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Choices  by Laikwalâssê

Choices

Disclaimer:

See chapter 1.

Chapter 14:  lead on and I will follow you

Elrohir stopped, startled when the water lapped at his legs. It felt strange, wrong. The surface rippled sluggishly and he was reminded of syrup or oil.

Just a few minutes before the brothers had decided to cross the river to follow their father. The Elf-lord was already lost in the mists swirling on the other side of the river.

Looking up Elrohir met the gaze of his brother. He was standing only a few feet further in the water that barely reached his hips. Elladan looked just as surprised.

Looking down at the water that was sticking to his trousers like honey again, Elrohir was now sure that this was not water at all. As he had guessed earlier, the river represented some kind of barrier, some sort of line which they should not cross.

Elrohir let out a frustrated breath. What options were left to them?

Knowing the thoughts crossing his brother’s mind like his own, Elladan turned and looked toward the other shore. It was only a few feet away. He could not get rid of the feeling that that he could never reach it. Was this an illusion, a mental blockade, or some real obstacle?

Elladan started when Elrohir touched his arm. “I’m not sure that we should proceed,” the younger twin murmured.

For a second Elladan was inclined to agree. But, as quickly as his compliance had come, it vanished. With anger in his eyes he shook his head.

“No!” he replied annoyed. “What are you suggesting? Should we turn back and return to our day-to-day-life? Without Ada there will be no life I’m willing to return to. No stupid river, water or not, can keep me from following him. You can stay if you wish.”

When he saw the shock on Elrohir´s face over his aggressive reply, all of his anger vanished and a great sense of guilt washed over him. What had made him yell at his brother in a manner like this? Elrohir had only made a suggestion.

Quickly closing the small distance between them Elladan drew his brother into a gentle embrace. “I’m sorry, Elrohir, please forgive me. I did not mean it the way it sounded.”

Feeling his brother nod against his shoulder Elladan drew back and sighed, relieved when he saw that his brother held no grudge against him.

“I’m also not willing to return without Ada, but I’m not sure if we should cross this river. Maybe there is another option?” Elrohir said steadily while meeting his brother’s gaze unflinchingly.

Elladan nodded and considered Elrohir´s words. But again the older twin did not see any other choice but to follow their father over the river and he had the distinct feeling that their time was running short.

Shrugging his shoulders Elladan turned and set one foot in front of the other determined to reach the other shore. He was relieved when he saw from the corner of his eye that Elrohir was following him without further complaint. Elladan clenched his jaw. He knew that Elrohir trusted his lead, he always had, but he would not have followed him if he wasn’t sure of this choice.

After a time the brothers could not place they reached the other shore without incident. Elladan quickly scampered up the incline and turned to extend his hand toward his brother. Elrohir took the proffered hand gratefully.

He felt weary to the bone and briefly wondered how such a short distance could have tired him that much. The deep lines under Elladan’s eyes told him that his brother was as exhausted as he.

However the twins stopped their movements abruptly when they got sight of their father standing not far away with his back turned to them. This however was not what made the twins stare. It was the scene the Elf-Lord was standing in.

Amidst the uninviting grey mist there was a landscape born from a dream. And the dream seemed to change with every passing second. The images turned so quickly that Elladan began to feel dizzy. Elrohir stood there open mouthed.

When the scene began to stabilize, the brothers registered with surprise that it was their father who was creating this spectacle with his mind, his feelings and his wishes. How this could be possible they had not the slightest idea.

In their familiarity with the elder elves they called father, uncle, grandfather or mentor, the younger ones often forgot about the powers these ancient beings possessed. When Elladan had reached a spot where he could look at his father’s face he was not sure however if the Elf-lord was doing something consciously. The Elf-Lord appeared equally nonplussed.

Ripped from his thoughts by his brother’s touch on his arm Elladan swallowed when the image had come to a complete stand still. There on a beach – a beach? – stood his mother beckoning them to come closer.

Knowing somewhere in his mind that this was not real; that his mother was not dead and therefore could not be here, he was nonetheless unable to tear his gaze away. Like his father, he longed with all his heart to be reunited with her at last. The choked cry from beside him told him that Elrohir was as excited as he was.

For many moments the three half-elves stood there frozen with the familiar ache in their hearts and the longing to let the scene playing before them to be true. Celebrían was dancing over the white sand with bare feet and was wearing a beautiful gown that matched her hair colour.

But father and sons only had eyes for the healthy appearance of the elf they loved most. No trace of the ordeal she had suffered could be seen any more.

As happy as Elladan was to see his mother again he was just as relieved that he had found his father. Guided by his first impulse Elladan wanted nothing more than to close the distance and drew his father in a tight embrace. Yet suddenly he stopped in his advance.

Had they not followed their father to bring him back from the brink of death? Had they, blinded by the beauty and trouble-free atmosphere here, forgotten about their lives and loved ones left behind?

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts from the bitter-sweet atmosphere Elladan took a determined step toward his father.

He would at least try to bring them all back. However, he nearly faltered in his resolve when he saw the joy on his brother’s face. But Elladan had already made up his mind.

Consciously not looking at his mother Elladan stepped next to his father and looked him up and down. Gone was the pale and haggard appearance of the Elf-Lord after the attack. His father glowed with an inner light long dimmed by the hardships they faced day to day. All his wounds were healed, no trace was left. Elrond seemed at peace.

Swallowing Elladan hesitated again to approach him. He nearly feared that he would not be willing to turn back. “Ada,” Elladan began. “We are so glad that we have found you. Please, we must head back before it is too late.”

For long minutes the Elf-lord did not react, he did not even acknowledge that he had heard the words. Elladan’s breathing increased. His father’s gaze was unwaveringly directed at the shore and his wife.

When he felt his brother step up behind him the older twin relaxed slightly. Through their bond he knew that Elrohir had also overcome his shock followed by the overwhelming joy in seeing their mother and was now as determined as he to bring their father back.

When Elladan was about to address his father again the Elf-lord turned his head and looked at his sons. Both twins swallowed. The figure standing before them outwardly resembled their father but the look in his eyes was alien to them.

Overcoming his anxiety Elladan made another attempt to speak but was interrupted by the whispered words the dark haired elf before them uttered suddenly: “But I cannot leave here and I’m not even sure if I want to.”

Shocked to the core Elladan did not know what to say. With these few words his worst fears had been confirmed. Their father was lost to them. He was not willing to return to world of the living.

But Elladan was not known for giving up so easily and his ties with his family were strong. His father’s wish to stay here was born from an illusion. His mother was not there. The apparition on the shore before them was born from his father’s mind. When the Elf-lord discovered this it would be too late.

“Elladan….” the older twin heard his brother’s chocked plea and he could bear the tension no longer. Grabbing his father’s shoulders he gently forced his father to fully turn toward him. Elrohir rounded them and deliberately blocked the view of the shore.

“Ada, please,” Elladan pleaded and he did not care how pitiful he sounded. “Come back with us. Nana will be always there, she will understand.”

Seeing no understanding, only pain and longing in his father’s eyes, Elladan’s heart nearly broke. Had the Elf-lord’s mind been damaged in some way? Where were his sharp wits, his wits that only a few could match? Did he not realize that by remaining here they would cause barely imaginable sorrow back home?

Elladan watched the beloved face intently but his desperation flared again when he saw the still indecisive expression on his father’s face.

Like always when he was at a loss Elladan’s agitated mood changed into anger. Did his father only think about himself? The twins felt sick at heart seeing the picture of their mother standing there a few paces away. Elladan wanted nothing more than to run into her outstretched arms and forget all their hardships.

But he knew now was not the time and he had to do everything possible to make his father see reason but again he hesitated. Was this his right? If his father wished to stay here, did he have the right to deny him this?

“Ada is not thinking clearly. This is not real. He cannot see this. Your decision is right. We have to bring him back, with or without his consent,” Elrohir suddenly said and Elladan swallowed audibly. His brother thought the same way. He nearly laughed out hysterically. Ridiculous. How could he have doubted this, he briefly wondered? With a grateful nod he briefly looked at Elrohir and received a quick squeeze on his shoulder.

Turning back Elladan shifted impatiently from one foot to the other and could barely stand the silence that stretched between them. It was surely not his place to order his father or pressure an answer but somehow he feared that their time was running out.

Maybe soon their chance to decide would be taken from them and then they must stay here with no chance to ever return.

However when his father lowered his head and murmured a faint ‘I’m sorry’, Elladan’s heart nearly missed a beat.

Their Ada was not willing to return with them. Unable to say or do anything the brothers stood there and looked on in horror as Elrond slowly turned and strode determinedly toward the shore.

Feeling all the energy draining out of him Elladan sank to his knees with a sob, shortly followed by his brother. The choice was made. If their father was not willing to come back then the brothers would remain here too.

With sorrow Elladan thought again on the ones still hoping for their return but it could not be helped. He would not endure another family loss.

Their choice was made.

To be continued………………………………………..

 





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