Chapter Fifty: Robin

I have another lad, dear! Twelve children now! Every time I wish you could be here to see them and hold them and love them (that I have no doubt you are already doing) and do everything a proud uncle would do with them. You would have such joy with them, taking them on walks, teaching them to write and read and embrace life.

I spend a lot of time imaging what it would have been like for you. Perhaps with all the distractions of so many lads and lasses, the Ring couldn’t have hurt you so bad, but it’s no use thinking of that. You are happy where you are and I am happy that you are happy. I feel in so many ways that you haven’t really left at all, that you could be just in the next room, where I can’t see you with my eyes, but I know you are there. I feel you so strongly in my heart, it is there that I see you. You are always smiling and laughing and you dance a lot. You are writing and reading and enjoying all the things we always enjoyed here - walks through woods, a smoke on the stoop, so many other things. I can still get lost in the middle of the living room, in the midst of lads and lasses all running around shrieking in childhood joy, and see only you. Rose tells me that I have this smile and peace to me then that I only have otherwise when I look at her or the children and she knows I am looking at you, another treasured no less than her or all the blessings we have.

The other day I heard Frodo-lad and Merry scribbling away in the study at one of their adventures they were making up from the Red Book and I almost thought it was you I heard. There are some times it is so clear to me that you are still here. I just closed my eyes and listened and smiled. Then Pippin and Bilbo grabbed at my hands and pulled me outside into a beautiful summer’s afternoon and we played outside until dinner. What joy you have given me, my dear treasure, what tremendous blessings that I can’t wait to thank you for! But for now, I will celebrate the latest and kiss his head for you and have another one to tell you all about when I see you. I am enjoying my time here more than I could ever tell you. Every night I thank you as I look up at the stars and think about you. Sometimes I am in no hurry to leave because I feel you so clearly still with me. Other times I just can’t wait to run into your arms like I used to do as a child and never let you go.

Goodnight, dear. Sleep well. I love you so.

* * *

Oh, my Sam, another one! I am so thrilled for you and that you have made me an uncle once more. My heart is so full with joy that I can only imagine what it must be like for you. These are all your well-deserved rewards for all the sacrifices you made to keep me and Middle-earth safe. I can only render to you my humble thanks which seems to pale in comparison to all the joy your Rose and children give you. It tore me apart to leave you, Merry and Pippin and Aragorn, four of the most important people to me in the world. How much more difficult it will be for you to leave twelve children and five brothers and sisters! I feel you so close to me, even now, that I think I could bear it if you decided not to come, but I continue in my selfish desire and hope that you will. I know it won’t be until Rose passes and I grieve that I won’t be there to help you through that. I would wish more than anything that I could be, that somehow she could live forever so your heart would not be broken, but the time will come and I won’t be there. Still your children will be and I know that will help, even more than I could. I hope you will feel all the love I will be giving you that day for I have no doubt I will know of your grief and share in it, just as I know of and share in your joys. It has been a great consolation to me to be able to share still in your life and my cousin’s and my king’s. I love you, dearest brother mine. I love you so.