Chapter Seventeen:  Death in the Family

Bilbo died today, Sam. I held him in my arms as he breathed his last, then for a long time after that, rocking him, singing to him, to a spirit that had already flown. I kissed his brow, laid him out, then Gandalf came. I cried so hard as he held me and comforted me. I don’t know how long we’ve been here. Time is muted here. It still passes, of course, but it’s much easier to lose track of than even during a lazy Shire summer afternoon that seems to last forever. I’m glad I won’t know how much time it will be until you are here.  I wish you were here now, but I know you are in some way already because you are in my heart where you have not left for all these many years and where you always will be.  That helps so much, my brother, more than I can ever tell you. 

I’m glad to be able to tell you that Bilbo died peacefully as I know you will grieve when you hear of it, but it was a good, happy death. He had been healed of his want of the Ring just as I am being and he knew I was becoming happy again. That was enough for him, I think. He had stayed on far beyond the time of any hobbit and he was staying for me. I miss him terribly already and it shall be so lonely at times here without him, without you, but I have many friends and I will not be alone, but when I choose to be. I have much to occupy my time just as I’m sure you do.

I am much happier and I hope somehow you know that. But today I will grieve for Bilbo and I think for a while, though I will also celebrate the memories of our many years together and the love we had for each other. Gandalf and I buried him on top of his favorite hill here where we’ve had many picnics and I have had many of my lessons in Quenya. Many of the Elves came to the burial also and we said several prayers for his soul, all in the language he so loved. It was my first true test of how fluent I was becoming in Quenya and Gandalf told me I did not disappoint.

I’m going to go down to the water again today and look east and think of you and him, Merry and Pippin and Aragorn. And all that is bright and beautiful in the Shire. I have no doubt that I will cry, but it will not be the same crushing pain that was destroying me when I first came so broken. It will be from happy memories and the sorrow that no more will be made between Bilbo and me, but I will not forget the joy he gave me and I’m sure will continue to give me, just as you still do and always will. I will visit his grave often and picnic there just as before and on the wind, I will hear his voice, see his smile and feel the touch of his hand. How I love him and miss him!