"Rumors"

"I don’t reckon that nobody here knows what the old feller’s up to," an older hobbit’s voice said, softly. "No, folks 'round here never know what to make of him or his doin’s."

Frodo listened intently as another hobbit answered the first one. "Well, takin’ in that young Bucklander is the sort of thing that you might expect old Mad Baggins to do. Old Bilbo’d be more than at home among that lot. You know those Bucklanders spend lots of time on the river."

"That’s the sort of craziness that goes on in Buckland or so I’ve heard," the first voice agreed. "Don’t know myself as I never been there. Don’t plan to go neither."

Frodo frowned as both of the old hobbits laughed at this. He had never been the sort to listen to private conversations but he hadn’t been able to help over-hearing the first part of this one. Now, he found himself standing here, hidden behind a large stack grain sacks in the dry goods shop and eavesdropping like a nosey old gammer.

"I hear that old Mad Baggins is taking in that young Bucklander to do all of his chores," a third voice called from a short distance behind Frodo. Frodo turned around, guiltily and found himself looking straight at his cousin, Bilbo. Frodo’s eyes widened in disbelief as Bilbo, who was disguising his voice quite well, continued to call out. "That poor lad don’t know what’s comin’ and that’s for sure."

One of the other hobbits from across the grain sacks answered. "Well, that explains it then! But I had thought that old Gaffer Gamgee and his lot did all o’ Mad Baggin’s work."

"Aye, they do. Indeed they do," Bilbo said, winking at Frodo. "I hear though, that Baggins has a particular job in mind for that Buckland lad. Course, that’d be just a rumor."

Frodo listened as the hobbits on the other side of the grain sacks murmured among themselves for a few minutes. Bilbo was standing there grinning like he’d just won first prize at the fair for the best calf brought to market while the murmuring continued.

"Well?" one of the voices finally called out. "What is this rumor, then?"

Frodo watched as Bilbo mouthed ‘now we’ve got them.’ and then called out to the others. "I hear tell he plans to have that lad dig up some of his treasure. I hear that he’s runnin’ a might low on coin these days."

Frodo covered his mouth with both hands to keep from laughing out loud as one of the speakers across the way answered Bilbo. "Well, don’t that beat all? I always knowed that old coot had buried treasure in that hill of his! Didn’t I always say so, Albee?"

"I 'spect you and half of Hobbiton said so," Albee grunted and chuckled.

"Well, I did say so, right enough," the other voice answered. "I said so a’fore most o’ that other lot did."

Bilbo smiled and called out, "Don’t fret none. I heard that you were on to the old nutter long a’fore most folks around here were."

Frodo shook his head and smirked.

"See, Albee! You’re always figurin’ I don’t know half o’ what I’m talkin’ about, but other folks know the truth of it," the vindicated hobbit crowed.

"Oh, hush up, Judd and don’t take on so," Albee said. "I meant you no harm."

"Sometimes is them that means you no harm that’ll do the most damage," Bilbo said, knowingly with a wink at Frodo.

"That’s for sure, Mister," Judd answered loudly. "I don’t know why I even put up with you, Albee. You don’t have no respect for me or my opinions."

"Now, you wait just a darn minute there, Judd!" Albee said, angrily. "I ain’t done nary a thing to you but listen to you spout off all day long. I’m gettin a might tired o’ your company."

"Well, I’m more than a might tired o’ yours, Albee Banks!" Judd said, and from across the way there came the sound of a chair being scooted across the floor and someone stomping off. A door slammed.

"I say good riddance to him," Judd yelled for all of those present in the shop to hear. "The old fool don’t know his hat from a hay wagon and he never has!"

Bilbo and Frodo were leaning against one another trying hard to stifle their laughter. Finally, Bilbo spoke again in his disguised voice, "Well, I hear tell that old looney Albee there, keeps home-made apple brandy in his root cellar and that most o’ the time the poor fool is half in the cups. That’s what’s wrong with him."

"You mean to say that old Albee is a drunkard?" Judd said, wonderingly.

"I heard as much in market the other day, but don’t know if it’s true," Bilbo said as Frodo groaned, softly.

"Well, don’t that beat all," Judd said, and then there was the sound of him getting out of his chair to go.

Bilbo took Frodo’s arm and led him around the stacks of grain and to the door of the shop. He reached behind himself, pulled the door open a bit, and then shut it, making it sound as if he and Frodo had just entered the shop. Frodo followed him as they walked over toward Judd Bracegirdle who was getting ready to leave.

"Well, afternoon, Judd," Bilbo said, in his own voice, smiling at the other hobbit.

"What? Oh, afternoon Bilbo," Judd said, politely, returning Bilbo’s smile. "Who’s your young friend there?"

"Oh, why this is my young cousin, Frodo Baggins," Bilbo said, patting Frodo on the shoulder. "Frodo and I are just in to get a few things."

"Hullo," Frodo managed.

"Well, you must be Drogo’s son," Judd said. "I hear tell your to be moving in with our Bilbo here."

"Yes, sir," Frodo said, wondering, and not for the first time today, how anyone could be so two-faced as this old hobbit before him.  Our Bilbo indeed!  A minute ago this old hobbit was talking about Bilbo as if he were a complete idiot and now he was 'our Bilbo'?

"Yes, he’s agreed to come live with me," Bilbo said, smiling broadly. "He and I are just here to get several things before I take him to Bag End and get him settled. I finally have managed to get the lad away from his Brandybuck cousins and here to Hobbiton. Better influences here for a lad, don’t you know." Bilbo said this last in a low tone, as if he and Judd were conspiring. While Judd nodded, he looked over at Frodo and spoke a bit too loudly. "Come on then, Frodo my lad. You will have to excuse us, Judd, but Frodo and I need to purchase some shovels and maybe a pick axe."

As Judd stood there with his mouth hanging open, Bilbo led Frodo toward the front of the store. As they got some distance away, Frodo heard the sound of running feet and then the slam of the door and Bilbo laughed. "That ought to give the old Gaffers something to talk about for weeks on end down at The Ivy Bush!"

"Doesn’t it bother you at all, Uncle?" Frodo asked, concerned.

"No, Frodo lad," Bilbo chuckled. "I rather enjoy seeing what all I can get them to repeat. It’s more fun than sitting about playing Draughts. There’s more sport to it."

Frodo grinned and shook his head in amusement. "If you say so, Uncle."

Living with Bilbo Baggins was going to be an adventure and Frodo was looking forward to every minute of it!

The End