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| Elf Academy by Fiondil | 12 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Larner | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 12/2/2009 |
| Oh, yeah--we all see just how "low key" Glorfindel proved! Just not fair having Elves compete against mortals sho've not had ages of the sun to perfect their craft! Love Glorfindel's pattern. Author Reply: I think Glorfindel just couldn't resist showing off. *grin* | |
| Parmalokwen | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 12/2/2009 |
| Hahahahaha! They've been taking over the school with very little effort...and now Glorfindel and the Twins are being paid to do it! Will Mithrellas, Nimrodel, and Daeron get the same chance? My brother had a similar experience at Boy Scout Camp one summer. They saw how he was leading the other scouts at some activities, so they made him a CIT, and he worked at the firing range, the zoo, and the bike shed. I have a major problem with the archery scene in this chapter. It's a very safe sport, but ONLY if it's supervised properly and all the rules are followed by everyone. It helps to remember, always, what archery is actually for: it's practice killing. If a student wants to shoot at a greater distance, the safe thing to do would be to move a target away from the row of archers, or to reserve the end of the session for distance shooting, (which is fun even if you're not aiming for a target,) NOT to let the more ambitious students move that far back from the row. It doesn't matter if the showoffs are at the end of the row-- half of sixteen is not zero. As it happened, it worked just fine because Glorfindel and the Twins are awesome that way, but if some young idiot with more confidence than skill tried to follow their example, the result could easily have been tragic. As an instructor, Phil should not have let the elves do what they did, especially without first seeing them shoot at the normal distance. If I were in charge of that school and I saw what happened that day on the archery range, I'd fire him on the spot. Whether or not the elves should be blamed here depends on whether any of them have ever taught archery to large groups of beginners, but Phil should know better. Arrow collection and score checking is done by everyone at the same time, or at least with nobody shooting at the same time, for the same reason. Thank you, thank you, thank you for not using the word "fire" in reference to shooting arrows. It's simply not an applicable word, and I wince every time I read or hear it. I am, for the most part, enjoying this story despite the errors. I hope someone in Valinor is watching this through a Palantir, and laughing his head off. Teaching mortals to be elves, indeed. Author Reply: Hi Parmalokwen. Thanks for your input on archery. I realize that how I describe it probably as real archers gritting their teeth, but as this is pure fantasy, I hope they and you will ignore any errors on my part. I suspect that Phil was so skeptical that anyone could shoot from the distance the Elves wanted to shoot from that he allowed it, perhaps suspecting that the arrows would not go very far and that would be the end of it. At any rate, I am glad you are enjoying the story. Thanks for reviewing. I appreciate it. Author Reply: I thought you should know that, taking in account some of your suggestions, I have revised this chapter slightly where the archery is concerned. You still may not like it, but hopefully it is a little better and truer to reality. Thanks again for your input. I take such inpute from 'experts' seriously as I like to keep my facts stratight, as it were. Readers such as yourself who offer constructive criticism help make my stories and my writing better. | |