Chapter Seven: Frodo of the Shire

Everyone has been so kind to me, Sam. Bilbo, Gandalf, Lord Elrond, Lady Galadriel and all the Elves, some of whom I’ve become friends with. They have all come to me, some of them have even held me as I have cried in my pain. I have been honored and humbled to be surrounded by so much genuine care and love. They have spoiled me as badly as you did. In fact, it’s almost like there are dozens of you here, but copies only. When I remarked to Gandalf that I thought the Elves would have had more important things to do than to nursemaid a troubled, broken hobbit, he seemed truly surprised I did not understand.

“They are honored to do it,” he said, “because they wish to honor your sacrifice. You took on a terrible burden willingly and out of love and it is not your fault you were broken by it. You withstood it much longer than anyone could have hoped or done themselves. And in your simplicity and innocence, you knew when you were broken. If anyone of us had taken it on, we would have been broken too, but in our pride we would not have seen it. My kind has been called the Wise, but I wonder whether it would more proper for hobbits to have that term instead.”

He left me then to think about what he had said and believe me, Sam, it did give something to think about it! I would have never thought of myself as stronger than Gandalf or the Elves or anyone. But he did. I think there are things I need to re-discover about myself, that I need to believe in again, that perhaps I could have not learned in any other way except here. I still miss you, brother of my heart, guardian of my soul, so much. I miss my Merry and my Pippin and the Shire, my king and queen, so much, but I begin to see my purpose in being here.

Lady Galadriel has been such a great help. She has been one of those who have held me and I felt like a child in his mother’s arms. She told me of her own grief and bitter pain and hard truths she learn about herself from her own failings and weaknesses. I was stunned and honored and humbled she would share such private pain with me. You never imagined that she suffered so when you saw her, did you, my Sam? No, she is nothing but shining light, but before she’s had to wrestle with such darkness inside and outside herself. I saw the last of that battle myself in Lothlorien. She’s had to bear that pain and knowledge far so much longer than I that I cannot imagine it. And she will bear the memory of it forever. But she has come to peace with it all and with herself. She shines even brighter than she ever did in Middle-earth which gives me hope I can survive my own pain. I can be whole again. Pain will not always make up my entire existence. I can have peace too.

I feel I have discovered a kindred spirit in her, another soul who understands through sorrowful experience what it feels like to be so completely violated by evil and by the cooperation with it, and even stranger, I think perhaps she felt the same, that she also treasured this bond of ours.  She thanked me for testing her with the Ring so she could overcome her own desire for it and thus be able to be worthy to return West.

You and I took many of the same steps together during the Quest, my Sam, but we did not have the same journey, and for that I am so very glad - that you were spared what we were not. And I am also so glad you were there for me, best part of my heart and soul. You held both together and both are beginning to shine again. Both are waiting anxiously for you. I have been more blessed by you two than I can possibly tell you.

The Lady held me that night until I fell asleep. I felt her kiss my brow. I cannot tell you how wonderful and loved it all made me feel. Then she gently released me and I fell into a most peaceful sleep. I have confidence that when you come, you will not see the same person you left on the shore, instead it will be the one I feared so greatly would never exist again, Frodo of the Shire, not Frodo of the Nine Fingers or the Ring-bearer, but simply your Frodo.

* * *

Frodo-lad was born today, my dear. So once again a Frodo is living in the Shire, at Bag End and I hope when it is my time to leave to go to you, he will want to stay. He is so very beautiful. He has your eyes and a small crop of hair already and the most perfect fingers and toes and cheeks and...and everything! Oh, how I wish you could see him and hold him and I could see your face shining up with wonder and awe and love and know that at least today, you were happy.

I don’t have much more to write tonight. The labor was not difficult, but it was long and we are both that exhausted.

Good night, dear. Sleep well. I love you.