard had sat still with both arms resting on his knees and eyes gazing straight ahead. Not once did he touch Frodo or look upon him. Frodo was still too young. Gandalf could not expect he would act wisely when he learned all about this matter. This realization made the wizard unable to try any contact with Frodo, afraid he would not be able to stand the hurt Frodo might express.

TBC