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Till We Have Faces  by Antane

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Linaewen, who wrote that beautiful tribute to Boromir in "Proud and Stern of Glance."

The next morning Boromir stood at the shore of Sea and looked up when he saw Gandalf come. He nodded in welcome and then returned his gaze to the calm water and his troubled thoughts. After a period of silence, the man spoke of the burden on his heart. He had not been such a man to easily do so or to even recognize such burdens were there, but something about the wizard’s presence prompted him to speak of his explorations.

“As I faced death, I accepted the punishment that was levied against me for my betrayal of Frodo and my vows as a warrior of Gondor. The pain of my wounds was nothing compared to the shame that tore into my heart that I had not been true. Aragorn came before the end and released me from that. He did not judge or condemn. He forgave me as I had wanted to beg Frodo to. But I could not. He was gone. I know now he has forgiven me, for he has told me so, but I still find it hard to forgive myself.”

“You fought valiantly, Boromir, against a foe far greater than any mortal. It was the same bitter struggle that raged in Frodo’s heart. That some battles against such an adversary would be lost is no wonder, and it was no surprise to the One who appointed that you should be part of the Company and that Merry and Pippin should be as well, for their presence was partly to save you. You are beloved, Boromir, by all who know you, and your reward was arranged, for even as your fall was foreseen from the beginning, so was your choice to rise. Do not blame yourself. Such failure would have been my own fate if I claimed the Ring as my own and all of Middle-earth would have suffered for it. In the throwing down of one Dark Lord, another would have arisen. You escaped from such peril yourself because you were wise enough to recognize your wrong and did what you could to amend it. I do not judge or condemn you anymore than Aragorn or anyone else. Such battles as you and Frodo fought leave scars that are slow to heal. But heal they will once you both understand that failure does not mean a final end, unless one does not rise to do battle again. You did so and so were pronounced worthy of the victory you gained. No mortal could hope for a better end than yours, but it was appointed by the Powers that rule the world, and the One who is above all, that you should be accorded any even greater boon and should come here. There is still more for you to do.”

“I know the Powers exist and have observed the Standing Silence since childhood. But why would they want me here? Frodo and I have talked of the reasons, but we do not know for certain. All my life I have had just one purpose, to be a warrior and then be Steward in my turn. But the king has returned and I am here. Faramir longed for the king for many years. He and I did not speak overmuch of it, for it was not a dream of mine. Our father had power enough for kingship and I wished he could be so. How long did Gondor have to tarry until we gave up hope at last for the king to return? The Stewards had ruled from our longfathers of old. But now that the king has come again at last, I long to be at my brother’s side and serve our king together. I know why Frodo is here, and I know there must be a purpose for me, but I grieve I am not at my king’s side as I should be. There is little for a warrior to do here. My sword is of no use here, but that is all I know how to do.”

Gandalf followed the man’s gaze over the Sea. “No, not all. Your sword may not be needed, but that is not why you were sent here. You are not your sword. You are needed, not your weapon. You know well there is more than one battlefield a warrior fights on, no matter where he fights. Inside the heart is where the fiercest struggles take place, rather than against an enemy you could see and on land you could firmly stand on. You were brought here to enter that field, the one that can be seen behind Frodo’s eyes, and within his heart, and within your own, where there are no sure footholds, but for the ones you both make with your own sweat and tears. Do not think you are useless here, Boromir. You were brought here because Frodo is here. His purpose is to heal and that is deeply intertwined with your purpose. You have fought hard battles before, ones that tested your body’s strength to its utmost. This struggle will be worse, but the victory will be greater if you both remain true. This will be the battle of your life, for the life of Frodo.”

Boromir thought hard about that. “We thought perhap that was the reason. I am glad to hear you speak of it as well. I wish I had availed myself of your wisdom earlier as much as my brother did, for I am in much need of it. Gondor’s struggle against the Nameless Enemy gave us great cause to be familiar with the battlefield you speak of, but Faramir’s heart was gentler than mine and more able to treat such wounds. But even he was at a loss much of the time. The wounds were so deep. I grieve to see them in Frodo.”

Gandalf looked at the man. “Your path was different than Faramir’s in some ways, but now they have come closer together. Walk upon the Road with Frodo as best you may, son of Gondor, and son of the West. But never think you must walk it alone.”

“I know I don’t. My brother is with me, and Frodo, and Bilbo, and you, Mithrandir. I am glad it is so. I have helped Frodo as I may, but I would value your counsel. He is so lost and I know not all I should do to aid him. I was not trained in such arts.”

“Yet you have done much already. Your warrior’s heart is proud, Boromir, but it begins to remember the gentleness it had as a child and the love of a mother sorely missed by two grieving little boys. Frodo needs both now, for both have bled from either loss or from the attacks of the Enemy. Sometimes it is one who has endured the same fire and bears the same scars who knows best how to heal. For you are in need of healing too, Boromir. Let his heart heal yours and yours heal his.”

Boromir breathed in deeply and relaxed as he let it go. He felt an easing of his heart that he had not known since he was exiled here. He was prepared for his next battle.





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