5: Endings and Beginnings

Time passed, or didn’t...

Glorfindel continued to play with the twins, who now were willing to hold onto his hands, one on each side of him, rather than cling to each other as before. The sight of the sons of Dior running around separately cheered everyone who saw them, Eldar and Maiar alike. The light of their own fëar began to strengthen and Glorfindel was sure that they were maturing quickly.

"They still have many years before they are ready to leave Mandos," Olórin told him when he mentioned it to the Maia after seeing the twins to their sleeping chamber. "Soon they will be returned to the Mardi Winiron with the other elflings."

The thought saddened the golden-haired elf, for he had become quite fond of the twins and hated the idea of being apart from them. Olórin looked at him with sympathy. "It is for the best, you know. They really need to be with other children their own age and learn what they need in order to mature into the fine adults that Eru meant for them to be."

Glorfindel nodded, still not convinced. "I know. It’s just..."

The Maia smiled gently and put an arm around the elf to comfort him. "Eluréd and Elurín were brought here for a specific purpose. You helped them to open up to others, to trust others beyond themselves. Now it is time for them to go forward, as it is time for you as well."

Glorfindel started and looked at the Maia with some trepidation. "What...?"

"Oh, not immediately," the Maia assured him, "but soon it will be time for you to be Reborn. Fear not," he added at the stricken look on the elf’s face. "I will be there to aid you. I have asked Lord Námo's permission to be your chief attendant and he has agreed."

"Wh-when...?"

Olórin shook his head. "You will know when the time is proper. Now, go and play and worry not."

The Maia gave Glorfindel a slight push and the elf reluctantly complied. Soon, though, he ceased to think or worry about the Maia’s words and spent the next few hours, or it could have been days or years, singing and dancing with Finduilas, Saeros, Beleg and his other friends while he waited for the twins to waken once again.

****

A time came when Glorfindel found himself alone with the twins as they wandered through the Halls, Eluréd and Elurín chattering away. Glorfindel let them for they had said little when they had first arrived at the Halls and now they were joking and singing and it made Glorfindel glad to hear their sweet voices. They came to a dim corridor that ended at a door. It had no knob and they had turned around and taken several steps back up the corridor when they felt a Presence and looked back to see the Lord of Mandos standing there. The twins moved closer to Glorfindel, their expressions wary. Námo smiled.

"Tolo hí, hîn nîn," he said quietly, holding out his hands and after a moment’s hesitation the twins complied. Námo took their hands in his and led them back to the door.

"Open it," he said and the twins looked up at him in surprise.

"B-but there’s no knob," Eluréd said, his expression fearful as he dared to contradict the Lord of Mandos.

Námo merely smiled. "It’s there but you have to look for it."

"Wh-why do we have to look for it?" Elurín asked almost as fearfully.

Námo knelt between the twins, capturing their eyes with his, his face somber. "It is time for you to return to your proper Hall, my precious ones. This door will take you there, but only you can open it."

Now the twins looked stricken and they glanced up at Glorfindel who had remained silent, knowing somehow that this was as it should be.

"B-but we don’t want to leave Gl-glorfi," Eluréd protested and they both began to cry.

Glorfindel moved then and gathered the twins in his embrace. "And I don’t want you to leave, either, but you must. Lord Námo is correct, it is time you returned to where you belong."

"We w-want to st-stay with you," Elurín blubbered.

Námo pulled the twins gently from Glorfindel’s embrace and gathered them into his own arms. "But Glorfindel is not staying either."

Now all three elves looked at the Vala with amazement. Glorfindel felt something cold settle inside him. "I-I’m not?"

Námo looked at the older elf with a sympathetic smile. "It is time for you to leave these Halls, my son. Time for you to return to Life."

For a moment Glorfindel could only stare at the Vala and then he nodded slowly, recognizing the truth of Námo’s words. He looked at the twins and smiled a bit tremulously. "Then it’s a good thing you are leaving too, isn’t it?"

"Come," Námo said, standing up again. "Open the door, my children and face your destinies."

He turned them to face the door and then with some reluctance the twins began to feel the smooth wood, looking for a knob they were convinced wasn’t there. Glorfindel almost wished they wouldn’t find one, and then, Elurín gave a soft exclamation.

"I can feel something!" he cried.

Námo nodded, a pleased smile on his face. "Turn it to the right, but you both must turn it."

The elflings did as they were told and Glorfindel heard an audible click and then the door swung open by itself. Beyond was nothing but a bright light, but he could hear the faint laughter of children somewhere in the distance. The twins looked at the light in wonder and shrank back towards Glorfindel who moved to place a protective arm around their shoulders.

"Do not be afraid, my children," came the calm voice of the Vala from behind them, deep and melodious and full of bells. "Go and know only joy."

Glorfindel gave them both a squeeze of encouragement then bent down and kissed them on their brows in farewell.

"Namárië, Eluréd. Namárië, Elurín."

The twins hugged him wordlessly and then hand-in-hand stepped through the door into the light. The door closed behind them without a sound and Glorfindel found himself weeping. Námo came and placed a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"They are happy now as they have never been," he said quietly. "You helped them to be so."

Glorfindel nodded and wiped the tears from his face and turned to face the Vala. "What happens now, lord?"

Námo looked at the elf gravely and said, "Turn around."

Glorfindel did and was surprised to find that the door was no longer there. In its place was a tapestry, one that struck familiar chords in him. It was the tapestry of the seven-tiered city burning while a golden-haired elf faced a creature of flame and shadow. Glorfindel stared at it for the longest time, dread beginning to fill him.

"Th-that’s me, isn’t it? Th-that’s how I died."

"Yes, child. That is how you died. You have forgotten much about your former life dwelling here in Mandos, but now it is time to remember."

"Why have I forgotten?" Glorfindel asked, looking perplexed.

"Because you needed time for your fëa to heal. More than just your physical body was destroyed, Glorfindel. Something of your fëa also was lost. The time spent in these Halls has been for the purpose of regaining what was lost so that you could leave here whole."

"Wh-what did I lose?" Glorfindel asked as he continued staring at the tapestry before him.

For a long moment Námo did not speak. "The ability to love another and to let them go," he finally said with as much gentleness as he could.

The ellon shuddered, not knowing what the Vala meant, but afraid to ask. Námo knew what was going through the elf’s mind and made him turn around and face him.

"When you came here," he said quietly, "your only thought was to go back, to fulfill your oath to protect Idril and Eärendil. You could not accept the fact that they were no longer your responsibility. You had done your part, but you could not let go. The time you have spent dwelling in these Halls has been given over to teaching you how to let go. You showed that you have learned that lesson with the twins just now."

Glorfindel thought over the Vala’s words for long moments. Finally he spoke. "H-how long have I been here?"

Námo chuckled, well aware of the real question the ellon wished to ask. "You have been here as long as it was necessary, no more and no less. You took as much time as you needed to learn your lessons. There is no shame for the length of time that it took. Others may have learned their lessons sooner but all learn what they need to learn in the time they need to learn it. You have been a very good pupil and I am very proud of you."

Glorfindel leaned against the Vala, hiding his face and giving a small sob. Námo put his arms around him and began to rock him slowly. "Hush now, my son. This is not a time for tears, but a time to rejoice. You are ready to rejoin the Living, to enter into the life that Eru always meant for you to have. There will be much heartache, true, but also much joy. You were meant for Life, child, not Death."

He stroked the ellon’s hair and crooned softly until the elf had calmed. "That’s better."

Glorfindel found he had one more question. "W-will it hurt?" he asked shyly, suddenly feeling very foolish, but Námo merely laughed and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"Let’s find out." With that a great weariness fell upon Glorfindel and he found himself slipping into darkness. He was not aware when Olórin appeared and took him into his arms, then walked through the tapestry to what lay beyond.

****

Tolo hí, hîn nîn: (Sindarin) Come here, my children.