Chapter Forty-Three: Primrose

Our ninth was born today, dear! Even time I think my heart will burst with such joy and love, but still it beats and happily makes room for another one. This one is so lovely I wouldn’t even be able to believe she was mine, if it weren’t for her mother, but I haven’t been able to believe that of any of my lasses. Primrose we named her. All our bairns have lived up to their names and this one, I know, will be no different. Every time a new one comes, I can’t imagine being happier, then Rose tells me she is expecting again and the joy explodes all over again and I discover I can be happier. I wept today as I have each time I hold the newest one and I thanked you over and over again for the great gifts you have given me that these children are not threatened by the darkness you took upon yourself to conquer. It tried so hard to conquer you too, but it couldn’t do that. You had too much light in you and there is so much light in these children too and in Rose who grows more lovely with each one. I am more convinced than ever I will never, ever be able to thank you properly, but I know I will try that hard to do so anyway.

I am going to say goodnight early tonight and spend time holding my daughter and staring into her lovely eyes. She seems so fragile, even more than you did whenever I held you, but she’s strong like you, like all of her brothers and sisters and her mother, graceful under velvet and steel. I can’t imagine life without any of them I have been so blessed with.

Sleep well, dear. Thank you. I love you.

* * *

Oh, Sam, I think only you and Pippin can imagine what joy I have to know you are so happy with so many children! Nine now! I have kept track of them all as the proud uncle that I am. I may not know all their names, but I have spent nights out under the stars just listening to their marvelous Music with a huge smile on my face and so much peace and love I can hardly remember the times I didn’t feel that always in my heart.

Night has become a favorite time again for me, when I feel so small, but my dreams are so big and I can just lay out here all night and sleep in the arms of the One who loves me best, content to wait here until you came to hold me and then I have that joy as well. Oh, my Sam, I can’t wait, but Iluvatar has graced me with patience, with the knowledge you are never far from me because you have not left my heart. I don’t think I could have borne this separation without that blessing. I fall asleep with a huge smile on my face, just thinking and dreaming of seeing you again. I have prayed to Iluvatar, selfish as it may be, that He give you a taste of what it’s like here so you will not hesitate to come, though I know you will have so very much you will likely not want to leave. I think in a way He has already answered my prayers for I have felt your joy at all your children, but I can also feel clearly your love for me and that has helped me and soothed and comforted me as nothing else but His love can. I so look forward to the day you can see all this for yourself. Until then, know how very much I love you.