Chapter Sixty-Five: Death of a Rose

Oh, my dear, my Rose died in my arms not two days ago. But that was hard! When I knew it was the end - my ma had had the same look - I did what I had done then. I buried my head next to her heart to listen to it, to silently beg it to continue, to try to force my own strength into her. But the beat faltered, then stilled all together and in both those moments, I wished my own heart had stopped so I could follow her, but it didn’t either time. Instead it gave such a wail that I wonder that the whole Shire was not raised - the same wail it had made when I watched you leave and when my Gaffer died.

But it was not a hard death for her. It was peaceful and she didn’t suffer much I don’t think. I think she was suffering more for me than for herself. She just took ill one summer day and never really recovered. She died early in the morn, just as dawn was spreading. I held her in my arms and she struggled to speak, to touch my cheek, to tell me she loved me and to thank me.

I told her I loved her, I told her over and over again. I didn’t think she had anything to thank me for, but I knew I had a lot to thank her for and I tripped over my words as I tried to get it all out before she faded away. She smiled at me and wiped at my tears, then I buried my head and held her so tight. Her last words to me were, “Go, my love, to your new home.”

I never really understood what Mr. Pippin said about Mr. Gandalf telling him about a life beyond this one, but I do now. Rose’s face was the most beautiful and peaceful I had ever see it when she passed. And, she glowed softly, just like you do, but even brighter. I know she’s gone onto a better place and I know she has blessed my choice to go too until we can meet again. I held her for a long time after her last breath passed. I rocked her and sang to her and cried harder than I have since you left, then we, the children and I, buried her next to her parents and mine.

I kept the garden going for her because she loved it so and now flowers from there make her grave the prettiest one there if a grave could ever be said to be pretty. I have spent much of the last two days there. I slept beside it last night. I couldn’t bear to be in that big bed all by myself. There’s been tears aplenty all around, but a lot of love too. I’ll be here a couple months more, getting things in order, but I know now my life here is over. It’s hard to leave, but at the same time, I look forward to it. I have a much better understanding now, maybe, of how hard it was for you and how necessary. I’ve done my part.

Frodo-lad is going to move back in so you know Bag End is going to be in good hands. He loves books and writing just as much as you do so that’s all going to be safe too. He’s going to help me get ready to leave and Elanor is going to come to help too. I am going to treasure the rest of my time here and then when it’s time, I’m going to come to you. I’ve already decided to set out on your birthday. It seems right that I should it then. You’ll be 114! I know you are still with me and I imagine just as young and beautiful as ever. I don’t know whether you’ll recognize me though! I don’t have the benefit of your Elvishness and it’s as a old hobbit I’ll be coming to you, but I’ll be coming, coming at last. The last of the Ring-bearers coming home. It may be only to die in each other’s arms, but I hope for more than that.

Goodnight, my dear. Sleep well. I love you.

* * *

Oh, my dearest Sam, a terribly calamity startled me out of my sleep. I wasn’t sure at first whether a nightmare had claimed me or what had happened, but then I woke and felt it was your pain that I was sensing, as deep as it had been when I left you at the Havens. I knew it could only be because of one thing. I’m so sorry, my dearest heart! I’m so very, very sorry! I didn’t even bother to change out of my nightshirt, but raced down to the shore. I wanted nothing more than to be with you and the distance between us meant nothing. I splashed up to my knees before Gandalf caught me. I struggled and squirmed and begged that he let me go, that I had to go to you, but he wouldn’t let me go. As usual, he already knew what had happened. He felt it too. I collapsed against him and cried harder than I have since I came. I have felt so often the distance between us, my dear brother, to be nothing more than the space between two heartbeats, but then I felt the insurmountable physical distance. How I wish I could have been there with you, to hold you, to cry with you! I so hope in some way you could feel me near, all my love and my sorrow. I don’t think it will be long now until I see you again and then I will be able to hold you and cry with you. But to have the reason that you can come is because you lost your Rose! Oh, my heart, I wish there could have been another way! I love you and I am praying that Iluvatar will strengthen you in this time.