This one was written for the Hobbit-Ficathon challenge to write a story about hobbits going to an Inn or a Pub.

Frodo is 26 and the Gaffer and Bilbo are old enough to know better.

"A Toast!"

"No, not at all, Gaffer," Bilbo was saying as Frodo neared their corner table. "I’ve had way more than this in my time. You should try drinking with dwarves. They can really do justice to a keg of ale." Bilbo was leaning over his half empty mug of ale and smiling crookedly at Hamfast Gamgee whom most simply referred to as the Gaffer.

"I don’t know as I’d want to drink with ‘em," the Gaffer replied, speech slightly slurred. "If they drink as much as you say, there’d be not left for me." He and Bilbo burst into laughter at this and then both took a drink.

Frodo shook his head and frowned. This did not look good at all. He would have his hands full trying to get Bilbo back to Bag End. He also wondered if he should try to get the Gaffer home. The two were great friends in spite of the fact that Hamfast Gamgee worked for Bilbo as his gardener. It didn’t happen often, but when the two of them got together for a pint, they sometimes over-indulged.

"That’s the double with twarves," Bilbo admitted, grinning.

The Gaffer leaned an ear toward Bilbo and frowned. "That’s the what with who?"

"The dribble with twarfs," Bilbo said, louder. "They can be stingy too."

"Who can?" the Gaffer asked, still trying to sort things out.

"Dwarves, Gaffer," Bilbo said.

"Where?" Hamfast asked, standing and looking about the Green Dragon with interest.

Bilbo took hold of the Gaffer’s sleeve and pulled him back into his seat. ‘Not so loud," Bilbo suggested, loudly.

Frodo sighed and decided to make his presence known. He walked over and sat down next to Bilbo and smiled. ‘Hullo, Bilbo. Hullo, Gaffer," Frodo said. "Are you two enjoying your evening?"

"Frodo," Bilbo grinned. He then stood and waved at a serving lass. "Bring another round to my table. My nephew is here and he looks like he could use a pint!"

Frodo frowned and pulled Bilbo back into his seat. "I’m not very thirsty, Bilbo. I’ve just come to see when you are planning on coming home," Frodo said.

"Oh, well, I don’t know, my lad," Bilbo said and then looked at the Gaffer. "When are we going home?"

"Are you coming to my smial?" the Gaffer frowned confused.

"No," Bilbo said. Behind him the serving lass approached with three full mugs. She leaned over in front of Bilbo to sit down the drinks and he promptly began to look down the front of her dress and smile stupidly. "My, aren’t you a healthy lass! Frodo, you might consider asking this young lass over to Bag End sometime she has really got quite a -"

"Your drink is here, uncle," Frodo interrupted, quickly with a nervous glance at the serving lass who was now smirking at him.

"Why Mister Baggins, you are the charmer tonight, aren’t you?" she said, with a wink at Frodo who was blushing brightly.

Bilbo stood and then smiled at her. "I am always charming, my dear." He then lifted his new mug of ale and drank deeply, falling back into his seat with a thump.

The lass laughed as she left them and the Gaffer pushed Frodo’s mug over in front of him. "Drink up, lad. We’re way a head a ya!"

"Oh, I'm not thirsty, but I do thank you," Frodo said, pushing the mug back in the Gaffer’s direction.

"Now, Frodo, it isn’t polite to refuse a drink," Bilbo said, in a loud whisper. "You don’t wanna offend the Gaffer do you?"

"Do you?" the Gaffer asked and both Bilbo and the Gaffer leaned forward to look intently at Frodo.

"Well, no of course not," Frodo said, quickly and took the mug back. When they continued to watch him, he took a drink and then smiled. "Thank you."

Bilbo smiled at the Gaffer and said, loudly, "He’s a fine lad! I am very lucky to have him as my hair."

Frodo frowned. "I think you mean heir, uncle."

"I do and I said it!" Bilbo said, slapping his hand on the table top and looking over at the serving lass again. "Another lot of pints, if you please!"

"Don’t go correctin’ your elders, lad," the Gaffer put in. "It’s not proper!" He was also shouting and Frodo could see that others in the Dragon were starting to stare.

"Yes, sir,’ Frodo replied weakly and took another sip of his ale to steady his nerves.

"Did I order more pints?" Bilbo asked as the lass returned with another round of drinks.

"That you did," she said, again leaning in front of him as she sat down the drinks.

"I’ve seen those before," Bilbo said, looking down her bodice again happily. "But it is good to see them again."

Frodo turned up his mug and emptied it to avoid looking at the lass who was laughing a bit wickedly.

"You’ve seen what a’for?" the Gaffer asked.

"This lass has been kind enough to show me her-"

"Uncle, why don’t your drink you ale?" Frodo broke in. "It isn’t polite not to drink your ale."

"The lad’s right," the Gaffer said, pounding a fist on the table and glaring at Bilbo.

"No, no, it isn’t," Bilbo said. "I know better than that." He then drained his mug and smiled.

Frodo rolled his eyes. This was getting out of hand but he had no idea how to stop it. He also had the feeling that the serving lass was not the one to ask for help. She seemed to be encouraging this. Bilbo put both of his hands on the table and pulled himself to his feet. "Another lot of this ale for my friends!" he called out and Frodo heard several folks behind him laugh.

"Bilbo, don’t you think we should be getting back to Bag End now?" Frodo asked, dreading the return of the serving lass.

"Not now, Frodo lad," Bilbo smiled and patted Frodo ‘s arm a bit too hard. "I’ve just ordered another round of pints! Would be rude to leave now."

"Who’s leavin’ now?" the Gaffer asked, looking toward the door.

"I don’t know," Bilbo admitted and leaned over to look at the door also. "I didn’t see ‘em."

"Well, then why’d you bring it up?" the Gaffer asked, a bit annoyed.

"I don’t recall," Bilbo said and they both laughed and pounded on the table.

Frodo rubbed his temples and finished his mug of ale. The serving lass was back with another round and this time Bilbo stood to greet her. "My dear, it is so good to see them again," he said and leaned forward, falling face first into her cleavage.

Frodo groaned and stood to pull Bilbo upright but the lass had already pushed his uncle to his feet again and was now smiling at him. "My, what a greeting, Mister Baggins."

"Yes," Bilbo said, giggling. "It’s a bit dark in there. I didn’t think I’d find my way out."

Frodo sank to his chair and covered his face with both hands as the Gaffer laughed. "You hardly remember how to find your way in!" he shouted and pounded Bilbo on the back nearly knocking him into the lass again.

"Enjoy your drinks, gentleman," she said, and turned to go again.

"Thank you," the Gaffer said, giggling and dropped into his seat.

Bilbo leaned over the table, picked up his mug and raised it. In a very loud voice he announced, "A toast!" He then proceeded to drain his mug while everyone in the Dragon waited for the rest of the toast.

"A toast to what?" the Gaffer asked, still holding his own mug and waiting.

Bilbo frowned and looked into his own mug and said, "I can’t make a toast, Gaffer. I don’t have any ale." His eyes brightened and he called out. "Be a good lass and bring us more ale! I want to make a toast!"

From behind him Frodo heard her reply. "I’d be more than happy to, Mister Baggins."

"She’d be more than happy to what?" the Gaffer asked.

"I don’t know, but if she’s happy, I’m happy," Bilbo said, grinning and then he elbowed Frodo and winked at him. At least he tried to wink, but instead he closed both eyes. "It’s dark in here," he complained.

"Open your eyes, " the Gaffer said, snorting.

"Bilbo, I really do think that we should be going," Frodo said.

Just then the lass returned with more pints and sat them on the table. This time the Gaffer leered at her and said, "Well, I hope your happy!"

She smiled. "I am, Gaffer."

"Good cause if your happy, your happy," he said, smiling back.

"A toast, again," Bilbo said, not bothering to stand. "Here’s to my lad, Frodo! The finest lad in all the sire!"

Frodo sank a bit lower in his chair and drained a mug of ale. "Here’s to me," he mumbled.

"To Frobo Daggins!" the Gaffer said, helpfully.

"Oh, look, my pints gone again," Bilbo complained. "Did I toast my make yet?" He giggled at his mistake and tried again. "Did I make my most yet?"

"Shall I bring more ale?" the lass asked. She had been standing there waiting and Frodo suspected that had been a very good idea. It would save her a trip.

"Good idea!" the Gaffer said, pleased with her offer.

"Yes, and bring back those lovely, large, soft-"

"Here, Bilbo," Frodo said and pushed one of his mugs in Bilbo’s direction. "Have mine while you wait."

"You are a good lad Frodo," Bilbo said, accepting it. "Bring an extra one of these for my Frodo!" he shouted and waved a hand in the direction that the lass had moved off in.

Frodo selected one of his still-full mugs and took a sip as the Gaffer said, "I think that lass is starting to warm up to you." He winked at Frodo who then drained his mug of ale.

"Oh, yes, she is quite fond of me," Bilbo said, mistaking the Gaffer’s remark. "She’s showed me her-"

"She’s showed ‘em ta everyone you old drunk," the Gaffer laughed.

"Not as many times as she’s showed hers to mine!" Bilbo shouted, still smiling.

Frodo watched as the lass sat more drinks down on the table. For some odd reason, the table seemed to be moving and this struck Frodo as funny. He giggled and said, "Look, Bilbo the table is moving."

"It does that after a time," Bilbo said and then looked up at the lass. "You’re starting to warm me up aren’t you?"

She smiled at him and said, "I have been for some time now." She then walked away, laughing.

Bilbo looked at the Gaffer and did the two-eyed wink again and then said, "See, she’s warmed over to me you old fool."

"Well, there’s a surprise," the Gaffer said. "Does she know how old you are?’

"I don’t know but I know how old I are so we don’t have to ask her," Bilbo said.

Frodo smiled at them both and watched as they began to spin in the opposite direction from the table. "Spinning and spinning," he said, as his elbows slid out from under him and his face fell to the table.

Bilbo smiled at the Gaffer and announced, "Too much Brundybunk in the lad. He can’t hold his liquor."

The Gaffer nodded. "Some folks oughtin’ ta drink!" he yelled out and pointed to Frodo who was giggling softly.

"I’ll drink his for him so he can keep up," Bilbo said, taking Frodo’s mug and raising it. "A toast!"

It was the last thing that Frodo heard for quite a while.

~~~The End~~~