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Trust a Brandybuck and a Took!  by Grey Wonderer

This one was written for a Challenge on hobbit_ficathon  .  The challenge was to write something about Bilbo's famous 111th.

birthday party.  I used the movie version rather than the book so if you prefer strictly book version stories then this one is not for you.  This is Merry and Pippin and Gandalf based on the movie.  Thanks for reading!

G.W.     11/08/04

Hot Water 

The portions in bold type are Gandalf's thoughts.

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"You always manage to get us into trouble, you know that don’t you?" Merry asks as he sits down another pile of dirty dishes in front of Pippin.

They do not realize that I am watching them and can hear what is being said. They are too involved in their argument to notice me. I have settled myself near the side of the washing area and have just lit my pipe. It will not be too long before Bilbo will be making his birthday speech. Hobbits do love their customs and a speech given by the guest of honor is expected. They won’t want it to be a long speech, but they will expect a speech of some sort. Hobbits!

"I always get us into trouble?" Pippin is insulted at this suggestion. "You were the one that came up with the idea in the first place, Merry. I wanted to go by the cook tents and see if we could nick a couple of pies, remember?"  He is up to his elbows in dish washing soap. The only clean part of either of them is their lower arms and hands. Both of them are liberally coated in black soot and ash from the stolen fireworks.

"I always come up with the ideas because you have dreadful ideas," Merry hisses as he begins to dry the stack of clean plates in front of him. "If I waited about for you to have a good idea, I’d be an old gaffer before you ever managed one." He pops his dish cloth at his cousin and it snaps only inches from Peregrin’s sharp nose.

"I have plenty of ideas. You are just too pig-headed to listen to any of them," Pippin says, and he flips a bit of dish water at Meriadoc. "You wouldn’t know a good idea if it bit you on the arse."

"Taking that firework was a grand idea, but some of us have no clue how to set off fireworks and so naturally, we were caught," Merry says, and then leans close to his cousin and continues, "I told you to stick it in the ground."

"It was in the ground," Pippin says, pulling back slightly from Merry’s fierce glare.

"Outside," Merry says. "It was supposed to be in the ground outside of the tent you ninny-hammer. Who in their right mind would think that fireworks should be let off inside of a tent?"

I chuckle softly to myself at this and they still do not notice me. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone but these two rascals amuse me greatly. They are quite a pair really; Meriadoc Brandybuck, the older cousin, the planner, the giver of orders, and Peregrin Took, the younger cousin and loyal follower. They are constantly involved in some sort of plot and most of the time they wind up as they are now, in trouble, but unrepentant.

Pippin squirms a bit behind the table and begins to wash a plate with far too much vigor. "I have never lit any fireworks before. I was a wee bit nervous is all. If you hadn’t been so busy giving orders and yelling then I might have done it right."

Merry snorts and stacks another dish. "I would have loved to see you get it right. That would have been a pleasant surprise indeed." He shakes his head and reaches for another dish to dry.

Pippin swallows and sighs heavily, but doesn’t say anything.

 I believe he intends to pout a bit. This one is experienced in that particular art. I have seen him do this sort of thing many times with excellent results. I think it is largely due to the eyes. He has a way of looking up from underneath his rather long lashes at his victim that seems to turn the tide nearly every time. I puff quietly on my pipe which Bilbo has most generously filled with Old Toby earlier in the evening as I wait for Meriadoc to succumb.

Merry frowns a bit and begins to look guilty. He glances over at Pippin and catches sight of his younger cousin peering at him. "Well, alright, then," Merry concedes. "Maybe some of it might be my fault. I should have known that you wouldn’t know anything about fireworks."

Pippin bites his lower lip but says nothing in response. He continues to work on the next dish and stares into the hot, soapy water mournfully.

"Maybe we shouldn’t have taken the big one," Merry continues. "Maybe it would have been better if we had started with one of the smaller ones." He looks over at Pippin and waits but still receives no response. He frowns and stalks over to get more dirty plates.

Meriadoc walks right past me, gives me a slightly embarrassed glance and then continues back to Peregrin. I smile as he walks away. Meriadoc is the one in a position of authority, and yet Peregrin seems to be taking control simply by looking offended. Hobbits are more complex than others give them credit for being. Their friendships are like none other in all of Middle Earth. These two before me are cousins and have known each other all of young Peregrin’s life. They are devoted to one another. If anyone else spoke so harshly to Peregrin, they would feel the sting of Meriadoc’s anger. He is very protective of his younger cousin. They often talk to one another as if they are mortal enemies, but there is always a current of affection running below the surface of such exchanges.

"I suspect that we shall miss most of the party now," Merry says as he sets the dirty plates next to Pippin’s elbow and then returns to the other side of the table to work at drying more dishes. "I think Gandalf was pretty angry this time." He rubs his ear. "He nearly pulled my ear off of the side of my head."

"That’s because you have ears like pitcher-handles," Pippin observes. "It makes it easy for him to get an excellent grip." His elbow just misses colliding the stack of dirty plates that Merry has delivered to him as he sets another clean one on the top of Merry’s pile.

Merry frowns and rubs his ear again. "I do not!"

Pippin gives him a sympathetic look and shrugs. "All the same, Merry, they are quite large. Also, I don't think they match."

Merry’s eyes widen. "What do you mean they don’t match?" He leans toward Pippin and they are face to face over the tub of water. Steam rises around them and they are nose to nose.

Pippin smiles and breaks eye contact first. "I think ones higher up than the other."

"Higher up?" Merry asks, reaching both hands up and trying to check this by rubbing his ears. "How can one ear be higher than the other?"

"I don’t know how, Merry, I just know that one is higher," Pippin says and he leans toward Merry. "I‘ve not seen anything like it on another hobbit in the Shire. Maybe you were dropped on your noggin’ as a wee babe."

I grin and turn away lest they catch me observing them. I must not laugh because hobbits do have excellent hearing, even hobbits with uneven ears. I have often thought that young Peregrin has learned far too much from his older cousins. The lad seems to be able to land on his feet in most situations and I believe that is due to years of following Meriadoc and Frodo about. He may not always seem to be doing so, but the lad does pay heed to what goes on about him. He is a fine eavesdropper. It is a skill that most young hobbits possess. Peregrin is a master of this talent.

Merry glares at Pippin with his light grey eyes which are currently surrounded by dirt and says, "Maybe I should drop you on your noggin’ now."

"You asked," Pippin objects.

"I asked what?"

"You asked me how one ear could be higher than the other and that’s the only thing that I can think of, Merry," Pippin says. "I wouldn’t worry about it, though. Most of us are used to it by now. I hardly notice it a’tall unless you bring it up."

"My ears are just fine," Merry snaps, in a rather threatening tone. "At least I don’t have a nose like a weasel."

Now, it is Pippin’s turn to look alarmed. His mouth falls open as if he might speak and then it closes again. He takes one soapy hand and rubs at the point of his nose  leaving a clean spot and says, "I don’t have a nose like a weasel. It’s just a wee bit pointed is all."

"It’s so sharp on the end that you could use it as a writing quill. I could dip the tip of it in ink and write my name," Merry says, and then grins. "Of course, you can’t help it. Your whole family’s a bit homely."

Pippin is outraged by this. Hobbits will come to the defense of their families with alarming speed. Hobbits have a very fierce sense of family pride. The Tooks are among the most prideful when it comes to their family history. Meriadoc’s family, the Brandybucks, are second to the Tooks only slightly in this regard.

"My family is far better looking than any of you Brandybucks. Why my ugliest relation is a beauty when standing next to one of your family." Pippin leans forward and glares at Merry.

"Easy, Pip," Merry says. "Watch the nose. You almost put my eye out."

"Merry?’ Pippin says, looking over toward the rest of the party guests who are eating and drinking and laughing while they wait for their host to come forward and make his birthday speech. "Do you suppose that there will be any food left for us when Gandalf is through punishing us?"

It is a complete change of subject but Meriadoc is used to this sort of thing from Peregrin and he is not surprised by it. He scowls in my direction and then looks back at his partner in crime.

"He’ll have to let us have a bit to eat soon. No one is that cruel," Merry whispers.

Pippin looks hopeful. "I wanted some cake and maybe some of the ham and a few roasted potatoes and a bit of pie and-"

"You’re making me hungry," Merry groans and starts over to get more plates.

Behind him, Pippin continues his list of food and I give Merry a rather stern glance as he passes me just to remind him that I am still supervising their punishment. With his usual cheek, he sighs and then shrugs and gives me his best, ‘I had to try, didn’t I?’ look. Just then, Bilbo steps up to the front of the assembly and climbs up onto a barrel so that the guests in the back may get a proper view of their host. Meriadoc and Peregrin both turn their attention toward Bilbo, dishes forgotten and I allow it. I am worried about this little speech. I am afraid that Bilbo is about to get up to some mischief of his own. His actions will make Meriadoc and Peregrin’s antics with the fireworks look innocent. I glance about and try to catch sight of young Frodo. Frodo suspects something, but I am quite sure that he isn’t prepared for what Bilbo is planning.

Bilbo smiles at his guests and raises his hands. And so it begins...

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The End 





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