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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Hobbits  by GamgeeFest 19 Review(s)
Pearl TookReviewed Chapter: 9 on 2/18/2007
This is wonderful, GamgeeFest!! I love your using all the old names for the various clubs. Wonderfully funny!!

Author Reply: Thank you Pearl! I'm glad this gave you a laugh. Figuring out the proper order for the clubs and then which one should be used in each instance was probably one of the harder things about this chapter. I was finally able to find a chart that showed their order and the average distances off each club, and was able to use that.

LarnerReviewed Chapter: 9 on 2/1/2007
I've played ONE golf game in my life, and hated every minute of it. And the thought of Boromir and Legolas hiding in a storage room to escape the golf talk is so hilarious! Oh, how wonderful!

Author Reply: I've played mini golf a couple of times, and that's about as involved with the sport as I want to get! Though I imagine watching it would be a good way to induce a midafternoon nap. ;)

Boromir and Legolas have the rights of it - every man and elf for himself! LOL Considering how passionate the hobbits are about even average topics of discussion, they are bound to be ten times worse when it comes to something they're so obsessed with. I feel most sorry for Sam, though I suppose after a lifetime of this, he's become immune to its effects. :D

BodkinReviewed Chapter: 9 on 2/1/2007
Let me hide in the cupboard with Boromir and Legolas! There's nothing scarier than a bunch of golf-obsessed hobbits!

I loved the discussion about whether Legolas was or was not an immovable obstruction! Hilarious. (But scary.)

Sam is such a brilliant hobbit. A diamond of the first water. Boromir - and Legolas - should be grateful to him!

Author Reply: LOL! I don't think there's enough room! It'll be awfully cramped if anyone else joins them. ;) But yes, golf-obsessed hobbits are quite possibly the scariest things on Middle-earth. You know, after Sauron and the Ring-wraiths. :D

Legolas is rather miffed that everyone is so enjoying his unlooked for torment. ;) But at least he was a good sport about it and didn't just throw the ball away. But then, he probably knew that would be the last thing in life he ever did!

Boromir is going to owe Sam big for this one. His debt may likely never be repaid. :D

DaynawaynaReviewed Chapter: 9 on 1/30/2007
ROFLOL!! Now that was funny! Golf indeed! Poor Merry... poor Legolas! How COULD he catch that ball? ::giggles:: Now the question begs to be answered: Does Merry truly feel that he beat Frodo fair and square, or is this a "win*" with an asterisk(referring to the homerun title of the player who's name eludes me who had the title in a shortened season)? :D

Somehow hobbits and golf just make sense. :D I told my husband he HAS to read this... I'll let you know what he thought, golfer that he is. :)

Author Reply: Thank you! This was a lot of fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. :D I'm with Sam on this one - best to leave the golfers to themselves. LOL

Legolas has quick reflexes and heightened Elven senses. He would have seen the ball much sooner than a person and so have more time to prepare to catch it - to Merry's dismay. ;) But it turned out good for Merry in the end. I would say that Merry's win was legit. They were able to determine that Legolas was an immovable obstruction (and really, Merry would not have been able to move Legolas whether they considered him like a tree or not) and treated him as such. ;) Merry won't be have doubts as to his victory. I wouldn't be surprised if Frodo asks for a rematch though. ;)

I hope your husband enjoys the story! :D

ElemmírëReviewed Chapter: 9 on 1/30/2007
ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was TERRIFIC!!! And I'm sooo not a golf fan! In fact, just the other day I was shaking my head at the news. Somebody an an ATV drove it in circle on some local golf course ruining parts of the turf. It was stated that it would cost at least $4,000 to repair it and I was thinking, 'Hello people! It's just GRASS!

It struck me too because in my fic for Marigold's Tale Challenge 34, I gave the hobbits miniature golf. It's good to see both you and Lbilover give them the real thing. (I also found this fic to be especially humorus after watching 'Happy Gilmore' for the first time in its entirety the other night.)

You did excellent research, although I found the hobbits' golf terms to be confusing (well, I sort of understood them in your beginning) ... but then again, I also find the RL golf terms to be as well. LOL! I know how mini-golf is scored, but in this tale, I finally learned exactly how a round of 18-hole (or real golf as I'm told it's called) is scored. Thank you for that; I feel less stupid about the game.

And using Sam as a caddy just totally cracked me up. You now have me wondering if he makes some extra money on the side as a turf consultant/maintainer for any of the Shire links. Sam then walked up to the green and lay down on the grass to study the severity of the break in the grain. When he returned to Frodo he said, “I think a push is just thing. The break does run right to left, so a push shot will put you in the better position to make your putt. Or you could try to sink it.”

And Merry and Pippin arguing whether Legolas is a moveable or immovable obstruction. ... And that he's abnormal. *smirk*

Very, very, very smart of Boromir not to get himself involved this time. And poor, poor Legolas. I wonder if Bilbo made the Rivendell Elves crazed by a passion for golf? (then again, they did create a course for him to enjoy during his "retirement."

~Elemmírë~

p.s. I recently found out that there is a degree that one can achieve in college called Grass Turf Science (or something very similiar sounding). At any rate, it's all about the art of maintaining the turf of a sport's field like golf and here's the kicker .... it's like a 6-figure paying job! Sheesh, I went to school for the wrong thing!

Author Reply: Actually, all the golf terms used here are RL terms. They are quite odd, to say the least. How they come up with some of these terms is just beyond me. Games today are scored by stroke play - that is, total strokes accumulated throughout the game, regardless of who 'wins' which hole. I think I like match play better. :D

Poor Sam has been dragged to the links more times than he cares to recall, but then, he could hardly allow Frodo to be caddied by some clubhouse caddy who doesn't care a stitch if Frodo performs well or not. Poor Legolas must have felt like such an object to the hobbits. :P

Boromir has learned enough by now to know when to leave the hobbits along. And let's face it, if a *hobbit* tells *you* that certain hobbits are crazed about golf, would you be spending time with them? If even a hobbit can admit it, you know it's got to be bad! LOL

I'm glad you enjoyed the story! And I agree - golfers take the sport far too seriously. :)

AltheaReviewed Chapter: 9 on 1/29/2007
Under normal circumstances, I think I'd have to join Boromir and Legolas in that storeroom, not understanding much about golf myself. However, this story was so much fun that I am glad that I was able to tag along during the game courtesy of your imagination. I loved Sam's warnings to Boromir. It seems that they have put their frustrations from the master/mister controversy behind them. Poor Boromir and Legolas will be in for a surprise when they find out who will be part of the fellowship.

Author Reply: The game was a lot of fun to write and figure out how it would progress. I'm glad you enjoyed it as well. :D

Boromir owes Sam a debt of gratitude for getting him out of this one! If Boromir was still in any way irate about the mister/master mash - I doubt very much that he was - he will be more than happy to bury the hatchets and name Sam master of ME. LOL They will be surprised, but not nearly as distraught as some would think to discover that Merry and Pippin will be allowed to go. :D

Bramble TookReviewed Chapter: 9 on 1/29/2007
Very funny story and I was so glad to see Merry fulfil his dream of beating Frodo. Their obsession and the hobbits' familiarity with all of the golfing jargon really made the story.

I did notice an error here: It must have been the biggest upset in Shire history when Mr. Bilbo showed up and swooped the championship right out from under Mr. Longo, his own brother.

Longo was Bilbo's uncle and Otho's father, not Bilbo's brother.

Author Reply: Thank you, BT! It was fun learning all that golfing jargon. There sure are some unusual words they use! Still, I think I'd rather write about golf than watch it, or play it for that matter. :D

I just had to let Merry win this match. I doubt there would be much opportunity for them to play once they returned home, at least not before Frodo left. They don't know it, but this really was their last chance to play each other.

Thanks for catching that error! I knew that looked wrong for some reason. You think I'd at least remember that Bilbo was an only child. :P I have now fixed it.

Thanks for reading!

Indigo BuntingReviewed Chapter: 9 on 1/29/2007
Ha ha ha! Oh, this was wonderful. I actually laughed aloud, and that's saying something. I think that this part is where I finally started to lose it:

"Did you see that?! A double eagle! A double eagle!" Pippin exclaimed.

Despite himself, Legolas looked up into the sky.


What wonderful comic timing you have! And you seem to write hobbits very well; they've got that earthy, practical element in their speech, and their lack of concern that the other races find them odd is charming. There are so many funny bits to this story that I don't know if I can mention them all. Sam's description of hobbit golf-mania was fun, and Legolas' confusion regarding 'fore' was priceless. Also loved the moment where Boromir and Legolas pretended to see Elrond. Heh. I'm definitely going to have to go back and read the rest of these vignettes. :) Thanks for a great read!

Author Reply: Hello Indigo! I was so surprised and honored to see a review by you! I'm so happy this was able to make you laugh. It might be horrible to admit this about one's own work, but I was giggling quite madly while I was writing this also.

My hobbits are proud to be hobbits and would never think to be embarrassed by that fact. Actually, they often wonder as to the oddness of everyone else around them. I'm sure they were thinking how very strange it was that Boromir would actually honor a prior commitment rather than join them for a round, and Merry was absolutely flabbergasted that Legolas could not understand such a simple word as 'fore'. *g*

Poor Sam. To have to endure being around those so hopelessly besotted by this seemingly innocent game must be a real trial for someone as practical as Sam. At least he was able to save Boromir from having to live through the experience. Legolas was not so lucky, but he was able to figure out on his own not to ask too many questions - not that it helped him. ;)

Thanks again for reading! I hope you enjoy the other chapters as well.

lovethosehobbitsReviewed Chapter: 9 on 1/29/2007
Oh this was spot on! Golf, to me, is for a whole different breed of human being. I've done it, used to play all the time. The only thing I found benefitial about it was that it was a great way to vent stress as I pounded that stupid little ball into the ground. I sent the link to my sister, who has no opinion good or bad about LOTR and knows nothing about our little obsessed writing etc, because she has an obsessed (for golf) husband and hates that he will drop EVERYTHING to play....weddings, funerals, dinners etc. She hates golf. ;D

Author Reply: Thank you so much! I've been fortunate enough to never know anyone who was a golf fanatic, but I've heard enough stories to know how bad it can be. Golfers really are in a class by themselves. ;) I hope your sister can get a good chuckle out of this. :D

Grey WondererReviewed Chapter: 9 on 1/28/2007
(“Merry and Pippin will not be going, I hear,” Boromir informed.

“That is hopeful,” Legolas responded. )

I nearly choked on this bit! LOL So glad Sam was able to save Boromir from the golfing hobbits. Very, very, very funny all around.

Author Reply: I'd like to be a fly on the wall when Legolas and Boromir learn that Merry and Pippin will be going along for the ride. They probably hid those golf clubs so the hobbits wouldn't be tempted to take them along. LOL

Boromir is greatly indebted to Sam. If Boromir had lived to a hundred, he could not have repaid Sam for this favor. :D

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