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See chapter 1.

Chapter 13:  Lost

Elladan stumbled over something but regained his balance before he could fall. Irritated he looked down and tried to pierce the gloom plunging his surroundings into near darkness.

As far as he could see, he was standing on a path with trees looming over him; the thick canopy effectively blocking much of the light from reaching the ground.

‘What awful place is this?’ he wondered. He could not even make out if it was day or night. It was not cold but neither was it warm. Never before had he been in or heard of such a place.

Despite his irritation he realized, not without interest, that no object here had a sharp outline. Everything appeared diffuse- wavering shapes were all around him.

Unnerved by the situation he had suddenly found himself in he looked back and forth along the path but could find no further clue about where he was stranded, much less in which direction he should go.

He frantically searched his memory for any hints of what could have happened to him but his thoughts were as fleeting and wavering as the whole scene around him was.

Sighing he decided to choose a direction to go in, feeling that this was as good as any other option. Maybe further down the path he could decide how to proceed.

Just when he was about to go his eyes caught something on the ground beside the path; a dark shape, wavering as all the others were, but somehow he was feeling drawn to this spot.

A small cry escaped him when his eyes had narrowed and he could make out what was lying there on the ground. He quickly stepped next to the motionless figure and knelt down. With a shaking hand he turned the body over and looked into his brother’s pale face.

“Elrohir,” he called while he stretched out a shaking hand to feel for a heartbeat and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the steady pounding beneath his searching fingertips.

His own heart pounded wildly while he waited for his twin to open his eyes. He felt that Elrohir was not injured but that his brother’s mind and thoughts were as jumbled as his own were.

Slowly the younger twin opened his eyes and Elladan smiled at his brother while he gazed intently into the grey eyes so similar to his own.

Blinking rapidly Elrohir struggled into a sitting position and looked around him with a frown. Elladan could hear the same question echoing through his mind that he had asked himself before. ‘Where are we?’ `

Coming to his feet Elladan extended a hand to his sitting brother and helped him carefully to his feet. “I do not know,” he answered while looking around. “I have never seen such a place before.” Elladan tried again to pierce the darkness but had the same result; that he could barely see more than a few feet ahead.

When Elrohir did not react in any way to his comment, yet groaned in distress Elladan looked back sharply at his brother. Elrohir was clutching his head in both hands his eyes tightly closed.

However, before Elladan had the chance to ask the reason for his brother’s distress he felt it himself. All of his memories, so elusive a few minutes before, came crashing back all at once, leaving both of them breathless and swaying.

“Ada,” they gasped in unison and sank to their knees. For long minutes they remained on the ground waiting for the pounding in their heads to lessen.

With tears in his eyes evoked by the memory that had told him what had happened to their father Elrohir looked at his brother. Both now knew what their reason for being here was.

Elladan could not resist searching their perimeter with the faint hope of seeing their father somewhere in the gloom. Elrohir followed his brother’s gaze with the same hope in his heart. But was the Elf-lord even here with them? Had they succeeded in steadying the fleeting fea of their father, or had they failed? After entering their father’s mind they had no real recollection of what had happened afterwards.

Elrohir lowered his head. This place did not look like they had achieved anything positive. They had failed. This was a forsaken place. They were not strong enough to call their father back.

Feeling the strong emotions flowing through their bond and seeing the desperate expression on his brother’s face Elladan crawled forward and gripped Elrohir by his shoulders.

“We have not failed, at least not yet!” he cried, trying to sound reassuring. “If Ada was dead, we would know it!”

Appreciating his brother’s effort but not convinced; yet all too ready to believe, Elrohir nodded shakily. Yet the question remained: what had happened to them?

Releasing his grip Elladan stood and gestured in the direction he had intended to go. “Let us go, brother. Standing here will achieve us nothing. I have the distinct feeling that we may find Ada here somewhere.”

Grateful that at least Elladan had re-found his determination, and having no other suggestion of his own, Elrohir nodded and stood to follow his brother down the path. However, his whirling thoughts were unable to settle down.

If they had failed that would mean they were dead now and on their way to the halls of Mandos. But this place did not look like anything resembling the realm of the Vala responsible for the dead. Yet, what did the halls of the dead look like? He had, after all, no means to judge this. Frustrated, Elrohir shook his head. He did not know what to believe anymore, but he supposed that they were not dead merely wandering between the world of the living and the dead.

This thought alone made him shudder. He had never heard of such an endeavour before and was far from sure of his assumptions. But in one thing he agreed with his brother. He was sure that their father was not dead, rather lost in this twilight world like themselves. And he hoped reverently that there was still a chance for all of them to return.

Then one thought occurred to him with crystal clarity. If their father was lost to them and died, he would not be either willing or able to endure the loss of another parent, not even with the support of his twin.

After the departure of their mother the brothers had nearly lost themselves in dealing out vengeance where no equity could be gained, allowing themselves be ruled by their anger where no absolution could be given. At that time they were nearly consumed by their grief with no hope of consolation. This would not happen again. He would not be able to endure such dark times again.

Lost in his thoughts Elrohir bumped into his brother when Elladan suddenly stopped. Elrohir mumbled an apology but frowned when it seemed that his brother had not even noticed the collision.

Elrohir stepped around the frozen figure and looked sharply at his brother. Elladan was looking straight ahead with his head tilted to the side as if he was listening to something barely audible.

When Elladan did not move or make any sound Elrohir could not contain his anxiety any longer. “What is it? What do you see?” he whispered into his brother’s ear.

Elladan whirled around and looked, confused, at his brother. Could he not hear it? Looking back in the former direction Elladan pointed straight ahead. “There, do you see the light?” he asked, not looking back at his brother, his eyes somehow fixed on the spot ahead.

Narrowing his eyes Elrohir straightened when he could indeed now make out a faint lightening of the gloom far ahead. And now that he was concentrating he also heard what Elladan obviously did. There was some kind of whispering – no words or clear sound, more like a kind of a background noise, easy to overlook.

Both brothers were not sure if they liked what this might imply, but they were nonetheless drawn unstoppably forward. Knowing each others’ thoughts as exactly as their own, the twins marched on, now eager to reach the light.

However if Elrohir had thought that they would soon get nearer, he was disappointed. His feet felt heavy as if they were laden with lead. Every movement was sluggish. A look at his brother told the younger twin that Elladan fought the same battle.

“Do you think we will find Ada there?” Elrohir asked tiredly, desperately wanting to bring their father back and leave this unreal place.

When Elladan looked back at his brother Elrohir nearly took a step back when he glimpsed the hopelessness in the older twin’s eyes. What did Elladan fear? That they had already lost the battle? That their father was already out of their reach? Had Elladan some insight he had not?

Before he could give voice to his fears however, Elladan grabbed his hand and Elrohir had no chance but to follow. “Come,” Elladan called back over his shoulder. “I have the feeling that we must hurry.”

Not knowing what this could mean, Elrohir ran after his brother not needing to be dragged along. The dread he felt in his heart had intensified the nearer they came to the unnatural light.

And then, like before, Elrohir nearly ran into his brother when Elladan again stopped suddenly. But Elrohir had no time to protest because his eyes were drawn to the river that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere before them.

But it was not the river that nearly made him cry out it was the view of their father just stepping out of the water and onto the far bank.

As soon as the tall Elf-lord had reached dry land his figure began to waver and was soon swallowed by mist wafting along the other shore.

“ADA!” the twins cried at the top of their lungs but without any success. The distance was either too great or the mist or something else muffled their cries so that the Elf-lord could not hear them.

The twins realized in growing panic that the figure of their father was vanishing more and more into the mist. The Elf-Lord had not reacted at all to their pleas not to go any further. He had not even looked back.

Elrohir sank to his knees spent. His cries had changed into sobs. In his heart he feared that their father had already crossed a line he should not have; a line that would mean no return.

When Elladan dropped down beside him with his face in his hands, Elrohir knew that Elladan feared this also.

For long minutes they sat there and could not believe that they had been too late; that they would no longer be able to call their father back. Both brothers knew that if they were not able to return to life with their father they would follow him into death. This was the point they seemed to have reached now.

After a while, when all their tears were spent, the brothers rose and stood forlornly on the path. Somehow they dreaded simply following their father. This would seal their fate. Turning back, however, was no option either.

Briefly Elladan thought about the ones they would leave behind. His heart nearly broke as he tried to imagine the grief their passing would cause the remainder of his family.

Making up their minds the brothers looked at each other and stepped into the water together.

To be continued……………………………..