Chapter Fifty-Six: Cooking for Two

We blew out 90 candles for you today, dear! 90! For 35 years we have been celebrating your day as though you were still here, just like you did for Mr. Bilbo after he left for the Elves. I suppose he is long gone now. It tears at my heart that you must be lonely and missing him, just like you were and did when he first left. I wish I could be there to help you, but one day I will be, dear, one day. Just hold on and I’ll come.

It took all 24 of us to blow your candles out. We had the party here in Hobbiton, out in a meadow, just those of us who love you most. It was a joyous day, a time for remembering, for cheering, for toasting, for wondering what you are doing today. I did much of the cooking, with Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin helping and we all wished that you were there also, sitting around with a beautiful smile in your eyes and on your face, taking a large piece of cake with frosting all around your mouth like a little lad. I think Mr. Pippin more than made up for your lack of being there to eat as he took your piece too. Mr. Merry and I had a nibble of it too and raised our mugs to you.

I know you are much happier where you are now, my dear, but how we wish you could still be with us. I know you couldn’t stay and we would have never made you, but still we can’t stop wishing. My Gaffer always said there was nothing good about wishes, just doing. But wishing is all we can do right now, all Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin can ever do. We don’t talk about it much, but they are glad and a little envious that I can go and see you. They will support me I know when it’s time to go and I know that they will look over my lads and lasses too, especially their namesakes but actually all of them. I couldn’t leave them in better hands.

Every time I kiss the children goodnight, I thank you for that joy and wish I could kiss you as well and not just a page in a book that I wonder sometimes if you’ll ever see. My Rose always knows when I get into one of these states and always assures me that of course I’ll see you again. She knows my heart inside and out and always has. So I know I will see you, dear, I know I will. Even if I don’t, I know you are still with me and always will be, tucked in my heart like you have been since I was nine. But still I long for the day when you will be tucked in my arms again, when I’ll finally be able to able come and take care of you like I did for so long and would have happily done forever. You’ve had to do it for too long and I miss everything I always did for you - cooking for you, just the two of us after Mr. Bilbo left; the walks and talks we had; the stories we read; the times that I’d just watch you sleep. I’ll come when I can. Look for me. I will certainly be looking for you.

Goodnight for now, my dear. Sleep well. I love you so much.

* * *

Oh, my Sam, sometimes I still miss you so. You are still so much a part of my life that I think you are just out of my sight and soon you will turn the corner and come in, whistling a merry tune or I can go out in the garden and watch you work away. And then you’ll look up at me and I’ll see all that love there and hear it in your voice and feel it in your arms. But you aren’t here. I can’t see you yet, not with my eyes, and only my heart can hear you. Most times that is enough to make up for your absence since you are still with me in so many ways, but there are days that I can’t help but long for more.

Bilbo and I shared the cooking, but he’s been gone long and though I often entertain my friends and have introduced many of them to much hobbity food, I so look forward to cooking for two hobbits again and not just myself. And I’m telling you right now, dearest, that I will be doing part of the cooking. I know you’ll consider it your place to do so and I won’t gainsay you all the time, but I will play your part once in a while. Oh, my heart, I can hear you sigh in that exasperation when I get stubborn on you. I smile at the thought of seeing and hearing that again, even though I have the strange feeling I’ve lost another argument with you and you aren’t even here! But come soon, my brother. I love you so.