Chapter Nineteen- A Leap of Faith

Olihre sat in an overstuffed chair, holding a delicate wine goblet between his callused fingers, feeling very out of place.  A fire roared across from him, softly illuminating the face of one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.  In the atrium she had been intimidating enough, but now, her countenance was nearly paralyzing.  At dinner, when Aragorn had introduced her as the Princess of Dol Amroth, Olihre had been shocked, though he had later chastised himself for not assuming as much.  Immediately, Olihre vowed to himself that he would forget her.  Don’t be a fool, losing your head like your naive sister… 

Unfortunately, it had not been as simple as he had planned.  She sat across from him at dinner and didn’t once make eye contact with him, leaving him free and clear to stare at her in admiration without any uncomfortable exchanges.  After catching several questioning looks from Xanthe, Olihre had renewed his resolve to ignore her, but matters were only made worse when Aragorn had insisted that he join them in the library.

He sat now, listening absentmindedly to the conversations all around him.  Aragorn and the elf were discussing the best field fallowing cycles to follow in Ithilien.  Eowyn and Faramir were planning the last minute details of their wedding ceremony.  Imrahil and Arwen were reminiscing on the splendor of Imladris.  None of these conversations really mattered to Olihre; the only purpose that they served was to allow him respite from the torture he was enduring from Eomer and Lothiriel.

Since the moment they had arrived in the library, arm in arm, they had done nothing but stare into each other’s eyes, as if it were their very life support.  He had to sit there, unacknowledged by either of them, but fully involved in their tender conversations.  To make matters worse, Eowyn had been sending him warning glares since the moment he had sat down.  He wasn’t sure if it was because she somehow knew of his infatuation for Lothiriel, or because she knew of Xanthe’s past with Eomer, and was afraid that he was going to defend his sister.  Either way, Olihre knew without qualms that neither he nor Xanthe were welcome there as far as Eowyn was concerned, though he really wasn’t threatened, merely annoyed. 

Olihre had no delusions-- he knew that the Princess was nothing but an unattainable dream.  Even if Eomer were not in the way, she would never choose nor even be allowed to be with Olihre, and he was well aware of that fact.  He was merely enjoying her presence as long as he could, though it did bother him to see her with Eomer.  While Olihre no longer hated the King with a vengeance, he still did not particularly like him.  Not only had Eomer insisted on pursuing Xanthe after he had expressly forbid it, but he had then had the gall to hurt her.  Olihre had made a point of encouraging a relationship between Gaviwyr and his sister, hoping that she would soon forget the King.  The sooner the better, as it seems the King has already forgotten her.

Olihre broke his steady gaze aimed at Eomer and looked around him.  The dwarf that he had seen at the gates upon their arrival had joined Aragorn and Legolas.  He was loudly berating Legolas for sending him on a ‘goose chase all over the city in search of a confounded book!’

“I tell you Master Elf, it does not exist!  Neither the librarian here at the palace nor the owner of the bookshop in town has ever heard of it!” Gimli was stroking his axe in a rather disconcerting fashion.

Legolas only smiled and shook his head.  “Ah, but it does Gimli, I saw it here decades ago; we have only to find it.”  Turning to Aragorn, the elf grinned, “Should we send the King’s Guard after it?”

It seemed that the elf knew exactly how to rile the dwarf, and at that moment, Gimli looked positively irate.  “Rest assured you infuriating creature, if I could not find the book, no one who dwells herein ever will!  Either it does not exist, or it has taken on a personality of its own and does not want to be found!”    

Aragorn laughed merrily at this.  “Indeed, it may have!  It is after all a bestiary”*

Gimli shook his head in aggravation and turned back to Legolas.  “What do you need with such a book anyway?”

Legolas shrugged his shoulders.  “My father asked that I bring it back with me when I return home.  I suppose he has some use for it, though I know not what.”

“Perhaps he is keeping a tally of all the fell creatures that are at this moment being eliminated from Mirkwood.” Aragorn jested.

Legolas humored the King with a laugh and turned back to the Dwarf.  “Friend Gimli, did you perhaps encounter a Lorien elf and his wife along your ‘goose-chase’?’”

Gimli raised his eyebrows and looked at Legolas as if he were a raving lunatic.  “No Master Elf, I assure you, if I had encountered another of your troublesome kind, I would have certainly mentioned it.  One elf alone is more than I can handle, two would be most unfortunate.”

Legolas seemed to be debating whether or not he should sink to the dwarf’s level of insult, or remaining ‘infuriatingly’ aloof.  He chose the latter.  “Yes, well, if you do happen upon one, please let him know that he is greatly sought after by our guests from Edoras.”

Gimli shook his head, muttering to himself as Legolas turned to Olihre and asked, “What exactly was your family’s relationship with Geylof and Lailei?”

Olihre was happy for the distraction, but hesitated, not being quite sure what to say.  “My uncle Noradol was one of Dethenor’s Master Horse Trainers.  Because of that position, we were able to secure the services of the palace healers.  Geylof was only one of many healers at the time, and we saw several come and go during the first few months, but eventually, if was only Geylof who would come.  Sometimes he would bring Lailei with him.  They became like family to us, we saw them almost daily.”

Gimli rested his axe against the fire place and perched on the rock mantle in front of it.  “The first few months of what?” he asked.

Olihre was thankful that Xanthe was not present; she hated speaking of her sickness.  To her it was still an open wound that she refused to let heal.  “My sister’s illness,” he said bluntly.

“Ah,” Gimli replied, “and how many months did this continue?”

Olihre bit his lip and replied, “Four years worth; the better part of her childhood.”

Aragorn furrowed his brow, “Well, she looks no worse for wear, and she certainly is spirited.”  Turning to Eomer and throwing him the most devilish of looks, Aragorn asked, “And where is your Healer now, King Eomer?”

Eomer had been enjoying his conversation with Lothiriel, ignoring the goings on of the rest in the group-- that is until he had heard the conversation turn to Xanthe.  Looking at Aragorn, he narrowed his eyes in a most undignified manner.  “I suppose Gaviwyr has escorted her back to her chambers.”

“Really?” Aragorn continued.  “Well, I do wish them the best of luck, for the hallway that they turned down does not lead to the chambers at all.”

Eomer shifted in his seat, flashing a murderous look at Aragorn.  “They are adults, I suppose they can find there way around well enough.”  With that Eomer turned back to Lothiriel, shaking his head in annoyance.  “Children…” he could be heard muttering to her.      

Aragorn merely laughed and looked at Olihre.  “I hope you do not think that we are having a laugh at your sister’s expense, for I assure you, it is Eomer whom I wished to rile, not you.

In fact, Olihre had been rather offended about the King’s suggestions at first, but as soon as he saw the look on Eomer’s face, his anger disappeared.  “Not at all, Your Majesty.  Gaviwyr is a noble man, I am sure my sister is quite safe with him.  Xanthe never has enjoyed public gatherings very much.  No doubt they are strolling somewhere, enjoying the clear night.”

*          *          *

Gaviwyr bumped his knee into yet another protruding stone in the wall.  “Oh for crying…”

“Is there something wrong Captain?” Xanthe shouted back at him, suppressing a giggle.

Gaviwyr had been following Xanthe and the servant for some time now, winding his way around pitch black hallways, leading somewhere into the center of the enormous palace.  Yes something is wrong, you two are content with your torch, but I haven’t any light to guide me!  “Nothing…how much further?”

Xanthe smiled to herself.  The hallways in the servant’s quarters were very narrow, only wide enough for two people abreast to journey.  She and the servant were walking in front, with a torch to guide them, while Gaviwyr hung back.  Xanthe knew that he couldn’t possibly see more than a foot in front of him. 

“Not long,” the servant called back to him.  “Geylof and Lailei requested the corner chambers when they arrived here.  They have a wonderful view of the gardens…ah, here we are.”

The servant stopped outside a wooden door and took out a large ring of keys which he used to open it.  Stepping inside, he waved his torch around, “Just as I suspected, nobody here.”

Xanthe brushed by him and made her way to a lamp sitting on a large mahogany writing table.  Turning it up to its brightest, she glanced around.  “But all of their things are still here, so they will no doubt return.  Perhaps I could leave a note?”

The servant shrugged, “Fine by me, but I had better be getting back to the banquet hall now.  Do you two suppose you can find your way back alone?”

Gaviwyr let out a snort and was about to say something sarcastic when Xanthe interrupted.  “Of course we can, and thank you so much for all of your help.”

“Surely Miss, it was a pleasure.”  With that the man backed out of the room and shut the door.  Xanthe immediately walked over to the writing desk and took out a piece of parchment. 

Dear Ones,

Olihre and I are visiting Minas Tirith with the court of Meduseld.  We would so love to see you both and hope that we shall have the chance before our return to Edoras in three weeks.  If you get this correspondence in a timely manner, please stop by our quarters in the west wing of the palace or ask around and you shall certainly find us!  We miss you so and cannot wait to see you again! 

Love always, Xanthe and Olihre

Post Script~ We hope you do not mind our intrusion into your quarters; we only wanted evidence that you were still here!

Gaviwyr looked on as Xanthe dusted the fresh ink and blew it into a cloud of white powder.  “I’m sorry we didn’t find them here,” he said quietly.

Xanthe looked back at him at smiled.  “I am sure they will show up.  They have always been welcome to come and go from the palace as they please.  Being cooped up in dimly lit stone chambers is not a situation Elves enjoy.”

Gaviwyr nodded.  “Speaking of dimly lit stone chambers, how do you suppose we are going to find our way back to the banquet hall?”

Xanthe only shrugged.  “It can’t be that hard.  We only made a few turns, here and there.”

Gaviwyr raised his eyebrows in obvious pleasure at knowing something that Xanthe didn’t.  “Ah, but you forget, the servant took the torch with him.  We shall have no light to aid us.”

Xanthe had not considered that at all, and she assumed that the servant had overlooked it as well.  She looked around the chambers for a torch but found nothing but the crystal and brass lamp that was currently lit.  “We certainly cannot take their lamp, it is far too valuable, not to mention heavy.  I suppose elves have no need of torches, since they can see in the dark.”

Gaviwyr chuckled.  “I suppose we will have to make due.  Luckily I have had some practice just now, and have developed quite a few techniques to keep from bruising on the hard walls.”

Xanthe laughed.  “If you had walked closer behind us you would have had plenty of light!”

Gaviwyr only nodded knowingly and blew out the lamp on the table, leaving them in complete darkness save the faint amount of moonlight that was penetrating the glass pained windows.  If Eomer could see us now…  Gaviwyr heard Xanthe’s chair scoot back and her footsteps approaching him.  Before he had a chance to say anything he felt her small hands grasping in the dark, brushing across his chest.

“Oh…sorry,” she began.

Gaviwyr quickly took her hands, grateful for the darkness that hid his smile.  “Not a problem My Lady, just follow me.”  Gaviwyr kept one hand out in front of him, feeling his way along the walls, while the other held Xanthe’s hands closely to his side.  Soon enough they had made there way out the door and a few yard down the hall, when they came to a turn where the hall split into two directions. 

“Do you remember which way we came from?” Gaviwyr asked Xanthe. 

“Yes,” she replied.  “We came from the right fork-- I remember seeing the other hallway as we approached.  It was on our left at the time.  Now we are turned around…well, you get the idea.”

Gaviwyr chuckled, “Yes, but I enjoyed hearing you simplify it for me…”  Gaviwyr stopped when he felt Xanthe push him playfully, her hands still caught up in his. 

“Anyway,” she said with exasperation, “are you ever going to tell me what was bothering you so much earlier?  I believed you when you told me it was because we were lost, but now I am not so sure, as we are even more lost right now and it doesn’t seem to be affecting your mood at all.”

Gaviwyr groaned and rolled his eyes.  “You really should learn when to drop a subject, you know?”

Xanthe decided that now would be a good time to plant her feet and insist that Gaviwyr tell her what was bothering him.  “Honestly Gav, I thought you trusted me?” 

Evil woman…  Gaviwyr turned around and tightened his grip on Xanthe’s hands.  “I was just worried about you.”  It’s partly the truth…

Xanthe felt her face redden.  “Why?  I was fine, except for wondering why YOU were so upset.”

Gaviwyr took a step closer to her and dropped her hands, moving his own up to her shoulders, which he held firmly.  “It isn’t so much that moment that I was worried about…it’s just…you always seem…upset…about something.”  Gaviwyr was having a terrible time trying to get the words out into a cohesive sentence.

Xanthe felt the red in her cheeks pale significantly.  “I am fine Gav, really.”  Her voice turned distant.

Gaviwyr brought one of his hands up to her cheek and lightly brushed it.  “I can see the pain in your eyes Xan-- I wish I couldn’t, but it’s there.”

Just let him in you foolish girl… Xanthe was uncomfortable and reacted in the only way she knew how.  “Gav, what must I do to convince you?  I am fine!  I don’t need you to take care of me like some tiny little child.  I have always done just fine on my own!”

“Really?” he said with exasperation, “you didn’t seem fine at dinner tonight!  You didn’t seem fine when you rode off on your own.  You didn’t seem fine when I read your p…” Gaviwyr hesitated, realizing too late what he was saying.

“Read what?” Xanthe shouted, horror filling her voice.  

Gaviwyr let go of her shoulders and took a step back.  The darkness that surrounded them did nothing to hide the anger in Xanthe’s voice.  Even so, he was surprised when he heard labored breaths coming from near the floor.  “Xan…”

“How could you?” She was sitting against the wall, arms wrapped around her legs.  “I can’t believe you…I trusted you!”

Gaviwyr knelt down, reaching out in the darkness to find her hand, only to feel his being swatted away.  “Don’t!” she shouted. 

Gaviwyr felt as though he had been drawn through.  He tried again to reach out to her, but she quickly scooted away.  Finally he gave up and sat back against the wall a few feet from her.  “I am so sorry Xanthe, I didn’t mean to.”

“Didn’t mean to what-- read it or give yourself away?”  She was no longer crying, her voice had turned cold and bitter.  Gaviwyr could almost taste her hatred of him.

“I didn’t mean to read it, not initially, but when I found it while we were packing…I couldn’t help myself.”  When he received no reply he continued.  “I only saw a few pages; random things about your family’s journey, and then that poem-- the one about the evergreen.  It was so sad.”

Again, nothing but silence.

“Xan…?”

Xanthe exploded through the silence like a firecracker.  “How convenient Captain!  Tell me, do you and His Majesty sit around and come up with such ridiculous excuses together?  Twice this month already I have heard that-- ‘I couldn’t help myself…’  Is there anything you two can control, or do you blame it all on some supernatural driving force…”

“Xanthe you are being unfair!  Haven’t you ever been in a situation where you are so caught up in matters of the heart that nothing logical can penetrate that emotion?”

Xanthe’s normally quick tongue wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.  “Matters of the heart?  You were reading my journal…my private thoughts!”

Gaviwyr silently scooted just bit closer to her, “And I care about you, so when I was given an opportunity, ANY opportunity to be closer to you, I took it.  Yes, it was foolish and thoughtless, but can you truly blame me?

Xanthe felt an unfamiliar fluttering in her stomach and she knew that she would quickly lose this argument if she pondered his words for very long, so instead she raced on.  “Yes, I can blame you!  Allowing yourself to be led by emotions is a weakness, Captain.”

Gaviwyr hated the formal tone that she was taking with him.  “And I suppose that if you had stumbled across Eomer’s personal thoughts without anyone around to inhibit you, you would have easily tossed them aside?  You can’t tell me you would want to know what he feels for you!”

Xanthe had nothing to say to that.  He’s right.  You were so eager, so infatuated, you wouldn’t have thought twice before invading his privacy…  “Maybe so Gav, but it would have been different.  I would only have done it if it concerned love…you were just curious, bored maybe.”

If there had been any light at all in the hallway, Xanthe would have seen the truly frustrated look that marred Gaviwyr’s face.  “Am I the slow one here or is it you?” he groaned.

Xanthe’s heart skipped a beat.  “I beg your pardon?”

“Is it lack of desire or simply an inability to comprehend all of the hints that I am throwing at you that keeps you from responding?”

Xanthe’s head was now spinning.  She wished that she could see his face, read his features to obtain some sort of idea what he was talking about.  “Gav, speak in a language I understand, please!  Stop ‘hinting’ and tell me, what is it you want from me?”

That was all the permission that Gaviwyr needed.  He reached out in the darkness and took Xanthe’s arm, pulling her close to him.  “This is what I want,” he replied with a longing whisper, expecting her to push him away again.  But she didn’t.  He felt her tense in his arms as he ran his thumb across her forehead and down the side of her ear.  “I want you…and I want you to want me.”  Gaviwyr felt Xanthe catch her breath and hold it, saying nothing.  He released his grip and moved away from her.  “A foolish desire is it not?  How could you want me when you have had him?  It is a dream.”

Xanthe felt hot tears wash over her eyes.  She reached out for Gaviwyr, but he had moved too far away.  The hurt in his voice was beyond anything she had imagined he could feel.  “I’m so sorry,” she said through choking sobs that she dutifully kept silent as they wracked her entire body.

Gaviwyr could hear the strain in her voice and understood somehow that it was not a rejection, but a plea for forgiveness.  He could hear her sharp intakes of breath after each silent sob, and he quickly moved back to her, finally being able to take her into his arms without worry.  “No Xan, I’m sorry.  I only wanted to be closer to you.  I never meant to hurt you.  Please forgive my cowardice, I beg you.”

The only reply that Gaviwyr received was a tightened grip around his waist as he held her and rocked her like a child until her breathing returned to normal and her muscles relaxed.  They sat like that for many minutes, in the blessed silence and calm of the dark hallway.  It wasn’t until they both heard a voice coming from no more than five feet away that they broke their embrace.

“You may be more comfortable on a sofa than on that stone floor,” the voice said lightly.

Gaviwyr stiffened and moved to stand but Xanthe caught his arm and pulled him back down.  “It’s Geylof!” she whispered to him as she struggled to stand while still holding Gaviwyr’s arm in hers.  He supported her, helping her up, all while squinting into the darkness, trying to locate the voice.

“My darling child, how wonderful it is to see you!” this time the voice belonged to a female. 

“Lailei!” Xanthe cried as the elf took her free hand, placing a kiss on her cheek.

“How we have missed you, Sweet One, though we certainly never expected to find you here!”

Gaviwyr suddenly felt the need to explain himself to these unseen beings.  “I realize what this must look like, but I assure you…”

Geylof interrupted him, placing his arm on Gaviwyr’s shoulder.  “There is no need Captain, we do not doubt either of your integrity.”

“But how do you know who I am?” Gaviwyr asked as he subconsciously tightened his grip on Xanthe’s hand. 

They heard both Elves laugh before Lailei interjected, “We ran into a rather perturbed dwarf only a moment ago who alerted us to your presence.”

Gaviwyr shook his head slightly.  “I haven’t even seen Gimli since yesterday…”

“He was in the library with the others just now-- Prince Legolas seemed to delight in pointing us out to him.  Olihre was there also and insisted that we find you at once.”

Xanthe laughed and released Gaviwyr’s hand as she threw her arms around the maiden.  “How I have longed to see you!  Though I suppose we can’t actually SEE anything…we are somewhat lost.”

Geylof said something very quietly to his wife and then took Gaviwyr’s arm while Lailei took Xanthe’s.  “Come, we shall lead you back.” he said.  Xanthe smiled and reached out in the darkness once more, finding Gaviwyr’s hand and keeping it for only a moment before the narrowing hallway forced her to release it.

Gaviwyr held on to her hand as long as he could, dreading the moment when he could no longer feel her.  He smiled to himself as he realized the SHE had taken HIS hand, not the other way around.  It wasn’t until after they had wandered the halls for some time that a shadow of doubt entered his mind as he realized that they would soon be facing Eomer.   It was quickly chased away however as he heard Xanthe speaking softly to her old friends.  Her voice was clear and calm, the tension that had always been there had faded into the darkness.  No, her love is worth any consequence I may face… even the loss of a best friend and a respected title. 

This thought comforted Gaviwyr for the remainder of their journey.  But soon he could see a faint glow of light ahead and hear mingling voices…and the doubt returned.

*          *          *

*A book of beasts and other living creatures.  I just bought David Day’s “Guide to Tolkien’s World- A Bestiary.”  It is magnificent!