Chapter Thirty-Two: The Golden Wood

I will never forget the land of Lorien. Out of all the terrible memories of darkness, this light remains, brighter than anything, save you, my Sam. Part of me still dwells there, free from pain and want. We both stood in wonder at the land, the freshness and newness of it and the ancientness of it all the same time. But time still had not touched it as it has all else and the Shadow had not stained it. It was clean. Gandalf tells me that where Bilbo and I are going will be more beautiful still and that the lands beyond it that no mortal can enter cannot even be described. And there are lands even further beyond that are the most wondrous of all and those lands he has told me can be entered. Oh, Sam, what awaits us! Both of us.

It will be long before we can stand together as we did then in the Lady’s Wood, but my greatest hope is that we shall. I have so few hopes left, but that is one and the best. I hope also to heal, that this separation is not in vain, but it will be fruitful and for you too. I gave everything I had for the Quest and there is nothing here that can fill me again, except the thought that I will see you again and you will see me happy and full again of light and not of the darkness that is both a void in me and choking me at the same time.

I wish I could share with you all my hopes and fears of this coming time, hear your confident reassurances that all will be all right. You have given me that so many times, even times I wondered how you could possibly believe it, but you were always right. It was all right, even when the Ring was tearing me apart, because you were with me and you said it was, though I had lost any hope of my own and relied solely on yours. You never gave up hope for our success and I know you would hope the same for me now.

You got me to the Fire and even though you won’t be there physically, I know you will bring me back from it. You will not leave me alone, dearest brother mine. I know you will always be with me and I imagine I will look for you and see you like I saw Aragorn that day in the Golden Wood, wrapped in his own memories of his time there. Past and present seemed to merge and mingle there and if there is something even more wonderful where I am going, then it will be like that but even better and we will never be parted again.

* * *

I hope where you have gone, dear, is like the Lady’s Wood. I imagine it is because I don’t think you could get anything more Elvish and wonderful than that and I had thought Rivendell was a wonder to behold. Everything seemed new and sharp. We weren’t just hearing a song like we had in the water, but we were actually inside it, looking out. What songs do you hear now, I wonder?

I dream I think sometimes of those songs, like a clear voice coming over the water, over a great distance. It’s not so much that I am hearing it with my ears as much as I am with my heart and it wraps all around me like a nice, warm cloak, enveloping in so much love and light and comfort and peace. It’s like looking into your eyes before all this happened when I was sick or taken a spill or been afraid and you would comfort me with all that love and light in you. It’s like being wrapped into your arms as you would hold me then, but even better.

I’m not anxious to leave Rose’s arms and her love and light, but I am, at the same time, that much looking forward to seeing you again, my dear. I think if I couldn’t see you each night I need to, then I would go mad from this wanting to be in two places at once. But I don’t need to see you as much anymore. I still treasure every time I do, but I don’t need to seek it each night anymore. You are getting better and that has done me a world of good to know that. I know you are in my heart as you have ever been and there I seek you now instead, though it is still often enough that I see you, sleeping away and that can still take my breath away and fill my heart with such love and joy it’s a wonder it doesn’t burst and I don’t release the shout that rises up in my throat. If this is how it feels now, I can barely imagine how it will feel when I truly see you next and you can see me and I can look at you looking and smiling at me with all that incredible love. I will shout then, my dear love. I will hold you forever and laugh and cry, but my tears will be happy ones. I love you, my Frodo. I love you that much.