Chapter Twenty-Nine: Eyes and Fire in the Dark

We traveled for hours and hours in dark for days. I am still traveling on those dark roads and there is as little light about me now as there was for all of us then. No staff of Gandalf leading us, no mithril shining far below. What a great gift Bilbo had given me, but how I wished and still wish we were just back home, with him, that none of this happened or was even heard of. That he hadn’t even left. That if we had to be here, that you wouldn’t have been hurt, the only one to have been when the Orcs attacked before that great one speared me. How many other hurts have you taken because of me? Your physical ones have long healed, but I can remember where each scar was. I can see other pain each day, in all the love, in all the concern that I am not getting better.

Still we had to go on in the dark and so must I. I heard or thought I heard footsteps behind us and two eyes glowing in the dark. I can still see one Eye, wreathed in flame. Sometimes I think that is my only company, my only light in this dark world that I now inhabit, but I know that is not true. The footsteps I hear most often are yours and the eyes I see are yours. You hold me as you did then, helping me along after the Orc had speared me. There is a pale light ahead of me and it is not of fire. I have to keep walking toward it, though I know it leads out of the Shire, away from you, away from nearly everyone. Just as we were bereft of the Company bit by bit, first with the horror of Gandalf’s fall, then with Boromir’s betrayal, then with leaving all the others behind so the evil could not work among them, so I must leave you all once more, even you, dearest Sam. But this second time I hope now will be into light and not into darkness. I have lingered here too long.

* * *

It was terribly dark and chill in those halls of the dwarves. Gimli sang that song about how it had once been and I think it would have been wonderful to have seen it in those days. I think we could have almost been at home, but those days were long past. Only evil still lingered. I almost died myself when you fell to that Orc spear. It was as if my own heart had taken it seeing you like that. I don’t even want to think of what would have happened if you hadn’t been wearing Mr. Bilbo’s shirt. The Ring would have passed to someone else, but who but you could have borne it? How I wish it had never come, but it did. We were that amazed when you asked Aragorn to put you down. A body was all we thought he carried, but I should have known you were too stubborn to have died, my dear. We made it down the stairs and you leaned against me and I held you, wishing I could do more to ease your pain. I wished that every moment we were on our Road and for long after we should have been able to leave it, but you could not and so neither could I. I wish for it even now, when I can no longer walk beside you, but only hold you in my memories and heart and thoughts and hope you can still feel me there.

Then came the fire and Mr. Gandalf’s fall and that hurt something fierce. We were both crying before we came out into the day again, but that day was lesser without of him and except for brief respites, the day came less bright the rest of the time. The only light that remained to guide us was in you and how the Ring fought to smote that out. But it didn’t. It couldn’t. Now its gone and you are shining brighter than ever. I know you are.

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A/N:  Tomorrow, 11/15, starts what is known in the Byzantine Catholic Church as St. Philip's Fast.  It is a voluntary, dietary fast, which can be observed in whole or in part until Christmas, but since I weigh little enough as it is, I won't be following that, but instead 'fasting' from posting here, though I will be reading on the weekends and perhaps if I do not feel it is cheating too much, posting on the weekends as well, but don't be surprised if you don't see anything until Christmas.  So Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas just in case!  It will be here before we know it!  And hannon le for all your very kind reviews!  I am very grateful for them and all the support you have given me. :)

Our pastor is asking for prayers for the conversion of our Moslem brothers and sisters.  As far as the war on terror goes - "What can be done against such reckless hate?"  - it must be fought, but it will be won through prayer.  I thought I would pass along his request.  God bless us all.