Chapter Thirty-One: Being Watched

It was good to feel clean water around our feet again in the Nimrodel. It was refreshing after that terrible water around the gate of Moria. I long so to feel clean again. The Sea will wash away much I hope.

We met Haldir on the other side and Legolas told us about how you breathed so loud. That brings a smile to my face even now. Oh, my dearest, most beloved Sam, how I shall miss everything about you, even your snoring! You fell asleep easily that night but I took a little longer. I had heard footsteps before we came here and now I saw eyes again. Our shadow had re-appeared, being drawn by the Ring. Oh, how I wish I could have drawn him and myself away from its allure, saved him, brought him to where I am going now, so he could heal too. But such was not his fate. I know not where he is. I barely even know where I am or where I am going. I no longer live in the Shire but as a shadow myself and where I am going seems like a dream, but if it is a dream, I hope I do not wake, at least not until I am healed and you are with me.

* * *

I think the only times I didn’t fear for you, dear, was when we were with the Elves. Even sleeping in the trees I knew we were safe - imagine me saying that! You know how I hate heights and even worse was the next day, on that rope bridge over the water, but I was with you and we were with the Elves so I knew we were all right, even with the dangers that surrounded us. That’s how I know you are safe now, my love. I don’t imagine there to be any dangers where you are going and I know the Elves and Mr. Bilbo and Mr. Gandalf will be taking care of you just as we were in Rivendell and the Lady’s Wood. I wish so much that I was with you - and I think that they must know it too, because it has to be Elvish magic that lets me see you sleep - but I want to be here too. You said I won’t always be torn in two, but the only time I wasn’t was when I had both you and Rose to look after. Either I was with you on the Quest and not with her or now I am with her and not with you. I’m not complaining since of course I had to be with you and she is the brightest jewel after yourself among hobbits and that is a rare treat. She make me as happy as I can be right now and I am feeling better because of her.

But it just isn’t right that you aren’t here, too. That’s why I keep looking for you here, in the meadows and fields and streams. I listen for your voice in the wind and by your favorite tree. I stood there for a long time today, just listening to you as you read one of those tales that always thrilled us. I could just about see you too, leaning up against the tree, book in hand, face bright, voice so lively and dramatic. You always made the tales so exciting, using different voices for different people. You were so good making the sounds of dragons and other terrible things that I jumped in fright at times, but I always knew I was safe with you. I hope I will always hear that wonderful voice of yours. And I hope I will always see you - smiling, laughing, so full of light and life and joy. What tales you will have to tell when I see you next, dear!