8: Making Amends

Alex ran without conscious thought. He could not have honestly said if he was running away from something or towards something. He simply ran, never wanting to stop until he had run all the way back to D.C., or even better, to New Hampshire and the house in which he’d grown up. All he wanted to do was to run back to a simpler time before he had even heard of the Agency or Ambrose Elwood or anything else to do with the world of espionage. He wanted to outrun it all, but it was an exercise in futility and he knew it, knew it but did not want to accept it. And so he ran and ran and ran until he found himself on the outskirts of the woods he’d come across before and plunged between the trees, only stopping when he found a tall pine blocking his path and no longer had the strength to go around it. Instead, he ducked under the lower branches and wrapped his arms around its trunk as if grabbing hold of a life line. He collapsed against the tree, gasping for breath, forcing back the tears that threatened to come with a ruthless will.

He needed to pull himself together. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear a voice screaming at him, castigating him for being a fool and demanding that he man up and stop acting like a whiny kid, but he ignored the voice and clung to the tree, wishing everything would just go away.

A hand on his shoulder jerked him out of his state and he found himself staring into the concerned eyes of Gil Winters who crouched before him, his left hand outstretched.

"Alex, take my hand."

Alex stared stupidly at Gil’s hand, not quite sure what the man wanted.

"It’s alright, Alex," Gil said gently. "There’s nothing to fear. Take my hand."

Slowly, reluctantly, Alex reached out and took the man’s hand. Instantly, Gil tightened his grip and pulled him up and then to Alex’s complete surprise, embraced him and held him for a long moment, patting his back before releasing him. Alex just stood there, trying to fathom what was happening. Gil smiled, as if he could read the thoughts wildly careening through his mind.

"No, I’m not coming on to you," Gil said with amusement. "I thought you needed a hug just now. When was the last time anyone hugged you?"

"My mom," Alex said without thinking and then blushed to the roots of his hair.

Gil merely nodded. "Mothers are usually good with hugs," he said. "I want to show you something."

Alex gave him a wary look. "What?"

"It’s further in these woods," Gil said.

Instinct took over and Alex started to back away, only stopping because of the tree blocking his escape. He automatically began assessing the situation and Gil, wondering if he would have to take the man out in order to escape. Gil stepped back a few paces, giving him a knowing smile.

"I will not force you to come and you are free to go," Gil said.

For a moment, Alex just stared at the man calmly standing before him, waiting for his response, and he had the strangest feeling that Gil Winters was willing to wait for as long as necessary until he was ready to give an answer. The very stillness with which Winters stood was uncanny. No one could remain that still for so long. Alex shook his head, not so much in denial as to clear it.

"Why?" he asked. "Why are you bothering with me? What do you hope to gain?"

Gil raised an eyebrow. "I do not hope to gain anything except perhaps a little trust from you. As to why I am bothering with you, as you put it, the answer to that is simple. Until you formally leave this college, you are one of my students and it is my duty to be concerned with your welfare as I’m concerned with the welfare of all the students who attend my classes."

Alex thought about that for a moment and then realized something. "You followed me," he stated baldly, giving Gil an accusing look.

Gil nodded. "When someone runs out of a class looking as distraught as you did, I felt it prudent to follow you and make sure you didn’t do something stupid."

Now it was Alex’s turn to raise an eyebrow. "You thought I was suicidal?"

"It had crossed my mind," Gil averred, "but I was simply assuring myself that in your state you did not become injured or killed because you weren’t paying attention to where you were going. I was relieved to see that you came here rather than running out onto a street full of cars."

"I’m not even sure why I came here," Alex admitted. "I just suddenly found myself here and...." He frowned, trying to analyze his feelings and when he could make no sense of them, he just shrugged, feeling oddly lost and unsure of himself. It was not a state with which he was familiar. He’d always been very sure of himself and what he was about.

"Come with me," Gil pleaded. "Let me show you something that might help relieve some of the confusion you are feeling right now."

For a moment Alex was tempted to refuse, but curiosity won out and he simply nodded. Gil’s smile was one of approval and Alex was surprised how much that approval meant to him. He wasn’t sure what his status at the Academy was anymore. He’d pretty much blown his cover, or so it appeared to him. He could easily send Maddy a message to that effect and it would be a good excuse to leave but somehow he had a feeling that wasn’t going to happen. There was still Ambrose Elwood to consider.

Gil turned away and Alex followed him. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"It’s not far," Gil answered without looking back. "In fact, we’re here." He stopped and turned, giving Alex a considering look.

"Where?" Alex demanded, for the spot where Gil had stopped didn’t seem any different from where they’d been before. If anything, the trees seemed to be closer and the sky was blocked out, leaving them in a greenish gloom.

"This is the heart of the woods," Gil replied.

"And so?"

"Close your eyes," Gil demanded. "Close your eyes and slow your breathing and listen with more than just your ears."

Alex frowned, wondering what this was all about but, giving a shrug, complied with the man’s request. Closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, he began doing the yoga breathing exercises he’d been taught, consciously stilling himself. It was cool under the trees but there was no wind so it was not as uncomfortable as it might have been. He stood still and breathed quietly, slowly, letting his ears and other senses take over.

There was a calmness to the place, a sense of quiet growth over long years, and the calmness began slowly seeping into his soul, soothing it, blanketing it with a sense of welcome and acceptance, which struck him as odd on one level, yet somehow comforting on another and he refused to analyze either feeling at that moment. Instead, he simply let those feelings of acceptance flow over and through him and then he found himself involuntarily blinking, as if coming out of a deep sleep.

Gil was still where he’d last seen him. Indeed, the man could’ve been a statue, so still did he stand. "Wh-what happened?"

"How do you feel?" Gil asked.

"I... I’m not sure," Alex admitted with a frown. "What happened?"

"The forest welcomed you," Gil replied. "It does not welcome many. It has long memories of your kind coming in and destroying its kith and kin, but it has welcomed you and that’s a start."

"Wait a minute. My kind? What do you mean by that?"

"It’s not important," Gil retorted. "What is important is the fact that you are welcome here in these woods. You may have noticed that few if any of your fellow students bother to come here though there is no barrier preventing them from doing so. Yet, they do not, which is a grief for us, for the trees are our friends and allies."

"Whoa! What are you babbling about? Are you one of those tree-huggers who drive metal stakes into trees to prevent the loggers from cutting them down?"

"Of course not," Gil replied somewhat angrily. "A ludicrous thing to do to a helpless tree. It’s almost as bad as wantonly cutting them down for no purpose. No, I am merely saying that these woods rarely welcome people anymore given their unfortunate experiences with loggers. That they’ve accepted you as they have is a good sign. It means you’re not a lost cause after all."

Before Alex could respond to that, Gil started walking away. "I think it’s time we got back to the Academy," he said without looking to see if Alex was following him.

"What do you mean, I’m not a lost cause?" Alex demanded as he attempted to catch up with the man who seemed to glide effortlessly through the tangle of undergrowth while Alex struggled to keep up. "When was I ever considered a lost cause to begin with? I only just got here a few days ago."

"And in that time you’ve questioned everything that we’ve asked you to do," Gil retorted, not stopping. "You’ve argued and complained and pretty much acted like a prima donna. Yet, you also showed signs of promise. I noticed, even if no one else did, how contented you were when you were making up sentences in Sindarin. I heard you humming."

Alex felt himself reddening. "I never hum unless I’m working on translations. I like working with languages."

"So I gathered," Gil said, looking back with a smile. "So there are things about Elf Academy that you like."

"And too much that makes no sense," Alex said, stopping. "Learning a language and a history of a race of people that don’t exist outside of fairy tales. What’s the point? We’re supposed to be tour guides! So let us be learning that."

"Oh, don’t worry, you’ll learn all you need to know about how to be a good tour guide, never fear. However, I would question your assumption that Elves do not exist."

"Of course they don’t exist," Alex insisted. "What proof do you have that they do?"

Gil stopped and looked at him, his expression serious. "And what proof do you have that they don’t."

"Well... I mean... It’s obvious."

"Is it? How?"

"What do you mean? No one’s ever seen one, that’s how."

"Yet, the stories persist that they are real and that some few have had encounters with them. Now, I’m not saying that all that is said about the Elves is true, only that such stories don’t invent themselves. There has to be an historical truth on which they are based, however skewed and incorrect the stories may be. The fact that you have no proof of their existence does not exclude the possibility that they do indeed exist."

"So this Sindarin and the myths, are you saying they are real?"

"I’m saying that you should not discount the possibility. And if nothing else, accept them simply as a given, something that anyone who wishes to be an Elf Guide needs to know. You do still want to be an Elf Guide, do you not?"

Alex hesitated, not willing to commit himself. "I... I don’t know anymore," he finally admitted, surprised to realize that he really didn’t know. He was here on pretense. Why would he care if he actually became a bona fide elf guide when his only goal was to complete his assignment and get back to D.C.?

"Well, until you know for sure," Gil suggested kindly, taking Alex’s arm as they continued their way out of the woods, "why don’t you pretend that you do and continue taking the classes without argument. Learn what we wish to teach you. I promise you, you will come away the richer for it."

Alex found himself nodding in agreement and an odd sense of relief flooded him. He wasn’t sure why and decided not to look too closely at that feeling. "Assuming that I’m allowed to stay after today."

"Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much about it," Gil assured him. "We don’t give up on our students that easily. Now you’ve missed archery again and that is unacceptable. So, tomorrow rather than joining the others on the field trip that is scheduled for after breakfast, you will report to the archery field and Roy will give you a lesson. You can join the others in your class in the afternoon for the dog sledding lesson. Roy will drive you to where you need to be for that."

Alex sighed. "Just so long as I don’t have to dress up in green tights," he joked.

Gil chuckled. "Oh, we wouldn’t go that far, though I think you would look rather good in them myself." He gave Alex a knowing smile and Alex found himself blushing which made Gil laugh and the sound of it was neither malicious nor salacious but rather infectious in its joyfulness and Alex couldn’t help laughing as well.

****

Alex was surprised to learn that it was nearly four o’clock by the time he and Gil were back at the Academy. He couldn’t understand how that could be. "We couldn’t have been in those woods for five hours," he protested to Gil who merely shrugged.

"We were there for as long as it was needful for us to be there," came his rather philosophical and cryptic reply. "Now before I let you go, I think you owe some people an apology."

Alex nodded and dutifully followed Gil. He thought the man would take him to Della White’s office, but he found himself being led to Loren’s office instead. Gil knocked and entered without waiting for a reply and Alex joined him. Loren was alone, sitting at his desk. He looked at Gil.

"Massad hon hirianneg?"

"Nan glaid." Gil answered readily enough. "iNgelaidh hon adhover anglenno."

Alex saw Loren raise an eyebrow at whatever Gil had said to him and then looked at Alex, speaking in English.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and there was no condemnation in his voice or his expression, only concern and that surprised Alex more than anything.

"I’m not entirely sure," he answered honestly enough.

Loren nodded. "Do you wish to leave the Academy?"

Alex shook his head. "No," he replied and left it at that.

Loren gave him a considering look and Alex forced himself not to flinch or look away. Before it became too uncomfortable for him, Loren broke eye contact, bending down to retrieve something that Alex could not see at first. It was his book bag.

"You’ll want this," was all he said as he handed the bag to him. Alex muttered his thanks as he accepted it. "I hope things will go smoother for you from now on," Loren continued. "Now I think you should find Derek and apologize to him. He was very upset by your actions."

"I should apologize to Ms White, as well."

"You may do that later. Go. Clean yourself up and get some dinner."

Alex nodded and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Alex, whatever you think, we’re not the bad guys here."

"I’ll keep that in mind," he said without bothering to turn around and made his escape, closing the door behind him.

He went quickly to his room, surprised to see that Derek was not alone. A young man who looked to be in his early twenties was there. Both he and Derek looked up when he came in. The young man stood up from where he’d been sitting on Derek’s bed, putting out his hand as he introduced himself.

"Hi, you must be Alex. I’m Zach. Zach Austin."

"Pleased to meet you," Alex replied. Then he looked at Derek. "Sorry about earlier. I’m not sure what came over me. I had a long talk with Gil Winters and... and he was able to help me."

"So you’re staying?"

Alex nodded. "For now."

"Great," Zach said enthusiastically. "The more, the merrier."

"So how do you two know each other?" Alex asked Zach.

"Actually, we just met," Derek answered. "Zach was at archery and we ended up on the same team."

"So you’re studying to be an elf guide, too?" Alex asked.

Zach shook his head. "Been there, done that. I’m actually Loren’s assistant but I like to keep up my archery skills so I join in when I can."

"We were just about to go to dinner," Derek said. "Care to join us?"

"Let me clean up first," Alex pleaded.

"We’ll wait," Zach said.

****

Words are Sindarin:

Massad hon hirianneg?: ‘Where did you find him?’

Nan glaid: ‘In the woods.’

iNgelaidh hon adhover anglenno: ‘The trees allowed him to approach.’