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| During a journey in the dark... by Thundera Tiger | 72 Review(s) |
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| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 10/10/2007 |
| p.s. Was definitely worth putting on my reading list. Do write some more, that I might put *that* on my reading list as well, will you? | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 10/10/2007 |
| So glad to get back to this at last! I actually read the whole thing without interruption--believe me, a rarity around here. I love your characterisations, especially of Boromir, the quirk of humour, his wisdom and understanding. It is clear to see that he is an effective leader among Men. The personification of the darkness added a realistic, creepy feeling. The exchange of sayings was nicely done, and very plausible, for I cannot believe that they traversed Moria with only the words recorded in FOTR. The light talk of the hobbits was well done (I know you approach hobbits with caution, much as I approach elves and dwarves, I imagine, but well done for all that). You wove in JRRT's dialogue seamlessly indeed. And now my belated lunch break is over, and I must get back to the demands of the day. (Youngest, sick with sore throat and fever, is listening to an audiobook at the moment, freeing me to get some things done. Rats. Would rather just sit and read fanfic. *g*) | |
| Dreamflower | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 10/5/2007 |
| What a delight to come home to this!! I love the opening in Pippin's POV! You've captured quite effectively his youth, his fear, and his deliberate quenching of his Tookish curiousity, as he desperately tries *not* to know what's going on with the Big Folk. And in spite of it all, he still manages to dredge up the remains of his unquenchable cheerfulness to ask the very important question about "herding cats"! I loved it! That the more innocent sayings of hobbits were followed by the grimmer ones of Men and Elves made this even more poignant--and especially bittersweet as one sees the saying Boromir remembers. How sad that the first thing to spring to his mind was political paranoia, and yet how fitting as well... I loved the segue into Boromir's POV--and though I've read many accounts of Pippin's leap in the dark, and written a drabble about it myself, yours, I have to say is one of the most *LOGICAL* I've seen! Though it never occurred to me, once you brought it up, I'm thinking "Of *course* they'd make sure the hobbits could do it before they actually tried!" And Boromir was perfect with Pippin--all Pippin needed was to be reminded of his love for Frodo! This is why, I think, Pippin and Merry loved him so much--he took the time to understand them. Sam's POV was a good one to finish with--his premature optimism about thinking they were nearing the end of the journey reminded me of his remarks before Caradhras. I also loved the conversation about feather-beds and S.-B.s--a very hobbity conversation indeed. I really liked, as well, the way you expanded upon the well incident, which was so lightly touched on in canon! I'm really looking forward to more! | |
| ziggy | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 10/3/2007 |
| This has given me a wonderful excuse to go back AGAIN and read the Ring goes south and then the earlier part of this- its good for continuity! Not that i had ANY trouble remembering this story so far of course. I love the opening- misery loves company and the reference to the Sackville Bagginses- it reminds us of normality and therfore the contrast in this grim and tense atmosphere is all the more striking. And it really is tense, and fear seems to blanket everything - or perhaps amplify it is a better word- becasue the pebble is dropped in this chapeter and your take on it reminded me of the first time I read LOTR and just how absolutley breath-taking in the real sense that scene in Moria is. Just in that second paragraph, you use 'pitted wall' 'brooding silence' 'hushed debate' ' growing sense of dread' 'something darker'... and that perspective from Pippin's pov is really effective. The hobbits rely on the others as they are warriors and the fact that its Pippin who realsies they are all scared is important becasue then you REALLY have to be afraid.Later on ' the shadows seemed to have a life of their own' is a super reference to the Ring as well as the actual darkness.And the sense of SOme Thing in hte darkness ... waiting... and then the tapping...gets me every time. I am glad you put in that Legolas hears Gollum- it always got in the way reading LOTR that an elf with super hearnig seems to be unaware of Gollum but Aragorn, even though he is a SUper-Ranger type!, knows. These alternative perspective stories are so imprtnat for giving a bit more depth to the Great Work! Its the small details that had me holding my breath with Pip[pin - Merry tapping his foot out of habit, Sam's pans clanking, Pippin trying NOT to hear their conversation- very wise for a Took. I have a sneaky suspicion that Beruthiel gets a bad press from a patriarchal Gondor - again, the details are what makes this so convincing- becasue that is what happens- you engage in small talk, whatever the circumstances- its the way we are wired I think- it gives you short respite from the overwhelming sense of doom!!! There is really so much in this that was terrific writing that I would have to write pages to note all of them- but it is just so good that you are writing again... I read With Many Fond Acknowledgments to my husband and he chuckled away. I am sure other readers read your stuff over and over again too. It gets better and better.....should I read Land of L&S again soon???? I know, we nag and nag. I am quite happy with whatever you are writing- its always such a treat. Author Reply: Holy cow, the review is almost as long as the chapter! Wow! I'm beyond thrilled! Thank you very much! I'm so glad that Pippin's POV worked for you. I struggle anytime I try to write hobbits, and I was struggling to make the atmosphere creepy and dark, so this chapter proved to be a challenge on several levels. Thank you for your feedback on all those things that had me pulling my hair out in frustration. It's very gratifying to know that something, at least, paid off! :) As for Legolas hearing Gollum...that always bothered me, too. So the easy out for me was to go with the assumption that LotR really IS written from a hobbit's perspective, and then I made the assumption that they were the only ones in the dark (ha ha) about Gollum until after Lorien. Well, with the exception of Frodo, but he's a law unto himself. Anyway, I figured that if Haldir could spot Gollum on their first night in Lothlorien, then the more experienced members of the Fellowship would certainly pick up on him back in Moria where they're already jumping at shadows. As for dusting LLS out...I'd wait a bit on that. My current plan is to finish off some other projects and then charge back into the fray. So it will be a while. I haven't abandoned it! But I want my full attention to be on that story when I pick it up again in earnest. But I thank you for your interest, and once again, HUGE thanks for such a big, comprehensive review! | |
| Naledi | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 10/1/2007 |
| I'm so glad to see an update on this! This is one of the parts in the book that really gets my heart racing and the feelings of dread and tension are really coming out in your version too. The Tolkien dialogue blends in seamlessly with your own words. I liked the explanation about Queen Beruthiel. I always used to wonder who she was . Author Reply: Thank you so much for the review, and thank you very much for the comments on the tone. One of my goals for this story was to get it as dark and scary as I could. Or at least tense. But sometimes less is more, which means that Tolkien's brevity in these sections has me at a disadvantage. Still, I'm glad to hear that it's working out for you. Glad you liked the insert about Queen Beruthiel, too. Couldn't quite resist during that part... | |
| erunyauve | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 9/30/2007 |
| I'm not sure why I never discovered this story before, as I truly enjoyed 'While the Ring Went South'. It's my favourite part of the book, and deserves some expanding and detailing as you've done. Author Reply: I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far, and I'll try to keep detailing and expanding! | |
| Elentarri | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 9/30/2007 |
| Hello! Nice to see an update again :-) Well written and Tolkien's bits are well integrated. Flawless. :-) Author Reply: Thank you very much, especially the part about Tolkien's bits being well integrated. That's one of the hardest parts about writing this, so it's good to get feedback on it! | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 9/29/2007 |
| Oh, hurrah, an update! I've no time to read, but am making a note to myself, putting this at the top of my reading list. (So the others get pushed down for a bit... ah, well, what's reading time for, if not to enjoy oneself?) Just wanted to leave a cheering note. Author Reply: I thank you very much for the cheering note, Lindelea! I just hope that if/when you do get a chance to read it, it was worth putting on your reading list. | |
| docmon | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 9/28/2007 |
| Yay! Love seeing this next chapter up! Since we've talked about this enough, I thought I'd note some of my favorite lines: Moria was not as tiring or as brutal as Caradhras had been, but there was something darker to the mines. Something that made the mountain’s blizzard seem almost…friendly. I’m even beginning to remember the Old Forest as a cheery copse of trees. If it had been driven out of the mines, then there was something stronger and deadlier within. “Before men are soldiers, they are boys.” “He will probably resist sleep for the greater part of the night, and I have no desire to give him further excuse to do so.” Great job! docmon Author Reply: Hello, Docmon! Just sent you an email complete with an attachement! :) And if this chapter really is a "great job," it's your own fault. ;) | |
| Kat | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 5/4/2007 |
| I love your story. I've been stuck in the HP fandom but I'm starting to return to my first love which was LOTR. I recently reread "While the ring went south" and was delighted to see that you had started a sequel (although it has been awhile since you started it). You have such a way of words, and I look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work :) | |