Chapter Sixty-One: A Tookish Wedding

Oh, my dear, another lass of mine wed! As Rose and I knew and watched with joyful anticipation, our Goldilocks married her Faramir today. Mr. Pippin and Missus Diamond were shining with pride just as much as we were and I think Mr. Merry was almost as much, just because his Pippin was so happy.

You must be just that sick of me, dear, to always be saying it was you that made all this possible. But it’s true and I’m not going to stop saying it. You know how much I always wanted my Rose and a life with her and if the Shadow had not come and threatened all that, I suspect we would have much the same life as we do now, but it’s richer now somehow, as though from such darkness as we knew, the light is shining all the clearer because there was the threat it would never shine again. But the Shadow was torn apart and disappeared in the wind because you were there to confront it. It reigns no more because you stood up to it. I hope you have realized long ago the truth of that. I know you suffered sorely because of what you felt was your failure, but do you see now how much you succeeded instead?

I wish you could have been here today. I wish you could have been here every day to watch and celebrate the lives of all you touched and saved. No one else remembers you and the War except Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin and our families, but we don’t hesitate to celebrate your achievement and sacrifice. Today was bright and beautiful and I could have died from the happiness of it all and I know I owe much of it to my Rose, but even more to you.

Goodnight, me dear. Sleep well. I love you.

* * *

Oh, Sam! What wonderful thing has happened now? I wish I could be right there with you to celebrate each of these marvelous events as they happen. There is not one day that I don’t give thanks to Iluvatar that He has granted me this gift to know when He has blessed you once more. I feel it’s almost as though we are still together when I feel your joy so strongly and this time I felt my beloved Pipsqueak’s too and my Merry’s not so far behind. What a great gift to feel all three of you so hearty and hale and happy! I am so glad! I did what I always do, danced and shouted and gave thanks to Eru. I also spent much time at the beach, facing east. In fact that is where I am writing this now and the weather is so mild, I think I will even sleep here tonight. It has been a long time since I have done this, but I wanted to, needed to today.

I do not regret I came here or what my life has been like here. I am in the arms of Iluvatar and there is no better place. I know this is where I am meant to be. I am content and at peace, but I do miss you all sometimes still so sorely and today was one of those days. I know that there is another life beyond this one and I know one day I will see my beloved cousins again and meet all my nieces and nephews and all those I have loved even though I have not met them and I will see my parents and Bilbo again. But sometimes I still wish that things had been different and that I could have stayed with you all. I feel guilty when I have these regrets because I have been so very blessed and I have long ago come to accept the cost of my failures and successes or so I think, then I am surprised at times by these unseemly sorrows. It is usually enough to know that you are happy, that Merry and Pippin and my king are happy and you have all been amply rewarded for all your sacrifices and brave deeds and I have received my reward. But I do miss you all! So tonight I will sleep here and apologize to Iluvatar that His stubborn, willful child is sounding so ungrateful and that he even dares to plead for another gift, that he will dream of you four tonight. I love you all so much.

I look at those words and they are so pitifully inadequate to reflect what I really feel. Perhaps if I wrote out what I did when you taught me how to write again - I love you, one hundred times. Maybe that would come close. I can’t wait for you to come, my Sam, to tell me everything and I mean everything! I am going to be all ears and I will have plenty of raspberry leaf tea ready for that terrible sore throat you are going to have because I won’t let you stop!

I’m going to hold this book close to me tonight because I don’t have you and I so wish I did, but at the same time, I know you are needed and loved right where you are. I will wait.