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Elf, Interrupted: Book One: Glorfindel Redux  by Fiondil

63: Echoes of Judgment

Sador found himself staring out into space, or at least that seemed to be the perspective. He stood in the threshold of a large wooden door with nothing but the night sky before him and a single bright jewel of a star shining above him.

Or perhaps it was below him. He wasn’t sure.

It did not matter. It was beautiful. More beautiful than anything he had ever seen before and it called to him, though he did not know why it should.

"Close the door, Sador," came a voice from behind him. It was as kind as summer, yet there was the trace of winter’s ice in it that Sador recognized as a command. "Close the door, child," the voice said again. "There is nothing for you there now. Time to come in."

Sador hesitated for a moment or two, unwilling to let go of the sight of the star. Its beauty smote him and left an ache deep inside that he feared would never be assuaged and he could almost feel tears running down his cheeks. Then, with a stifled sob, he stepped back and pushed the door closed, almost slamming it. Only then did he realize that there was no handle on this side of it and now he would never be able to open it again and look at the star. He leaned against the door lost in grief.

"Turn around Sador and face me," the voice said. It was still gentle and even welcoming but it would not brook any dissent and so Sador reluctantly turned around...

His mind froze and it took some time for him to understand what he was seeing and why.

He was in a small chamber, perhaps only fifteen paces on either side. The walls were whitewashed and the floor tiled but there was no ornamentation. Across the room from him was a short dais upon which there was a throne and on the throne...

He was tall, his blue-black hair elf-braided, his eyes a dark grey. He wore a knee-length grey nubbed wool tunic over an indigo-dyed lawn shirt with tight sleeves. His breeches were of light wool dyed grey and his feet were covered with knee-high leather boots. He had a sleeveless overrobe of figured black silk trimmed with black opals and moonstones. On his head he wore a diadem of intricately wrought mithril in the shape of flames in the middle of which was set a single blood-red ruby.

"Hello, Sador," the figure said and beckoned with the fingers of his left hand for the elf to approach.

Sador screamed, suddenly remembering all the stories his daernana had told him about the Doomsman and his terrible Curse. He turned back to the door seeking escape but there wasn’t any and he found himself huddled against the portal that was forever closed pounding on it futilely as he wept. He felt, rather than saw, the Lord of Mandos stand behind him and place a comforting hand on his head. Sador tried to cringe away, but there wasn’t anywhere else to go.

"That’s all right, child," Námo said gently. "Take your time. There’s no rush." Then he began singing an ancient lullaby as he stroked the ellon’s head. In spite of himself, Sador fell asleep.

****

When he woke up he was lying on a low couch and Lord Námo was again sitting on his throne, his expression grave but not unkind or cold. He actually smiled when Sador’s eyes fell on him.

"Feeling calmer?"

Sador nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He was remembering all that his daernana and the other Noldor had told him about the Dread One and the terrible fate that no doubt awaited all those of Beleriand, Noldorin Rebels and Sindarin Refusers alike, and he felt himself beginning to panic at the thought. Námo frowned slightly and gestured. "Come here, Sador. Let us get this over with."

When Sador hesitated, Námo shook his head and his face became stern. "Do not refuse me, child. It will be better for you if you come to me of your own free will."

With great reluctance Sador rose from the couch and stood rather shakily before the Lord of Mandos. When Námo waved him closer he took a couple of steps. Námo’s eyes were bright with amusement.

"A little closer, child. I don’t bite, truly."

Sador took a few more steps until he was standing directly in front of the dais and had to look up at the Vala.

"What did your daernana tell you about me?" Námo asked.

The ellon visibly gulped and spoke in a whisper, his voice trembling. He found he could not look away from the Vala’s eyes. "S-she said you... cursed us and... if we ever f-fell into your hands... we... we would..." Then he was on his knees weeping. "P-please... I didn’t do anything wrong... I didn’t... I didn’t...."

With a sigh Námo leaned over and pulled the ellon towards him. Sador’s weeping was now reduced to whimpers as he tried to escape the Vala’s arms, but to no avail. Námo placed Sador’s head in his lap and began gently rubbing the ellon’s back, saying nothing. Slowly, Sador found himself relaxing when nothing else happened and he felt himself calming, though not to the point of falling asleep. Instead, he felt more wide awake than he remembered ever being.

The Lord of Mandos began speaking. "Your daernana and the other Noldor who fled Aman had a jaundiced view of their relationship with us. They saw us as keeping them in Aman against their wills when in truth they were free to leave whenever they wanted."

"Th-then why did you curse them?" Sador asked without looking up.

"Child, I didn’t." There was a universe of sorrow in those words. "The Noldor call it the Curse of Mandos, but it can more correctly be called the Curse of Fëanor, for it was he who brought it down upon himself, his sons and all those who fled with him. All I did was to pronounce the doom that naturally followed from all the decisions that came from Fëanor refusing our request for the Silmarils."

"Daernana said because I had Noldorin blood that I was cursed too and... and if I... died, I would be punished."

"Hardly sounds fair, does it?"

Sador raised his head and shook it, then gave the Vala a hesitant look. "Am... am I going to be punished?"

Námo shook his head and smiled gently. "No, child, but you will be judged."

Sador pulled himself upright and began backing away. "But I didn’t do anything. I didn’t." He started to turn, thinking to escape, though there was nowhere to run. It didn’t matter. Námo was out of his throne in seconds and had wrapped his arms around the ellon and pulled him into his embrace.

"Shhh. It’s all right," the Vala whispered as Sador wept and tried to escape. "Hush now, best beloved. This has nothing to do with punishment. Look now. Look at the tapestry."

The Vala pointed to the wall where the door had been and Sador saw that a tapestry now hung there. He was not sure of the scene, being aware only of bright colors and figures that seemed to move across the storied web. At the moment his gaze fell on the arras his body stilled and he became quiescent in Námo’s arms.

"That’s it, child," Námo said, not letting the ellon go. "Look at the tapestry. Do not be afraid. I will stay right here beside you. You don’t have to face this alone, I promise you."

Afterwards, Sador never really remembered what happened except that every detail of his life came to the fore of his memory and Someone sifted those memories with a thoroughness that left the ellon exhausted. Most of it was not so bad but he remembered screaming at least once when a memory concerning the fall of Doriath arose, and then again when the last moments of his life surfaced and he saw the sword coming down....

"NINNIACH!" he screamed and began flailing at the Lord of Mandos, who simply picked him up as if he were an elfling of ten and sat down on his throne, holding Sador tightly to him, letting the ellon vent his rage and fear as he pleased. Eventually, the ellon tired and his movements slowed, even as his screams became whimpers and then stopped altogether until he was completely quiescent in Námo’s arms.

"Do not be afraid for your sister, child," Námo said quietly. "All will be well with her and with you. Now, I think it’s time for you to sleep and when you wake up everything will be different." He leaned down and gently kissed Sador on the brow. The ellon stiffened in the Vala’s arms for a moment and then relaxed completely. Námo rose and placed him on the couch, covering him with a light blanket and smoothing his brow with a hand. Sador struggled to keep awake but the Vala began singing a lullaby and soon the elf was fast asleep.

He woke once or twice to see either a Maia or Lord Námo standing watch over him before drifting back into sleep, feeling safe and loved. At least once that he remembered he woke screaming from a nightmare and there were two Maiar there to comfort him.

Sador slept for nearly five years and when he awoke completely, he had no memory of his life in Middle-earth....

****

Haldir stared at Sador, his surprise evident. "Your Judgment was nothing like mine."

"Yet it was a Judgment nonetheless. My memories and motives were examined, sifted for falsehoods and exposed to the light for the truth. It was no less painful to endure for me than it was for you. The difference is that I stood before only one of the Valar, and that one actually held me the entire time, offering me comfort and love. Of course, when it was happening, I appreciated neither the comfort nor the love." He grinned at the Noldo and Haldir grinned back.

"Is it true, though?" Gwilwileth asked anxiously. "There is no punishment? My Haldir wasn’t chained? They said he would be chained."

Both Haldir and Sador looked at the elleth in shock and confusion. Haldir took his wife into his arms as she started to weep softly. "Beloved, who said such a thing to you?"

Gwilwileth looked up at her husband. "Wh-when we first came here, after the War of Wrath, elves from... the mainland came. They told us we were here on sufferance and our loved ones who went to Mandos went chained to their judgments and..."

Several things happened at once. Netilmírë, when she understood what was being said, cried out in horror at the elleth’s words. Haldir’s expression went deadly as he saw confirmation in the eyes of many of the bystanders. Sador was wondering if he would be able to get his anammë away in safety, for Gwilwileth’s words had triggered long-held resentments by the Tol Eressëans against the Amaneldi. The mood of the Tol Eressëans was turning dark and ugly and Netilmirë was an easy target.

And then, Lord Námo appeared in their midst, along with two warrior Maiar, all three looking grim. It was as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over all of them. Every elf in the courtyard froze, some with the most ridiculous expressions on their faces. Only Sador and Haldir seemed unaffected. Haldir pulled back from whatever dark place he had been heading for and stared at the Vala with easy respect; Sador merely gave Námo a cheeky grin.

Námo raised an eyebrow at that. "Sador. Have you been causing trouble?"

"No more than usual, my lord," the ellon said with a laugh.

Námo nodded, looking amused, then turned his attention to Haldir, who now had a protective arm around Gwilwileth. That elleth looked pale and ready to collapse. Námo gestured to her. "Á tulë sinomë, Wilwarindinya."

She gasped but did not dare disobey. Námo took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "Your husband was not chained and those who told you otherwise must someday answer for their spite. Know that Haldir was treated with as much gentleness as he would allow us to show him."

"Why would anyone say such a cruel thing in the first place and why did you let them?" Haldir demanded angrily, glaring fearlessly at the Vala. Many there cringed at the ellon’s tone, half expecting the Lord of Mandos to come down rather hard on the insolent elf, but Námo simply gave Haldir a small shrug.

"I do not concern myself with the petty doings of the Eldar, my son. None of us do. Your problems are your own and you must work them out as best you can. I neither allowed nor prohibited those Amaneldi from speaking such cruel words to your wife. I regret that she was left to feel fear and sorrow at your supposed treatment, but you are here to tell her otherwise, are you not?"

Haldir scowled. "They had no right."

"No, they did not," Námo agreed. "Just as none of you have the right to vent your anger on an innocent stranger." Here, he looked pointedly at Netilmírë, who, for her part, merely gave the Vala a brief curtsey and a small smile. Námo returned the smile with one of his own.

"You say you do not concern yourself with our... petty affairs, lord," one of the other elves said with a scowl. "May we ask then why you are here?"

Námo looked appraisingly at the elf who had the grace to blush and turned to share a smile and a raised eyebrow with his two Maiar attendants before returning his attention to the elves. "I was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by."

Sador snorted at that; everyone else stared at the Vala in disbelief. "O-our neighborhood?" Haldir asked.

"No, mine."

They all turned to see Lord Ulmo striding towards them, his robe glittering like fish scales. He was dripping seawater and his beard and hair trailed seaweed. He took in the scene at a glance and gave his brother Vala a searching look.

"Trouble?"

Námo shook his head. "Not any more."

Ulmo nodded. "Well, if you’re finished playing, we have some work to do. I want to take another look at those temporal equations and see if we can detect a recognizable pattern. I was thinking..."

The elves stared in bemused wonder as the two Valar with their Maiar guards began walking away, fading into the fabric of the courtyard as they stepped away from one Reality towards another, the Eldar seemingly forgotten. For a long moment no one moved or spoke, then Gwilwileth turned to Sador and gave him a small curtsey.

"Would you and your... anammë care to join us for the evening meal?"

Sador looked at Netilmírë who merely raised an eyebrow, allowing him to make the decision for them both. He nodded and gave the elleth a smile. "We would be honored, thank you."

"No, my lord," Gwilwileth said, "the honor is mine. It’s the least I can do for you after rescuing my husband... er... from the tree."

Haldir had the grace to blush as everyone in the courtyard laughed lightly.

****

Daernana: (Sindarin) Grandmama.

Á tulë sinomë, Wilwarindinya: (Quenya) "Come here, my Butterfly". Wilwarin is the Quenya equivalent of Gwilwileth.

Ruby: Considered to be the most powerful gem in the universe, it gives the wearer the ability to see things in a true and correct manner. It is also a symbol of royalty.





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